Animals: Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in... - FML

By Lucy - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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You tried

Dementia or hate? You decide

Go to a doctor

By Username - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

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By CatLady - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

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By Monique - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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By ToddesPizza - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

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By iskiel - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

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By ugh - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

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By Mia

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromley

Testing times

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

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By pop_rox - United States

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

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By Kimberly - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

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By Chedder - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

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By probablyfired

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

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By kylie

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

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By qwaynick

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

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By grossedout - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

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By ashlyn - United States

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

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By lynn777 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

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By Randy - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

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By ipopnlok - Australia

Romance is dead

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

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By 9gingerface66 - United States

Kinky

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

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By aces10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

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By ThisBlows - United States

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

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By nobrony - United States - Katonah

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

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By CaptBlood - 21/5/2021 00:01

Action - Reaction

Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML

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By Aric - 8/10/2020 05:01

Thanks Felicia

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

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By Stuck - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

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By Lea - Denmark

Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML

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By for shite's sake - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

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Top comments

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#920188 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

Hehe that must have been one happy hamster.

By perdix | 29

#920233 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:47

Bad idea! Hell, yeah, that's a bad idea!

Your drunk hamster will start to do The Hamster Dance and that annoying song will come on. It will get stuck in your head for weeks until it slowly releases its grip on your brain. . . and then it plays again and the torture starts anew!

COMMENTS

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#920188 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

Hehe that must have been one happy hamster.

Reply

sicpupyz122 | 0

#920224 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:44

oooo

Reply

Phaa | 0

#920228 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:46

LOL.

Reply

GeoThermalSleuth | 0

#920256 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:54

... Brilliant. Either 2 things have happened

A) The Hamster is Dead
B) The Hamster is partying it up with some
alchohol and the party of a lifetime.

Reply

DGross | 8

#920301 - Sunday 7 March 2010 2:14

at least there are worse ways to go... like a chicken drinking soda...

Reply

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#920317 - Sunday 7 March 2010 2:20

So right, #1! He is tearing that wheel up! Hope he doesn't fall off

Reply

strandedinalimo | 0

#920390 - Sunday 7 March 2010 3:09

What? Hamsters can't die!

Reply

DeeBizz | 0

#920478 - Sunday 7 March 2010 3:54

would be better if you told us what happened , douche

Reply

MQ_was_here | 0

#920482 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:00

Okay, this has to be my favorite worded FML.

Reply

MetroidSlayer01 | 8

#920489 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:04

@1: you mean that must be one dead hamster

Reply

fireobsessed | 0

#920595 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:05

ok how is this an fml??

Reply

Proper | 0

#920620 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:21

Why is your life fucked? Its your hamsters life thats fucked, if it still has onee.

Reply

dillonchristen | 0

#920659 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:43

so true

Reply

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#920661 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:43

Dont Let The Drunk Hamster Drive The Bus

Reply

evilspongebob | 0

#920662 - Sunday 7 March 2010 5:44

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! that kid looks just like russel!! up was a badass movie!

Reply

Ademus | 0

#920792 - Sunday 7 March 2010 6:53

I hope that hamster is of legal age! >=0

Reply

ThatOneAdamKid24 | 0

#920911 - Sunday 7 March 2010 8:50

Hamsters actually have an extremely high tolerance to alcohol. Ounce for ounce a hamster could drink more than a human.

Reply

trizdan | 0

#921289 - Sunday 7 March 2010 11:11

yes but the hamster can't post on fml.. cause he's too drunk.

Reply

gigi_bella | 0

#921890 - Sunday 7 March 2010 16:28

Is he trying to convince himself he is the second Jesus?

Reply

bobby3130 | 0

#927182 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 3:01

hamsters take 100x more alcohol to get drunk then humans your hamster is fine

Reply

ps592 | 0

#941600 - Saturday 13 March 2010 7:52

bad symbolism

By onexgun | 0

#920190 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:32

I moderated this one and the wine killed the hamster :P

Reply

bezach | 0

#920504 - Sunday 7 March 2010 4:16

XD nice "it died(smily face)"

By mama2b3 | 20

#920203 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:35

lol happy hamster =D

By buttshapedfruit | 0

#920208 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:38

lmao! drunk hamster! hahahaha

Reply

EllaFoLiFE | 0

#924288 - Monday 8 March 2010 6:21

buttshapedfruit, how the HECK did you come up with that name?!?!?

By Matiasbarbero | 1

#920209 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:39

ur sexy!

By beepelati | 5

#920210 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

ahaha oh god, that must be one drunk hamster!

By LtHoward | 0

#920211 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

huh.. I find myself wondering how intoxicated animals behave now. lol

Reply

LtHoward | 0

#920837 - Sunday 7 March 2010 7:27

They are night-vision goggles, my brother got them with the Modern Warfare 2 game for the xbox 360 lol SteelSgtHoward if you play =P

Reply

LtHoward | 0

#921435 - Sunday 7 March 2010 12:58

haha yeah

I have a PS3 account with the exact same gamertag but my brother's PS3 is not working so I rarely play it.

By Craw25 | 0

#920213 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:40

Awesome

By Craw25 | 0

#920218 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:42

Hello Ohsosweet

By Erniesduck123 | 0

#920225 - Sunday 7 March 2010 1:45

Narcissistic camwhores who take pictures on their crappy cell phone at a weird angle in their bathroom mirror can never be sexy.