By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1170

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Whatthefuckaburger

Abuse

Headache

By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22756

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1730

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By singingintherain - 1/7/2017 20:00

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5790

You deserved it

668

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By Will - 15/12/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27818

You deserved it

5041

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33970

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2345

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By GROSS - 7/3/2015 15:58 - Bangladesh

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30406

You deserved it

2508

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2011 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35035

You deserved it

8137

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By nazirah4shizzle - 15/5/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39149

You deserved it

3451

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 23:00 - United States - Kennett Square

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21299

You deserved it

1252

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By horny and alone - 4/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2568

You deserved it

367

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2012 19:19 - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33316

You deserved it

3513

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By Wtf - 29/4/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45195

You deserved it

3003

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 20:03

Tidy your room

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

358

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By nodullmoment - 26/4/2013 03:01 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55989

You deserved it

3168

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By screamo - 2/5/2009 20:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21795

You deserved it

46682

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By mpetitto - 15/8/2016 00:44 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I received an "I miss you" text from my ex of 4 months, who I still love dearly and would give anything to get back together with. Yesterday, I slept with his best friend, convinced I'd never hear from my ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9635

You deserved it

18379

Favorite

By Deadbed - 4/5/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1723

You deserved it

573

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By Freelman - 6/5/2015 14:34 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12190

You deserved it

44142

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2019 04:00

Burden

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1096

You deserved it

743

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45760

You deserved it

3179

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By funnygirl018 - 28/5/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48595

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5599

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2019 02:00

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1496

You deserved it

206

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By FreshFaced - 12/6/2011 11:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40873

You deserved it

8022

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By BeatByA9yrold - 12/4/2014 19:59 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46579

You deserved it

4655

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By idonteven - 12/8/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49907

You deserved it

4447

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By cantfallbackasleep - 22/10/2015 14:05 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23596

You deserved it

5322

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By harry - 4/12/2009 05:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42869

You deserved it

5185

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By Loopylogo - 10/1/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6556

You deserved it

509

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 17:01

Seagull on wheels

Today, I found out the hard way what it feels like to have a seagull poo on your face while cycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1295

You deserved it

123

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By onefmlafteranother - 15/11/2019 01:00

Vicious dog

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

528

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30306

You deserved it

2823

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2015 22:50 - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26732

You deserved it

1777

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By Marie - 27/7/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37138

You deserved it

5124

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By mel - 25/3/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24263

You deserved it

5226

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By nick - 12/1/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35765

You deserved it

2713

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By fuckendog - 25/7/2014 06:05 - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21201

You deserved it

55533

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By Noname - 28/1/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29642

You deserved it

2617

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46547

You deserved it

7083

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By Boo - 8/8/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

120

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By sillydoggy - 9/9/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41093

You deserved it

9636

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By [SiMON] - 6/1/2009 09:51 - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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23982

You deserved it

2805

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7925769 - Sunday 26 July 2020 23:42

So that implies you have a job? I'm sure lots of people feel terrible for you.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7925769 - Sunday 26 July 2020 23:42

So that implies you have a job? I'm sure lots of people feel terrible for you.