Kids: Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 38

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 112

18/01/2016 01:48

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 100

You deserved it 1 610

Vulture

BO Central

Walk on the wild side

06/01/2009 03:27

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 2 548

08/03/2010 05:14

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 012

You deserved it 3 595

Enjoy!

By sad and hungry - 06/06/2015 14:37

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 458

You deserved it 6 524

07/12/2009 22:54

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 095

You deserved it 5 928

23/09/2012 09:23

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 903

You deserved it 2 601

Going nowhere fast

By Shewhoisprobablyafurry - 03/05/2020 02:00

Today, I have a massive crush on a fictional character. Who happens to be an ermine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 1 079

10/01/2015 22:12

Spicy

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 3 011

25/11/2015 12:32

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 1 863

18/04/2019 18:00

Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 345

16/01/2010 21:24

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 486

You deserved it 7 867

09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 781

You deserved it 3 382

25/05/2016 10:35

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 339

You deserved it 853

22/07/2011 06:29

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 058

21/12/2015 04:24

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 635

You deserved it 1 622

13/07/2019 00:31

Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 376

17/11/2010 03:43

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 940

You deserved it 57 523

27/02/2009 22:58

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 915

You deserved it 6 972

Teenagers…

By LieutenantDimwit - 30/04/2021 18:01

Today, my uncle picked up a tissue box and threw it at my sister for fun. My sister got mad and yeeted the box at me. I reacted with the same action, but she lost her crap and kicked and punched me. When I reported the incident to my parents, I get berated and my sister got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 126

13/07/2013 04:22

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 042

You deserved it 5 228

What goes around…

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 20:01

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 303

21/02/2014 09:59

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 845

You deserved it 4 097

13/02/2016 07:45

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 656

You deserved it 1 521

08/01/2011 20:15

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 4 128

10/08/2009 19:05

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 625

You deserved it 4 699

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 537

13/09/2012 23:38

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 974

You deserved it 3 776

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 305

Opening old wounds

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 12:01

Today, I was cleaning out the garage and found one of my old science fair projects. It was disqualified for outside help and cheating. I didn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 56

12/01/2015 12:53

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 4 194

03/01/2012 05:32

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 295

You deserved it 2 608

07/09/2018 03:00

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 484

You deserved it 208

Charity

By fail - 26/04/2009 05:38

Today, I worked a carwash as a fundraiser. Being nice, I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 675

You deserved it 11 420

17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 286

You deserved it 178

23/09/2011 08:31

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 3 202

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 606

07/05/2010 08:30

Spicy

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 793

You deserved it 4 911

21/01/2011 23:02

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 5 907

27/04/2009 13:51

Spicy

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 130 136

28/02/2011 15:27

Spicy

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 684

You deserved it 6 795

31/05/2011 17:01

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 722

You deserved it 10 158

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:18

I hope you went straight to hospital to get checked out and right after that to police and filed an assault charge. Being blacked out for any amount of time is a serious health issue and a concussion and headache would be the least of your worries. As harsh as it sounds, if the kid doesn't learn what consequences are, he is going to kill someone before he's a teen.

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Monday 18 January 2016 10:57

You lost your job? Did the mom not give you any time to explain..? (I think I already know the answer)

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Monday 18 January 2016 10:55

Wow that sucks big time I feel for you OP what a stupid mother

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Monday 18 January 2016 10:57

You lost your job? Did the mom not give you any time to explain..? (I think I already know the answer)

sturschaedel 27

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Monday 18 January 2016 14:28

Yeah. At least now you know where the kid got his behaviour from.

oathkeeper99 31

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Monday 18 January 2016 10:57

That's weird, normally when I've been babysitting siblings the older one thinks it's hilarious that the younger one has to go to bed first. He must really love his sister I guess. This is kinda cute, apart from the whole being knocked out and screamed at thing.

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Monday 18 January 2016 16:43

More scary than cute. I dont know any 10 year olds that would get that physical

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Monday 18 January 2016 20:12

He attacked OP with a blunt object to the head because his little sister was going to SLEEP. Cute? It's seriously alarming and the mother needs to be held responsible and get her child behavioral therapy or something.

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:04

How did the 10 year old knock you out?

onlychildFTW 33

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:06

Yeah I'm wondering that to. How can a 10 year old knock someone out that easily? Unless they used some kind of aid like throwing a toaster or something.

chinaski7628 32

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:29

I'm guessing, by OP's user name, it was with some kind of heavy sports equipment....

sturschaedel 27

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Monday 18 January 2016 14:29

My guess: baseball bat. Or kricket.

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Monday 18 January 2016 17:40

Could have been a well-aimed heatshot. For example, when my older brother was a toddler he infamously knocked my Mum out cold when he was trying to get her attention and threw a toy hippo at her from the top of the stairs.

MiLM 37

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:08

You should be happy; you don't have to deal with that idiot/psycho family again :D But yeah, FYL for the headache and getting knocked out P:

thefmlman2011 35

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:15

Personally, I would let you explain first, before loosing my shit

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Monday 18 January 2016 12:44

Lol, 'loosing my shit'

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Monday 18 January 2016 15:44

I have to say that that is an excellent typo, 7.

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Thursday 21 January 2016 21:38

Maybe so, but if the mother had been that sensible, her child would probably not think of criminal assault as a dispute resolution technique.

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:18

I hope you went straight to hospital to get checked out and right after that to police and filed an assault charge. Being blacked out for any amount of time is a serious health issue and a concussion and headache would be the least of your worries. As harsh as it sounds, if the kid doesn't learn what consequences are, he is going to kill someone before he's a teen.

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Monday 18 January 2016 12:39

Yeah, I'm not suit happy, but knocking someone out is a serious thing and OP could have some real effects from not only the first blow, but the impact with the floor after. I hope OP got themselves checked out and takes some action.

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Monday 18 January 2016 14:01

Yep! any loss of consciousness automatically indicates moderate brain trauma. any loss of consciousness for more than 30 seconds is serious brain trauma. so if OP was out for more than 30 sec then it's definitely serious enough to need to spend the night in hospital. my kid had a bad fall and was listed at minor and they kept her for 4 hrs until she started going on about how she was starving. also if you vomit more than once after it's a sign to call the ambulance. somehow I'm thinking that OP might be exaggerating. if not then go immediately to hospital.

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Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:31

Wouldn't there be a giant bruise or blackened mark to indicate something had happened besides "falling asleep"?

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:18

I would watch this fml as a movie.

GrumpyGrinch 23

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Monday 18 January 2016 11:24

Exactly as #8 says: "I hope you went straight to hospital to get checked out and right after that to police and filed an assault charge." 1. This is serious health damage, possibly lasting one. 2. The parents are responsible for their kids behaviour before they are 18, sue the parents, get compensation. You deserve it. Nobody is allowed to knock out people (for doing their job), not even a 10 year old. Apparently he had strength and skills enough. Afraid all that screaming at you thing was aimed to get you confused and trick you to think its somehow your fault.

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Monday 18 January 2016 12:07

What did he hit you with? I'm sorry OP