Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork...

By Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey - 17/9/2018 02:22

Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork and couldn't remember my son's name. FML

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Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey tells us more :

OP here. Yes my sons name is as long as mine, but it doesn't make anything easier or harder. My memory comes and goes with good and bad days. Wishing it would get better but not much of a chance there. Bad thing is I'm only 24 years old.

Kids

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Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 17:01 - Germany

Packaging

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 14:00

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

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By sausagefingers - 22/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

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By poopboy - 16/1/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

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By not ashamed! - 5/9/2020 07:57 - United States

Double standards

Today, I was told how irresponsible, dangerous and shameful it is to date as a single mom. Apparently, my one and only focus should be my children. I’ve had one boyfriend in the past two years. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has a new flavor of the month around our kids whenever he sees fit. FML

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By Giraafe - 9/5/2016 17:53 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

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By Haley. - 26/3/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

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By poop hands - 20/12/2016 03:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

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By Noname - 13/2/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

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By Jayde - 4/2/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

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By boopingsnoot - 26/8/2017 18:30 - United States - Nashville

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2015 08:50 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

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By Noname - 6/3/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2016 23:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

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By Bluetooth Connection - 1/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

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By anonamous - 17/7/2009 16:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 09:19

Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML

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By Anonyme - 2/9/2015 04:21 - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

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By kha - 24/3/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

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By fmlalways - 22/1/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

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By tooflufoschool - 14/10/2009 13:00 - United States

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

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By Zanovitch - 13/8/2013 20:19 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2010 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

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By NoFunForMe - 31/8/2015 16:27 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

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By targe - 19/10/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

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By ali grace - 14/5/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

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By ForeverLost - 26/3/2020 20:21

Together, forever

Today, my wife asked me for a divorce, shortly after I found out she's been having an affair. Then our county placed us on quarantine for Covid-19. Now I'm stuck living with her until it goes away. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

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By tyrettes - 11/8/2019 20:00

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

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By Angelica - 26/5/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

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By how many?! - 22/8/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

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By inyobeddd - 2/5/2013 08:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7691093 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

By Zekfen | 17

#7691096 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7691093 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey | 16

#7693864 - Saturday 15 September 2018 14:22

He has just as many as I do thanks to my wife.

By Zekfen | 17

#7691096 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7691134 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:27

Extra plot twist: He's his own son.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7691107 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:49

did you at least remember yours 💫

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7691111 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:59

Just looking at your own name, I wouldn't be surprised if your son's name was something like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

By pjsr | 32

#7691117 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 1:20

Just write down, “Junior”

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7691128 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:09

Oh, so that's what Professor Oak is up to these days.

Snakesta | 4

#7691140 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 3:14

"Uh... It's me, Gramps."

Dave_Davington | 33

#7694520 - Monday 17 September 2018 4:02

That's right, I remember now. His name is DOUCHE!

By kujiens101 | 24

#7691168 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 6:16

Several things can promote poor memory, including depression, anxiety, and ADD, among others. If you feel that you’re suffering from any of these, you should take an online test (it should be a .gov). They honestly saved my life.

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey | 16

#7693865 - Saturday 15 September 2018 14:24

PTSD and depression.

By Swellswellswell | 17

#7691215 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 8:46

Im surprised that I remeber my own name sometimes! That's why I wear a name tag at work...........

By Luxxi | 18

#7691445 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 14:44

Name your next child Name so you can't forget!

By baristalbc | 18

#7691826 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 7:13

Sometimes u can’t remember my own name. Not joking.

baristalbc | 18

#7691828 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 7:14

I. I can’t remember my own name.

bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7694526 - Monday 17 September 2018 4:37

You're right. I can't remember your own name.