Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in... - FML

By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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By TooSunnyForSkin - 5/6/2013 04:22 - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 23:02

Delayed proposal

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

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By kaydebug - 15/8/2018 03:30

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

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By Brax - 30/5/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

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By sadgf - 29/3/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

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By hungry - 13/10/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

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By Ayeya - 4/6/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

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By hopeless - 14/2/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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By katie06 - 28/10/2010 06:39 - United States

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 20:24 - France - Paris

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

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By Kanata - 31/8/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

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By eww657 - 16/12/2009 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

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By thedd - 18/8/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

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By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

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By asshole - 2/10/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

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By ouchouchouch - 28/3/2012 04:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

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By blaaargh - 27/2/2016 08:54 - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

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By .... - 17/4/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2020 14:00

How to make a sociopath

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

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By diggingaplotforone - 11/8/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

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By deargodthepain - 2/2/2014 16:53 - United States

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

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By shadowfigure - 23/1/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

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By Midge - 16/3/2010 23:03 - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 05:38 - United States - Livingston

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

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By Jess - 30/5/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By wf - 14/9/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

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By -- - 4/9/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

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By SporadiCOOL - 27/8/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

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By Marc - 6/2/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

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By ProFesser - 28/3/2017 16:00

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

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By MsConfusedd - 9/8/2012 14:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

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By William Johnson - 26/12/2013 23:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

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By Tanya - 30/5/2019 11:26

Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 16:19 - United States - Newark

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

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By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/5/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

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Top comments

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#920188 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

Hehe that must have been one happy hamster.

By perdix | 29

#920233 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:47

Bad idea! Hell, yeah, that's a bad idea!

Your drunk hamster will start to do The Hamster Dance and that annoying song will come on. It will get stuck in your head for weeks until it slowly releases its grip on your brain. . . and then it plays again and the torture starts anew!

COMMENTS

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#920188 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

Hehe that must have been one happy hamster.

Reply

sicpupyz122 | 0

#920224 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:44

oooo

Reply

Phaa | 0

#920228 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:46

LOL.

Reply

GeoThermalSleuth | 0

#920256 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:54

... Brilliant. Either 2 things have happened

A) The Hamster is Dead
B) The Hamster is partying it up with some
alchohol and the party of a lifetime.

Reply

DGross | 8

#920301 - Sunday 7 March 2010 2:14

at least there are worse ways to go... like a chicken drinking soda...

Reply

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#920317 - Sunday 7 March 2010 2:20

So right, #1! He is tearing that wheel up! Hope he doesn't fall off

Reply

strandedinalimo | 0

#920390 - Sunday 7 March 2010 3:09

What? Hamsters can't die!

Reply

DeeBizz | 0

#920478 - Sunday 7 March 2010 3:54

would be better if you told us what happened , douche

Reply

MQ_was_here | 0

#920482 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:00

Okay, this has to be my favorite worded FML.

Reply

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#920489 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:04

@1: you mean that must be one dead hamster

Reply

fireobsessed | 0

#920595 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:05

ok how is this an fml??

Reply

Proper | 0

#920620 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:21

Why is your life fucked? Its your hamsters life thats fucked, if it still has onee.

Reply

dillonchristen | 0

#920659 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:43

so true

Reply

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#920661 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:43

Dont Let The Drunk Hamster Drive The Bus

Reply

evilspongebob | 0

#920662 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:44

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! that kid looks just like russel!! up was a badass movie!

Reply

Ademus | 0

#920792 - Sunday 7 March 2010 6:53

I hope that hamster is of legal age! >=0

Reply

ThatOneAdamKid24 | 0

#920911 - Sunday 7 March 2010 8:50

Hamsters actually have an extremely high tolerance to alcohol. Ounce for ounce a hamster could drink more than a human.

Reply

trizdan | 0

#921289 - Sunday 7 March 2010 11:11

yes but the hamster can't post on fml.. cause he's too drunk.

Reply

gigi_bella | 0

#921890 - Sunday 7 March 2010 16:28

Is he trying to convince himself he is the second Jesus?

Reply

bobby3130 | 0

#927182 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 3:01

hamsters take 100x more alcohol to get drunk then humans your hamster is fine

Reply

ps592 | 0

#941600 - Saturday 13 March 2010 7:52

bad symbolism

By onexgun | 0

#920190 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

I moderated this one and the wine killed the hamster :P

Reply

bezach | 0

#920504 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:16

XD nice "it died(smily face)"

By mama2b3 | 20

#920203 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:35

lol happy hamster =D

By buttshapedfruit | 0

#920208 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:38

lmao! drunk hamster! hahahaha

Reply

EllaFoLiFE | 0

#924288 - Monday 8 March 2010 6:21

buttshapedfruit, how the HECK did you come up with that name?!?!?

By Matiasbarbero | 1

#920209 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:39

ur sexy!

By beepelati | 5

#920210 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

ahaha oh god, that must be one drunk hamster!

By LtHoward | 0

#920211 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

huh.. I find myself wondering how intoxicated animals behave now. lol

Reply

LtHoward | 0

#920837 - Sunday 7 March 2010 7:27

They are night-vision goggles, my brother got them with the Modern Warfare 2 game for the xbox 360 lol SteelSgtHoward if you play =P

Reply

LtHoward | 0

#921435 - Sunday 7 March 2010 12:58

haha yeah

I have a PS3 account with the exact same gamertag but my brother's PS3 is not working so I rarely play it.

By Craw25 | 0

#920213 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

Awesome

By Craw25 | 0

#920218 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:42

Hello Ohsosweet

By Erniesduck123 | 0

#920225 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:45

Narcissistic camwhores who take pictures on their crappy cell phone at a weird angle in their bathroom mirror can never be sexy.