Work: Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Shreveport

Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5689

You deserved it

1969

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Narcissistic parents FTW

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36102

You deserved it

4666

Tweet

Share

By niii - France

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22100

You deserved it

13935

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32298

You deserved it

3880

Tweet

Share

By Angie - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40297

You deserved it

4683

Tweet

Share

By the unfortunate man - United States - Salisbury

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53151

You deserved it

3136

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39240

You deserved it

4111

Tweet

Share

By Lily Cakes - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1395

You deserved it

4663

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16170

You deserved it

138019

Tweet

Share

By weddinggirl - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34334

You deserved it

10019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24990

You deserved it

2657

Tweet

Share

By Ma.Sa.La. - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27555

You deserved it

50254

Tweet

Share

By thatsnice - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31990

You deserved it

4253

Tweet

Share

By Childhood - United States

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31294

You deserved it

2738

Tweet

Share

By Blonde - Canada - Toronto

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31021

You deserved it

6390

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39598

You deserved it

2646

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13142

You deserved it

84475

Tweet

Share

By bg4545 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12415

You deserved it

18450

Tweet

Share

By allyshah - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52515

You deserved it

6344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Plymouth

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76372

You deserved it

7315

Tweet

Share

By misc - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35702

You deserved it

7209

Tweet

Share

By Why

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2305

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By vsf - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30946

You deserved it

6546

Tweet

Share

By erphy21 - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34827

You deserved it

6216

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Seize the day

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

662

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By Local Welsh

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3604

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57680

You deserved it

4800

Tweet

Share

By Kml

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9342

You deserved it

684

Tweet

Share

By thrill house - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, a woman yelled at me for hurting her. I'm a tattoo artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22742

You deserved it

1706

Tweet

Share

By grossed out mom - Canada - Scarborough

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26031

You deserved it

2898

Tweet

Share

By Alex Xavier

False Advertising

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4870

You deserved it

715

Tweet

Share

By homelessagain - United States - Lorain

Sue! SUE!

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6676

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By Lovergirl - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31564

You deserved it

3896

Tweet

Share

By OhNo - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20043

You deserved it

29942

Tweet

Share

By LockedOut - United States

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27934

You deserved it

47201

Tweet

Share

By nerdychick - United States

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33804

You deserved it

22139

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25974

You deserved it

4766

Tweet

Share

By JavitheWrestler - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8988

You deserved it

29250

Tweet

Share

By needagoodlaugh - United States - West Linn

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9737

You deserved it

848

Tweet

Share

By ollie179 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15323

You deserved it

39280

Tweet

Share

By sabotaged - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30711

You deserved it

1550

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tomato_Cheese | 22

#7417026 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:03

He obviously didn't like the baby talking

By Rammer3500 | 23

#7417039 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:27

Some people have crappy jobs
You seem to have a pissy job

COMMENTS

By Tomato_Cheese | 22

#7417026 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:03

He obviously didn't like the baby talking

Reply

marshm610 | 18

#7417034 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:12

Shut her up quick lol

By Rammer3500 | 23

#7417039 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:27

Some people have crappy jobs
You seem to have a pissy job

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#7417040 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:32

I never understood baby talking to animals or babies. so hopefully the pup was smart and started peeing about when you started talking so you'd shut up. also, how high was he that he was able to pee on your face and in your mouth?

By kirby1964 | 20

#7417041 - Monday 27 February 2017 2:48

Your fault. You should know that will happen with puppies.

By species4872 | 19

#7417062 - Monday 27 February 2017 4:44

Wouldn't have happened with a cat. The cat just would have latched onto your face and scratched the shit out of you.

By itssnotfunny | 24

#7417065 - Monday 27 February 2017 4:48

Looks like you're that dog's bitch now.

By Talis99 | 26

#7417187 - Monday 27 February 2017 11:00

Are you new at dog handling? Could have seen that coming.

By Cali | 54

#7417262 - Monday 27 February 2017 12:40

I can't believe no one's made a 'golden shower' joke yet. Disappointed.

By Kaalschneid | 21

#7417417 - Monday 27 February 2017 18:06

Note to author: keep other's genitals away from your face that do not, and even most that do, wear the same collars as you.

By bigredmonkeybutt | 24

#7417630 - Tuesday 28 February 2017 0:56

Better to be pissed off than ... never mind.