Kids: Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger...

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 17:07 - South Africa

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 568

You deserved it 2 800

Kids

This Charming Man

Investing in the future

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 035

By Brea - 01/02/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 841

You deserved it 68 494

By traitor - 23/04/2013 23:04 - United States - Boston

Today, my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 894

You deserved it 4 026

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 114

By Skidmark Sally - 07/10/2012 21:41 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 2 157

By blakeintheoffice - 08/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 400

You deserved it 3 705

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 20 047

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 07:29 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 736

You deserved it 1 868

By Anonymous - 14/06/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 294

You deserved it 3 046

By Mel - 27/01/2019 20:00

Today, I found out the guy I was seeing was married, with a kid, when his wife sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 294

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 508

You deserved it 11 091

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 21:25 - Australia

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 534

You deserved it 4 822

By Franco - 10/04/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 891

You deserved it 3 129

#blessed

By Loney - 22/04/2018 19:00

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 474

You deserved it 576

By Lackadaisical - 15/01/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 224

You deserved it 35 548

By Ves - 03/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 8 467

Smart kid

By outsmarted by a 5/yo - 10/05/2021 04:00

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 668

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 344

You deserved it 2 823

By sadcinderella - 22/12/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 368

You deserved it 3 282

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 06:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 200

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 02/11/2017 05:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 567

You deserved it 1 166

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 040

You deserved it 7 539

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 18:00

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 3 641

By sophie - 13/04/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 712

You deserved it 5 747

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 178

You deserved it 3 292

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 42 480

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 4 222

Woohoo, party time!

By Dp. - 27/03/2021 13:59

Today, after 22 years, I finally got promoted to senior tech. My wife bitched about the reheated lasagna and I drank a fifth of whiskey. A celebration dinner to remember FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 6 098

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 06:00

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 143

You deserved it 433

Good job!

By Anonymous - 11/04/2020 20:00

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 530

By nomorexbox - 26/04/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 13 429

By bubblezzz123 - 04/09/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 303

You deserved it 5 691

By ramble ramble - 30/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Monroe

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 731

You deserved it 4 400

Naps are important

By bigdikbubls - 01/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 597

By nicoreal89 - 25/11/2011 08:20 - United States

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 058

You deserved it 6 666

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 148

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 185

You deserved it 5 661

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 5 468

By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - 09/06/2014 21:45 - France - Toulon

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 880

You deserved it 9 434

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Top comments

Doortje 29

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:18

Exactly how much younger was this brother? :|

PurpleSleep 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:26

Well, one does not have to be Indiana Jones to enjoy the pleasure of a golden shower.

Doortje 29

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:18

Exactly how much younger was this brother? :|

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:48

if he's old enough to tell op, he's old enough to know better. I'd Rip him a new one if my little brother was urinating in my car... sheesh (good thing I don't have a little brother.) OP's friend must not have been there or the fml would read, "My little brother pissed in my car, and I got sent to prison for manslaughter... My appeal was revoked, and now I'm serving a life sentence..." or something like that...

the_flirtt 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 0:38

thats a little harsh.

brightnite 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 16:31

Rub his face in it

Blazingcrono 6

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:24

Shouldn't you feel it...?

PurpleSleep 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:26

Well, one does not have to be Indiana Jones to enjoy the pleasure of a golden shower.

zp5 4

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:27

Lol. You sat in pee.

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 17 December 2010 0:17

I know lol pee. Urine, composition of urea/uric acid wastes, salts and stuff. Makes me giggle.

Ismellwin 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:27

He's like your own personal little seat warmer.

DahkLohd 4

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:31

That must stink.

perdix 29

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:32

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. But it's worse to be both.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:34

Some people enjoy the latter, hell I pay extra fir it every Saturday!

perdix 29

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:57

Maybe you can skip a few Saturdays and save up for a Cleveland Steamer, y'know, shake up the routine.

iliketurdles 7

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:35

Or maybe even a Dirty Sanchez? I hear they are really popular this time of year..

FFyourLIFE 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 11:41

I didn't know what a Dirty Sanchez was until I saw this comment and looked it up.. I didn't know what the other thing was either.. My boyfriend had to tell me.. :(

satomi_ishida 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:35

And yet your friend didn't warn you or you must not have noticed how upset she was. Or she has a great sense of humor if he's able to laugh at you and not cowering in fear of his sister cause I'd bring on the woop @$$ to mine if he did that.

KaySL 24

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:38

*ass No, please, don't thank me for the correction. I'm just doing my self-appointed job.

zp5 4

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Thursday 16 December 2010 23:43

"I'd bring on the woop at money money to mine if he did that." That doesn't make sense.

satomi_ishida 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:47

Trying not to curse thanks -_- lol I'll use stars next time. Happy? :P Wait, don't answer that because I know you'll just troll it up. xD

KaySL 24

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Friday 17 December 2010 4:02

But Satomi dear, starred-out or not, it has the same meaning!

zp5 4

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Friday 17 December 2010 5:09

If you used stars, it would've said, "I'd bring on the woop star star star to mine if he did that." And then I would've said that that doesn't makes sense either. So either way, it won't make sense.