Kids, Health and School: Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our...

By Debra - 14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 976

Kids Health School

The smell detective is on the case

Mama's boy

Overreaching

By wtfmom - 07/10/2014 21:10 - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 315

You deserved it 2 862

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 275

You deserved it 4 406

By Anonymous - 04/08/2015 13:31 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 759

You deserved it 15 875

By Kjer - 24/03/2013 00:38 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 41 626

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 02:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 681

You deserved it 2 166

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 089

You deserved it 3 751

By Curt - 06/09/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 796

You deserved it 9 382

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 67 540

By Anonymous - 20/07/2012 20:26 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 476

You deserved it 3 111

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 1 700

By littelace - 19/02/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 899

You deserved it 24 440

By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - 14/11/2014 00:21 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 939

You deserved it 2 827

Pay up

By wasntme - 10/05/2020 08:00

Today, I got a bill for $62.70 because my company gave my last work car to some idiot who doesn't like to pay the toll road fees. They never took me off the registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 96

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 065

You deserved it 3 455

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 88

By Falouila - 17/12/2008 07:15 - France

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 4 989

By aprilfooled - 02/04/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 951

You deserved it 76 670

By crap - 17/01/2014 16:24 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 961

You deserved it 4 406

Help!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 19:58

Today, our boss nicely asked if we were stressed. Before I could answer in the affirmative and ask for help, my colleague replied, “Stress is for the weak!” She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 94

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 6 750

Sign your name across my…?

By bitchonia - 28/03/2020 17:00 - Canada

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 1 483

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:10 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 174

You deserved it 1 182

Premeditated

By IgiveUp - 28/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went out to eat with my friends. When the bill came, all 3 of them had "inconveniently" forgot their wallets at home. I ended up having to pay. It was a $178 check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 89

By CC - 02/09/2012 06:27 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 715

You deserved it 4 733

By Ulysse - 23/11/2008 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 8 549

Bugging out

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Tampa

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 280

By John - 07/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years. She said no. Why? She's already married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 588

You deserved it 6 322

Phished

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 627

Bro, do you even lift?

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I sprained my bicep. The urgent care doctor told me to take it easy on weight lifting. When I told him I hurt myself holding a book, he had to leave the room because he couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 211

By ohbiebjetaime - 30/06/2012 20:09 - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 760

You deserved it 3 228

By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 1 594

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 202

You deserved it 15 219

By Oriianna Raiinbow - 23/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 717

You deserved it 4 544

By Anonymous - 14/10/2014 18:57 - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 507

You deserved it 3 454

By Not impressed. - 19/11/2013 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 3 034

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 09:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 5 688

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 4 348

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/04/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 388

You deserved it 37 926

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 625

You deserved it 3 484

Oh, hi grandma!

By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01

Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 298

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Top comments

ChromoTec 24

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Tuesday 1 May 2018 1:36

Just so you know, this wasn't your fault. Typically there are little to no signs of a stroke before it happens. And to a kindergartener? Practically unheard of.

TheUnforgiven 8

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Monday 14 May 2018 19:12

Well the little headache probably has a big one now. Sorry to hear about thay OP, not your fault.

ChromoTec 24

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Tuesday 1 May 2018 1:36

Just so you know, this wasn't your fault. Typically there are little to no signs of a stroke before it happens. And to a kindergartener? Practically unheard of.

White Trash 10

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Tuesday 1 May 2018 20:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Arashikage 18

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Monday 14 May 2018 21:22

Are you retarded?

TheUnforgiven 8

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Monday 14 May 2018 19:12

Well the little headache probably has a big one now. Sorry to hear about thay OP, not your fault.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 14 May 2018 19:47

That’s a very unlucky fluke. I was that kind of student. My teachers would give me pillows and warm milk. In college.

manb91uk 22

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Tuesday 15 May 2018 4:47

This does not surprise me in the slightest..

blahblabbity 19

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Monday 14 May 2018 20:38

i really hope the parents aren’t blaming you! we’re gonna need an update, please!!!

indienerdgirl 27

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Monday 14 May 2018 21:28

You had no way of knowing. I'd assume this happens so rarely with young kids especially his age. I hope you're not blaming yourself because any teacher might've done the same with a class clown just to have a few minutes of peace. Please update us on what happened!

bobsanction 18

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Monday 14 May 2018 21:53

Well that's pretty unexpected.

thatslifeiguess7 16

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Monday 14 May 2018 22:38

This needs an update. Did he have a seizure disorder? Cerbal Palsy? FML for him and his parents

boopingsnoot 24

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Tuesday 15 May 2018 4:32

Sometimes, a clot can travel from a mundane bruise... there are so many risk factors but it can happen to anyone :(

Seeya55 31

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Monday 14 May 2018 23:01

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. At all, There's NO WAY you could have known. Good on you for checking after 10 minutes though. Take it easy on yourself. My sons preschool teacher lets mine sleep a bit extra too if they don't wake with the hustle of the classroom waking. Its absolutely normal!