Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was... - FML

By moe - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

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Understandable

And today, on Dr Phil…

Walk on the wild side

By dmlk - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

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By Maddii1112 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

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By sickdisney - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

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By BriarFace - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

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By Ella - United States

Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again. FML

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By twintowers - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

That caffeine rush

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

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By Anonymous

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

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By knepmj - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

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By Username - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By Rmglrsm

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

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By Randiluck - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

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By CandlesSuck - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

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By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

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By jacobscrackers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

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By pain - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

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By AmihayG - Israel

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

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By kashish0711 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

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By inappropes

Start your Monday with a Song!

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

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By daughter - United States - Kailua

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text: "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 17:01

Birthday blues

Today, I turned 39 and I finally had my very first surprise birthday party. It was held by a group of video game animals in Animal Crossing instead of by real people, because I'm not important enough to them to remember my birthday without Facebook's intervention. FML

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By Leo_RxXx - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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By lct722 - Canada

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

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By facepalm - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

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By DebtedToSociety - United States

Today, I was watching a TV show about people with shopping addictions. One girl was $15,000 in debt and I thought how horrible it would be to live with that. Then I realized that I'm in medical school and currently $135,000 in debt. At least they have something to show for their debt. FML

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By marriedtoacunt - United Kingdom - London

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

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By momoftheyearedition - United States - Landenberg

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

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By sillvy - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

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By Haggis300 - Australia

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

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By Lilo4life - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

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By ElectroSpecter

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

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By bw9669 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

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By - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

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Top comments

By Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2085069 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:24

Wow, get over it, it's not even a real holiday.

By atomheartm_fml | 0

#2084976 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:57

Well at least you have his number now don't you?

COMMENTS

By atomheartm_fml | 0

#2084976 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:57

Well at least you have his number now don't you?

Reply

jeremyt8nc | 6

#2085008 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:08

Unless it was a girl perhaps.

Reply

auzzrage | 1

#2085043 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:16

poor OP sure you'll find someone for next valentine day

Reply

Faleni | 4

#2085145 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 10:00

yeahhif op is a creeper! lol

Reply

zine_fml | 5

#4727914 - Tuesday 24 July 2012 17:54

28 you're cute

By samadams42 | 0

#2084978 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:58

That is what i call a sticky situation.

Reply

GunReaper | 0

#2085045 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:17

it's not a sticky situation unless she's fucked, meaning in a bind such as "damn how am I gonna explain this to my boss?" or "shoot which girl should I take to the dance" or one oh those damned if I do damn if I don't situations. but OP I feel ya): I hate valentines day! the day guinea pig died. 9 year old Jasper.

Reply

auzzrage | 1

#2085060 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:23

sorry for your hamster 15 :P and ya nothing good comes from valentines day from my experience

Reply

auzzrage | 1

#2085072 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:25

I meant guinea-pig I'm sorry

Reply

bariforlife | 0

#2085075 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:27

in my experience i make valentines day fun if im single i go wit friends and hav fun so u jus got to make the most out of it

Reply

samadams42 | 0

#2085724 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 15:09

Wrong FML.

By schwiggidy | 0

#2084979 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:59

so you got one!

Reply

draycore1 | 0

#2086561 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 21:53

Nobody at all said happy valentines day to me lol..

Reply

JJM49 | 0

#3849572 - Sunday 8 January 2012 9:36

CREEPER FACE

By RinnieRiot | 9

#2084984 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:00

Happy Valentines.

Reply

samadams42 | 0

#2084995 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:04

Happy Valentine's Day to you too!

Reply

#2085154 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 10:04

And ya mama!

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2085202 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 11:04

HFVD

By shsftbl61 | 0

#2084992 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:03

Loser...seriously...

By LemonBlue | 0

#2084997 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:05

I'd hold a knife to someone and demand they wish me a happy valentines day if I were like you

Reply

TeddyBearBabe | 7

#3940278 - Wednesday 25 January 2012 7:08

Couldn't agree with you more on that

By rattusrattus | 18

#2085005 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:06

*facepalm* *facepalm*
...
*facepalm*

See my rant in a previous FML about how this isn't the 18th Century, women should be valued by their own worth rather than tangentially by a man's worth, and how Valentine's day completely misses the point of romance by making it an obligation.

I'm not going to say YDI, but... it's not an FML either. We need a 'grow the hell up' option, methinks.

Reply

ohthebloodygore | 16

#2085018 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:10

9, exactly. Many people either 'Love/hate' the day based on whether they have a valentine or not.
I simply hate it because it's my birthday.

By auzzrage | 1

#2085035 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:14

maybe after moe the lonely
guy off simpsons?

By FuckinNazeh | 0

#2085038 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:16

Need a hug?

By amazingDUH | 0

#2085050 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:20

the same thing happened to me today but it was a text to the wrong number.

Reply

GtHottie | 0

#2087562 - Wednesday 16 February 2011 5:43

me too but at least I had others