Love: Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam,...

By peteto818 - 18/12/2014 17:59 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 5 385

Love

Compromises

You tried

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 991

You deserved it 4 674

Excuse you?

By done - 07/08/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 184

By hannah - 15/09/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 7 552

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 896

You deserved it 16 104

By Seriously? - 15/05/2013 21:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 315

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 58 915

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 056

You deserved it 3 758

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 09:46 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 224

You deserved it 7 743

By crazydaughter - 12/04/2012 12:51 - Egypt

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 3 255

By badhairday - 21/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 956

You deserved it 362

By thetallone - 23/02/2010 08:05 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 547

You deserved it 2 674

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 2 561

By rachelllynne - 09/05/2013 17:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 771

You deserved it 3 132

Bye bye Bambi

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 19:59

Today, I hit two deer at the same time on my way to work around 50 mph. They jumped out of the bushes last minute, leaving me zero time to react. I waited a full year to get this truck, shopped around to get what I wanted, and it's my "dream truck". I've only had it for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 104

By pissedexworker - 18/12/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 907

You deserved it 2 403

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 816

You deserved it 30 018

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 731

You deserved it 18 664

By angry girlfriend - 22/05/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 616

You deserved it 3 585

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 138

You deserved it 4 035

By dudeyouarefired - 20/12/2012 08:16

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 654

You deserved it 4 748

By Anonymous - 11/07/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 976

You deserved it 31 789

By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 3 140

By rani - 02/02/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 129

You deserved it 5 536

Feeling faint

By jacey - 12/06/2021 02:01

Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 68

By foodsicknessinATL - 24/11/2016 00:08 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I spent the busiest travel day of the year in the busiest airport in the world trapped between the decision to leave the terminal bathroom or shit my pants. Yes, I missed my flight. Sorry, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 466

You deserved it 916

By Happy Employee - 31/08/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 230

You deserved it 2 696

By linzl00 - 06/12/2013 12:21 - United States - Springfield

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 077

You deserved it 3 633

You ain't seen me, right

By Blueberry - 17/09/2012 02:00 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 123

You deserved it 2 398

Annoyed

By sparkle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 261

You deserved it 5 900

By nerdsgetmehot - 07/04/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 737

You deserved it 5 842

By Bechara - 13/06/2011 09:11 - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 476

You deserved it 4 502

By Renna303 - 18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 737

You deserved it 527

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 77

By no love - 01/01/2016 22:41 - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 332

You deserved it 3 304

Be careful what you post on the Internet…

By Anonymous - 26/06/2019 06:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, my 10-year-old son's friend googled his name and found breastfeeding pictures that I had put on a personal website when he was 2 days old. Now he gets laughed at, and his friends all saw pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 3 623

By birthday bash - 04/01/2010 02:38 - France

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I am that loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 630

You deserved it 5 077

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 131

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 308

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 886

You deserved it 44 776

By stepknee - 14/10/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 519

You deserved it 2 158

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Top comments

your_ma 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

"Of course I didn't fail on purpose babe. Let's go have sex right now." Problem solved..?

Rawrshi 25

Friday 19 December 2014 0:35

When in doubt: strip naked and give blowjobs.

MELKOZAR 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:33

Well he shouldn't be a dick. Don't give him sex!

tzemmy 25

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:37

I don't think that would solve anything for OP.

Duckzy 16

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Friday 19 December 2014 3:21

If anything make the problem worse...

cjwayy 22

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Friday 19 December 2014 4:33

Oh totally because sex is a reward system

doctorhook86 24

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Friday 19 December 2014 14:42

#31: I don't know why, but right now you're at -11, so I upvoted you. It's pretty obvious you meant your comment sarcastically, and you're totally right. Protip for those playing at home: sex is not currency. Trading sex is a bad precedent for any relationship.

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Saturday 20 December 2014 4:41

#45 Unless you're breaking up anyway and have something that belongs to the other. Then sex is perfectly acceptable currency.

your_ma 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

"Of course I didn't fail on purpose babe. Let's go have sex right now." Problem solved..?

your_ma 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 2:11

Seems like a whole lot of effort. Normal people in normal relationships shouldn't have to trick their partner into sex. If you do then something is very wrong and unhealthy in the relationship.

Welshite 39

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:34

Offer an oral exam in exchange. You should be able to pass that with no problem. ;)

RenoTheRhino 30

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:39

Hopefully her boyfriend won't be too anal about the exam he gives her, and she can get redemption.

Rawrshi 25

Friday 19 December 2014 0:35

When in doubt: strip naked and give blowjobs.

emile_heskey 11

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Friday 19 December 2014 2:00

I wish more girls were like you

BlindlyWandering 17

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Friday 19 December 2014 2:59

I was about to say the same thing.

Kielnmsoftly 26

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Friday 19 December 2014 8:57

I was 69th like.....must be a sign!

doctorhook86 24

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Friday 19 December 2014 14:45

#5: I like your advice, and hope many people take it to heart.

ChristinePi 36

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Friday 19 December 2014 21:43

But what about her?

Rawrshi 25

Friday 19 December 2014 21:53

Meaning her enjoyment? I very much enjoy giving my partner a blowjob and being nude so there is a lot in it for me and I happily would do so whenever he asked. It's possible OP does too. Otherwise, blowjob can be used as a term for oral sex for vaginas too. Either way, blowjobs are super great. Could always just do other things if that's not their thing too. I'm just saying in my case, that's what I'd do. (:

trellz17 19

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:37

That's his fault then.

flufee2 27

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:42

I dont think anyone would risk failing an exam lol

NebulaNick 12

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:42

You just had to fail didn't you.

greatfirstdate 18

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Friday 19 December 2014 0:45

Well, that's easy to disprove...next time you're in the mood, make it clear that you want it. Well, it wouldn't be disproven if that time is more than a month from now.