Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: You never see that in those pornos (or so I'm told) - FML

You never see that in those pornos (or so I'm told)

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, while trying anal for the first time, my partner pulled out but the condom got stuck. It was left it dangling outta my butt. FML

agreeclassic 828

vote type 1 379

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

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Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

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Kinda awkward

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 01:18 - United States - Tampa

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

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Nice try, chief

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 01:46 - United States

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Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

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Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

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It's up there somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 06:57 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Spicy

Today, it was the first time my fiancé and I have been able to have sex in the daytime for ages. We have 2 kids under 2 who take up most of our time, so when we had the opportunity, we grabbed a condom and pounced. Everything was going well until he pulled out… and left the condom inside. Now we can’t find it. FML

agreeclassic 1 497

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By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

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Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

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Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

agreeclassic 53 456

vote type 1 6 045

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

agreeclassic 36 574

vote type 1 11 546

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

agreeclassic 16 459

vote type 1 42 603

Next

TOP COMMENTS

spinningrecords 14

Thursday 23 March 2023 14:03

…like a little tail

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 27 March 2023 5:27

So... pull it out? If it's dangling, at least it's not stuck. Also, ew.

Comments

spinningrecords 14

Thursday 23 March 2023 14:03

…like a little tail

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 27 March 2023 5:27

So... pull it out? If it's dangling, at least it's not stuck. Also, ew.

1known 31

Monday 3 April 2023 1:42

He doesn’t know how to use a condom ??? And he didn’t help you ??? Why are you staying with him?

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Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

agreeclassic 39 412

vote type 1 5 873

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

agreeclassic 31 407

vote type 1 3 654

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

agreeclassic 16 262

vote type 1 63 163

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

agreeclassic 952

vote type 1 112

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

agreeclassic 37 250

vote type 1 6 229

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

agreeclassic 56 961

vote type 1 3 588