Kids and Health: Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork...

By Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey

Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork and couldn't remember my son's name. FML

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Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey tells us more :

OP here. Yes my sons name is as long as mine, but it doesn't make anything easier or harder. My memory comes and goes with good and bad days. Wishing it would get better but not much of a chance there. Bad thing is I'm only 24 years old.

Kids

Health

Dementia or hate? You decide

Bad news

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By what did i marry - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

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By definitelynotugly

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 23:00

Crisis

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 7-year-old learned "Smoke Weed Everyday" from YouTube, and has repeated it so many times that I'm now singing it. FML

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By tokinallday - United States - Kingsport

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

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By startingover - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

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By Darryl - Australia - Tarragindi

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

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By NiHao - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

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By NoCookForYou - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

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By DamnGurl - 12/2/2021 02:58 - United States - Kula

Too clever

Today, during a programming interview, I provided the right approach and the right answer as agreed by the interviewer, but used some extra variables with proper names. Guess who is not selected for the next round due to those extra variables. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

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By nonexistant - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

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By Ihatemyfamily - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

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By dating a moron - United States - Dearborn

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

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By CA19oo - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

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By "Anti_Sora"

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

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By unemployed-dude - Australia - Vermont

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

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By kise - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 00:01 - United States

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

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By CUCKOO - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

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By Kaeyne - United States

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

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By uglynerd - United States - Streamwood

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 14:01

Slow moving accident

Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML

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By Kathrynn - United States

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Cheeky!

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

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By asthmattack - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

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By hungry n hypoglycemic - 6/1/2021 17:01

We live in a society!

Today, after standing in line for most of my lunch break just to buy food, some asshole with a cart full of stuff cut in front of me. He claimed that he was there the whole time, and the whole line, plus the cashier backed him up. I missed lunch. FML

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By aj513 - United States - New Bedford

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

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By collegekid - 17/5/2020 14:00

Marriage story

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7691093 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

By Zekfen | 17

#7691096 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7691093 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:09

With as many names as you have, I’m surprised that you have room for anybody else’s.

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey | 16

#7693864 - Saturday 15 September 2018 14:22

He has just as many as I do thanks to my wife.

By Zekfen | 17

#7691096 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:17

Plot twist, his son is named after him.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7691134 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:27

Extra plot twist: He's his own son.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7691107 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:49

did you at least remember yours 💫

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7691111 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 0:59

Just looking at your own name, I wouldn't be surprised if your son's name was something like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

By pjsr | 32

#7691117 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 1:20

Just write down, “Junior”

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7691128 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 2:09

Oh, so that's what Professor Oak is up to these days.

Snakesta | 4

#7691140 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 3:14

"Uh... It's me, Gramps."

Dave_Davington | 33

#7694520 - Monday 17 September 2018 4:02

That's right, I remember now. His name is DOUCHE!

By kujiens101 | 24

#7691168 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 6:16

Several things can promote poor memory, including depression, anxiety, and ADD, among others. If you feel that you’re suffering from any of these, you should take an online test (it should be a .gov). They honestly saved my life.

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey | 16

#7693865 - Saturday 15 September 2018 14:24

PTSD and depression.

By Swellswellswell | 17

#7691215 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 8:46

Im surprised that I remeber my own name sometimes! That's why I wear a name tag at work...........

By Luxxi | 18

#7691445 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 14:44

Name your next child Name so you can't forget!

By baristalbc | 18

#7691826 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 7:13

Sometimes u can’t remember my own name. Not joking.

baristalbc | 18

#7691828 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 7:14

I. I can’t remember my own name.

bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7694526 - Monday 17 September 2018 4:37

You're right. I can't remember your own name.