Kids and Health: Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork...

OP here. Yes my sons name is as long as mine, but it doesn't make anything easier or harder. My memory comes and goes with good and bad days. Wishing it would get better but not much of a chance there. Bad thing is I'm only 24 years old.

Kids Health

Age difference

Family values

Keep your distance

21/07/2010 20:31

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 009

You deserved it 6 204

04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 224

You deserved it 340

27/04/2011 16:21

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 522

You deserved it 7 979

21/02/2009 09:35

Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 054

You deserved it 68 409

10/03/2010 20:53

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 61 358

02/09/2011 03:44

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 048

You deserved it 20 660

Work is hell

By Levi2411 - 06/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 1 186

09/11/2009 15:18

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 384

You deserved it 38 035

29/11/2010 14:03

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 015

You deserved it 3 896

18/08/2011 01:51

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 6 727

Geography

By Fhhmylifeman - 11/04/2021 11:00

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 177

Gotcha good

By fuck you, dad - 08/02/2014 20:54

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 776

You deserved it 18 609

22/04/2009 13:20

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 396

You deserved it 7 561

04/07/2011 16:09

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 15 127

11/06/2016 19:04

Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 461

You deserved it 1 759

19/03/2010 04:11

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 924

You deserved it 24 917

11/12/2010 03:42

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 427

You deserved it 4 656

09/06/2010 04:41

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 144

You deserved it 64 124

24/12/2010 22:32

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 3 820

11/07/2009 23:11

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 554

You deserved it 2 716

21/10/2012 23:11

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 007

You deserved it 2 802

20/08/2009 12:45

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 513

You deserved it 3 065

29/08/2014 12:35

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 702

You deserved it 4 188

27/05/2009 00:22

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 286 887

12/09/2011 16:15

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 519

You deserved it 15 192

16/02/2013 05:27

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 499

You deserved it 59 705

18/12/2015 01:45

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 741

You deserved it 2 322

08/12/2011 18:14

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 750

You deserved it 2 295

Scared shitless

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 05:23

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was leaving through the glass doors, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors, smashing my head. I'd actually seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 908

You deserved it 11 964

19/12/2010 20:51

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 7 175

24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 139

19/01/2016 14:18

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 345

You deserved it 2 165

Not funny

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 18:02

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 2 680

22/07/2012 19:25

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 33 735

Cemetery Gates

By KateHGW - 09/06/2021 00:01

Today, I handed in an internship assignment that I have been working on for months. Once submitted, a pop-up showed, stating the assignment was 100% plagiarized. What was it plagiarized from? A student paper. My own, to be more specific - the exact same paper I had uploaded seconds before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 58

26/10/2012 07:58

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 821

You deserved it 2 341

02/11/2010 16:26

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 673

You deserved it 37 188

27/01/2014 14:40

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 362

You deserved it 4 358

20/07/2010 13:33

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 616

You deserved it 40 954

29/11/2013 23:55

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 4 310

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

Zekfen 17

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey 16

Saturday 15 September 2018 14:22

He has just as many as I do thanks to my wife.

Zekfen 17

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:27

Extra plot twist: He's his own son.

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:49

did you at least remember yours 💫

Glowworm56 25

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:59

Just looking at your own name, I wouldn't be surprised if your son's name was something like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

pjsr 32

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 1:20

Just write down, “Junior”

Dave_Davington 33

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:09

Oh, so that's what Professor Oak is up to these days.

Snakesta 4

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 3:14

"Uh... It's me, Gramps."

Dave_Davington 33

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Monday 17 September 2018 4:02

That's right, I remember now. His name is DOUCHE!

kujiens101 24

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Tuesday 11 September 2018 6:16

Several things can promote poor memory, including depression, anxiety, and ADD, among others. If you feel that you’re suffering from any of these, you should take an online test (it should be a .gov). They honestly saved my life.