Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML
Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML
Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML
Today, my spiritual faith is put to the test. Divine intervention? Spiritual challenge? No. I somehow got in the middle of a violent argument between two colleagues, who both think I'm on the opposing side. One claims she knows witchcraft, the other claims to have "unseen friends" who owe him big. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I answered the door to two Mormon girls from America. I live in the UK and am not religious at all, but I was too polite to slam the door and ended up letting them in. An hour later, a copy of 'The Book of Mormon' and 'My Pathway to Baptism' and I think I'm now a Mormon. FML
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
Today, my daughter was complaining about having no friends. My son told her it’s her own fault for attending church 3 times a week and trying to convert everyone at school like a Jehovah's witness who you can’t shut the door on. He’s 100% right but now she won’t stop crying. FML
Today, my parents were watching videos of police officers dealing with stubborn suspects. I overheard my mom saying, "It's like a Christian trying to argue with an atheist about God" and my dad agreed. Good to know that they're still as intolerant as ever, and it will never be safe for me to come out as an atheist. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Next time open the door completely naked holding a pickle in your hand in one hand, while combing your pubes with the other. They'll never bother you again.
renaee 13
Feisty. I like it.
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Comments (67)
mdizzl 6
I hate when they come to my door. I'm sorry, but a stupid flyer isn't going to change my mind!
mortiz91_fml 6
Jehovah's witnesses are such a pain in the ass
_Noon_ 0
I like the way you think OP. And you got something out of it after all: a published FML!
chickie22 0
Actually if you live in the city its possible or your just a jerk and making it up
rngray984 0
Try working with one everyday 8 hours a day expect Thursday's he goes and does his walk arounds door to door.
bengermin 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Comma splices, make you seem ignorant, and he answered, it's his fault. I don't answer the door when they come.
WeahNicole 0
Comma splices, when use correctly, are important in proper sentences.
metallicshadow 16
i'm all for religion and stuff, but I can't stand those door-to-door religious nuts
NomOnShroomz 14
That's when you smack em' across the face with a bible.
burningpassion69 6
next time were a upsidedown cross and awnser the door they will take a good look at you and walk away. he'll it worked for me and they never came to me house again
bertoelmexicano 6
Jehovah's Witnesses are not violent people. This FML is made up
chickie22 0
Thank you for helping prove my point!
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
I know for a fact that this FML is fake. Some of my family are Jehovah's Witnesses and know that no Jehovah's Witness would ever do that... -_-