By Stolemylady - 04/06/2012 07:05 - Australia
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I don't see where it's an unlikely scenario. I met my husband while I was dating someone else. We were just friends for a while. When I realised I wanted more than friendship, I broke it off with the bf. A few weeks later, my husband and I went on our first date and I'm certain I'm not a slut. If OP and his ex did not have an amicable split, it's unlikely he'd have been invited to the wedding and even more unlikely he'd have gone.
True, but let's keep in mind that OP's name is Stolemylady. It could imply that this new hubby was doing some flirting back then and potentially tore her from him. To some, emotional infidelity is the same as physical infidelity. It may well apply here. But yeah, I see your point about the wedding invite/leaving on good terms scenario.
not necessarily, op will probably always feel like she was stolen but deep down he probably understands that his ex couldn't help her feelings. I'm now with someone I was in love with the whole time I was with my ex and my ex still blames him for it, yet it was my decision to break it off because my feelings for him were not there anymore. some people just don't want to think that their partner has just fallen out of love with them.
A lady I know invited her ex-husband to her wedding to a new guy. The divorce was a mutual decision and they remained good friends. I think that it is quite nice that they still had a positive relationship together - particularly for the sake of their daughter. It could be possible that the OP had been told that his ex met her new fiance after their relationship had ended but then found out he had been lied to at the wedding.
40, This theory only applies in marriage when you've completely committed yourself to one person. Dating is and always will be a time during which you explore what you really want in life, theres no point avoiding something like that and later wondering or regretting. It's one thing to go around sleeping with someone or setting yourself up with a strong emotional attachment, but flirting? No. She clearly didn't see herself in the same place as where he did, and if she decided to end things and move on then it's her right to do so. Even if she did pull a bitch move and sleep with him, shes getting married now. I'd imagine that it is now so long ago that, well, who really gives a crap?
88, excuse me if I misread what you have written, but, flirting is okay?! yes people are developing flirtatious personalities but not many relationships will you find either partner entirely happy with the other half flirting. and you're not meant to commit fully until marriage? oh right okay, I'll go flirt, kiss, have sexual relations with people because I'm still experimenting even though I'm already with the person I want to commit to. who enters a marriage without having already committed themselves to that one person? why would either partner (if with the person they intend to marry) would even WANT to experiment with other people?!
I think OP's probably changed her underwear more than once every four years. It's ridiculous to generalise that this is a girl thing. My good male friend had the same thing happen; a friend of his had the same except he just cheated instead of breaking it off. I think when you are in a relationship, particularly an unfulfilling one, you learn what you want and don't want. Add to that the cliché when it rains, it pours. It always seems like eligible people just show up when you're attached and you magically become more attractive to others.
By the way, I don't think there's anything wrong with light flirting. My husband and I trust each other and don't see marriage as a reason to cease all contact with others. Flirting and being flirted with helps you feel attractive, interesting, and desired by others. As long as it doesn't progress to physical contact or emotional attachment, that's a great energy to bring home. It tends to make you more attractive to your spouse as well.
Downtime, I'm with you on this one. [Funny how our views on relationships can be so similar and opposing simultaneously.] Flirting is not a bad thing. My fiance is not a cheater, but I giggle when I catch him chatting with a girl who is obviously flirting. I'm okay with that. It makes him feel good. I tell him how great/hot/sexy/... he is all the time so it becomes normal. Having a college girl flirt with him in the grocery store is different. I like the occasional flirt, too, and he doesn't mind either.
138, Try reading first, then commenting. Stating things that I've outright explained are not acceptable - for the obvious reason of you're no longer just indicating interest and acting flirtatiously and are instead engaging in another form of relationship - then claiming that according to me these things are ok just makes your entire argument pointless. 147, I am not usually very good at remembering what I've discussed with different people, so I'll have to take your word on it :P While I personally agree flirting is absolutely fine in any situation, I do think the only time any partner would have a right to making claims otherwise would be in a marriage. If I caught my girlfriend/wife/...husband? flirting I don't think I'd even think twice about it.
well then please explain how I'm misunderstanding, because you're basically saying that dating doesn't really mean anything and you're allowed to experiment. agreed some couples are comfortable with flirting, but there's different levels and I'm sure some would probably draw a line at some point.
Dating is experimental in its core definition. If it weren't an experiment, you'd just get engaged/married. Dating is an adjustment time in which you get to know a potential lifelong partner/mate. While some people are uncomfortable with non-exclusive dating, why fully devote yourself to someone you're not even sure you want to be with long term? Why ask that person to be fully devoted to you? You're closing off all your options (and theirs) on a "maybe".
Awe Man. You Deserve Better Anyway, She'll Probably Do The Same Thing To The Other Guy To.
Why would you go? Move on and let that cheater live her pathetic life. Or you could fuck up the wedding a bit? Maybe push her into the wedding cake? >:)
How is she a slut? Maybe she met the guy but didnt cheat on her current boyfriend. She could have realized she had feelings for the other person and broke up with him. Why do people think so negatively all of the time?
#126 When I met my current boyfriend, he was dating another girl. He started developing feelings for me and felt extremely guilty for it while he was in a relationship. He ended up breaking up with the girl because he was unhappy and felt that it was unfair for the girl he was with. Not once did he touch me while he was in that relationship. He even waited a while before asking me out before he still felt like he wronged the girl. We've been dating for over 2 years now. Yes, in some cases, people may cheat; however, you can't stereotype people. Just because they met someone they loved while being with someone else does not mean they must cheat.
If there's one thing that FML tought me about going to the marriage of your ex, it's this: don't.