By pretty poly - 10/11/2020 11:01

And today, on Dr Phil…

  Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML
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By  RichardPencil  |  28

"Under the impression?"

With something as risky as this, you needed to make all agreements explicit.

Hey, if you're letting her fuck your husband, you might as well get her to do some housework and child-rearing while she's there.

By  Roxy Rousseau  |  11

I agree with Richard. You needed clear cut boundaries from the beginning. Such as: catch feelings and she’s gone.

It’s not too late now, but there’s going to be a much harsher fall out. And don’t bring your kids into this.

COMMENTS
By  RichardPencil  |  28

"Under the impression?"

With something as risky as this, you needed to make all agreements explicit.

Hey, if you're letting her fuck your husband, you might as well get her to do some housework and child-rearing while she's there.

By  Roxy Rousseau  |  11

I agree with Richard. You needed clear cut boundaries from the beginning. Such as: catch feelings and she’s gone.

It’s not too late now, but there’s going to be a much harsher fall out. And don’t bring your kids into this.

By  Chazzster  |  20

Once more, in human relationships three is an unstable number. Inevitably two pair up closer and one feels left out. It doesn’t matter the sex of the respective three, or how it started.

By  Bogrbon  |  20

Yeah, definitely your fault. You brought someone learning your marriage without clear boundaries and it’s going to be complicated. Why? Because you and your husband made it complicated.

By  Maggie Chapman  |  3

YOU HAVE TO ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES. Seriously though I'm tired of bored couples trying to spice up their sex life, and not actually talking it through and discussing potential consequences.

Reply
  lilacgold  |  14

1. Open marriages can and do work for more people than you'd think.
2. Not every open marriage is on a sex only, no feelings basis. Some people are willing to let their partners form a deeper connection with others, even to fall in love outside the marriage, because loving a new person doesn't have to mean you love your existing partner(s) any less. The important thing is communication.

By  lilacgold  |  14

Assumptions have no place in a polyamorous situation. Boundaries need to be discussed and agreed with all parties, and if anyone wants to make changes that needs to be discussed and agreed too! There's absolutely nothing wrong with a secondary partner having more involvement in the non-sexual lives of a primary couple if it's agreed upon, but trying to force it when one party is uncomfortable isn't cool.
It sounds like you need to speak with your husband and girlfriend and figure all this out together.

By  tounces7  |  27

Pretty much anything you do at this point will probably just end up with him leaving you for her, so get your finances together and prepare for the fall-out.....