Highlight of the week

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML

The economy blows

Today, I left my old job and started my new one, which came with a hefty pay raise and better benefits. Previously, I was a lab analyst performing research, which required a college degree and several years of work experience. Now, I'm a gas station manager. FML

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML