Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 39
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
kittie77 10
Hahaha good choice OP, you're better than that! ;)
how_to_implode 17
Looks like he failed his.
classiceagle63 16
Atleast he didn't blow you away with the boring details of his job.
sk3p71k 13
Its dick blisters like this that give guys a bad rap. We're not all like that, honestly
CUrraNT 11
He sounds like an aspiring dentist!
Ugleh 7
Time to try that line out for myself
catsgo8 7
Maybe he wanted you to take an oral exam? You will never know, now.
bellydancer82 15
You mean EX... Oh, wait, no you're already ahead of me. Gold star for being an intelligent OP! :)
howdoilogin 9
Why not try his test? What's the worst that could happen, you just wait for another guy to have sex later?
kingdomgirl94 29
Cause if you're gonna have sexual interactions anyways, why not have them with every guy? Great logic there. There's this thing called self respect where you choose who to do what with. Even if OP gave bjs to every other guy she's ever been with, he has no right to EXPECT it from her. If someone treats you like a sex toy and talks to you like you're worthless, you have every right to kick their ass to the curb, regardless of sexual history or what you may do in the future.
frizz101 22
Along with what #80 said, there are STD's and having sexual interactions with every person you date is a great way to catch'em all!
RoyAlTee 11
im going to use that one time just to see the reaction I get.