Miscellaneous: Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can... - FML

By MelanieP - United States

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

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BO Central

Instadrama

All in the family

By ohman - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

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By Andrew - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

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By morningbirdie - 20/9/2020 14:01

Drunk level: 2000

Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML

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By poo_shoe123 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

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By Username - France

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

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By FuckYouMotherNature - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

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By gingerwhinger - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Walker

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

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By -_- - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

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By superfiedman - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

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By mockable - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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By helen

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

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By justgreatgirl - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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By Himynameisjacob - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

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By ac-hoo - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By popcorn - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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By m - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

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By Frauded - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

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By Sad - United States

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

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By zstarr - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

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By insignificant - United States

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

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By Tim - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

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By mcginnismr

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

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By Walmart Associate

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

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By izaya - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

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By LonelyPorkChop - Australia

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

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By AintEasyBeinWheezy - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

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By smiles22 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

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By Fiona the Deceived

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2020 08:00

Never? NEVER?!

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for 4 years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

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By pleasebackintomycaragain - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

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By Quirk - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

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Top comments

By shoshizzle | 0

#523710 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

Aww. :(

By dul_fml | 2

#523741 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:15

Someone needs to head outside. I bet you have at least ONE phone number stored away that you could call.

COMMENTS

By frondew | 0

#523707 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

Fake.

Reply

emilysanftwsom | 0

#523769 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:25

I agree with #1.

Reply

lolzRaptor | 1

#523799 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:45

It doesn't matter if it is fake or not, it is lame. Did you smell chicken after the call?
[another lame FML reference]

Reply

Snip3r_Kitty | 0

#523915 - Saturday 29 August 2009 11:17

YDI for killing puppies.

Reply

timtam24 | 0

#523925 - Saturday 29 August 2009 11:27

you know it's not a one way street hun

Reply

the_stereotype | 0

#524160 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:40

I'm with 37, YDI for not calling someone yourself.

Reply

missmollylynn | 0

#585242 - Friday 25 September 2009 4:44

i agree with the phone works both ways, and that this isn't FML worthy, but how the hell is this a fake? it's pretty much "FML because I'm that pathetic and lonely i with the prank call would call back because i have no one else to talk to." someone, please, explain how someone being pathetic is a fake.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#943729 - Saturday 13 March 2010 23:04

yeah op I'm a loner to!!

By Chidge | 0

#523708 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

YDI

Reply

StingMunFizzy | 0

#524601 - Saturday 29 August 2009 20:59

You can talk to me ;)

By shoshizzle | 0

#523710 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

Aww. :(

By ThatDopeKid | 0

#523711 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

ouch, that sucks

By FMLable | 0

#523712 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

desperate?

By ilLeopardo | 0

#523719 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:09

That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.

By Tobe_fml | 0

#523720 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:10

FIRST!!!!!

By shootingstar8D | 0

#523726 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:11

Stop being a wussy and call someone yourself, foo

By Stupidpoorpeople | 0

#523727 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:11

Then go do something about it instead of posting on fml and wasting everyones time.

By moonlight_daze | 8

#523736 - Saturday 29 August 2009 9:14

Try calling someone yourself?