Miscellaneous: Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 94

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 40

22/03/2014 23:07

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 635

You deserved it 13 211

Stop talking!

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Triage

14/03/2010 10:21

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 174

You deserved it 13 451

24/05/2011 07:31

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 368

You deserved it 3 455

Small world

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - 30/04/2016 11:49

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my roommate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 173

You deserved it 2 385

23/07/2011 00:57

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 999

03/10/2011 06:08

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 407

You deserved it 3 261

23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 921

13/06/2014 20:17

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 708

You deserved it 5 788

29/03/2014 17:03

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 419

You deserved it 7 273

23/08/2012 06:15

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 539

You deserved it 14 260

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 109

11/01/2016 17:21

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 354

You deserved it 1 859

26/06/2011 07:02

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 906

You deserved it 4 434

30/09/2010 15:07

Today, a cute girl sat down next to me on the bus. She looked up at me, and then moved to the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 495

You deserved it 3 933

17/03/2009 03:17

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 434

You deserved it 10 592

01/07/2015 18:56

Spicy

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 2 473

25/12/2010 04:59

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 4 337

22/05/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 192

12/10/2012 06:36

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 594

You deserved it 2 343

03/04/2011 07:02

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 356

You deserved it 58 810

19/05/2012 23:20

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 2 534

04/02/2013 12:17

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 761

You deserved it 3 669

10/10/2013 17:59

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 355

You deserved it 3 139

30/05/2011 04:29

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 027

You deserved it 52 327

10/08/2011 16:12

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 23 328

Good friends

By HelpStrandedOnShittyPlanet - 08/05/2021 20:08

Today, after I supported my friends through heartbreak, had long conversations at 4 a.m., stayed late at work to help through breakdowns, I finally broke after a series of bad experiences. I decided to reach out. All I got was, "lol that sucks", "Oh, would you believe the week I had" or simply no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 60

Got it

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:00

Today, my ex asked me if I would reconsider a future with him. I said, “Only if we can learn to communicate effectively." He said, “Good talk, this time you actually got through to me.” Then he ceased all communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 122

01/02/2013 22:13

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 038

You deserved it 4 026

11/03/2011 00:51

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 575

You deserved it 21 821

31/03/2019 12:00

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 603

Can we be friends?

By lonely - 22/03/2021 05:01

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 155

The asshats always win

By Iabnysmwytm - 27/03/2021 16:30

Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 1 054

13/05/2013 14:39

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 528

You deserved it 3 121

26/02/2011 06:49

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 74 254

09/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 183

15/10/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 419

04/04/2015 10:16

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 245

You deserved it 3 431

06/10/2013 21:54

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 165

You deserved it 4 003

20/07/2012 21:38

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 890

You deserved it 45 399

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 225

24/02/2010 14:18

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 572

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Top comments

dakotahulsey 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:36

Now you can put it on and impress girls.

just16letters 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:37

Well you didn't specify where you wanted him to keep it..

Comments

dakotahulsey 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:36

Now you can put it on and impress girls.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 19:56

That would only work if op was a guy or was into girls.

dakotahulsey 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 21:22

Thank you for letting me know

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Monday 24 March 2014 4:41

Like Beavis and Butthead!

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:36

He shaved it just for you. (Save)

Tobber 16

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Sunday 23 March 2014 10:07

Wait, you meant 's(h)aved'? :D ... No, still not funny

glabberfasted 16

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Sunday 23 March 2014 10:46

He Sean Connery shaved it

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Sunday 23 March 2014 15:14

You guys aren't funny...

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Sunday 23 March 2014 22:28

I like how this entire string of comments all have a large number of negative ratings

JaneChemi_fml 21

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Monday 24 March 2014 12:33

my turn :D

just16letters 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:37

Well you didn't specify where you wanted him to keep it..

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:39

Must've been a hairy situation.

PotterHead_DH 26

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Sunday 23 March 2014 13:18

No.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 19:37

I still don't know why this got x such negative votes. I loved it. I laughed way to long at this actually.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 19:56

I'm sorry. I'm new to this app and did not realize it would get so many down votes.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 19:58

People must not like puns lol.

mad_hatter0666 22

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Sunday 23 March 2014 20:09

Nah...we don't mind puns, it's just that one has been really over used here.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 21:04

Puns are supposed to be creative and funny. This was obvious and overused.

patchesOhoolihan 12

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Sunday 23 March 2014 22:46

People on iFunny love puns, FML users, not so much. Especiall all the overused "situation" ones

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:39

Your dad is a legend.

GEBEH 14

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:39

Maybe he took it a little too literal.. hopefully he has a great sense of humour and didn't actually think you wanted his beard in a jar!

OptimusVader 23

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Sunday 23 March 2014 14:41

I'm pretty sure his sense of humor is the reason why he put it in a jar in the first place.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:40

Why would you want him to keep it?

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:41

Maybe he just had a special bond to his dad's beard.

SmuggletheBudgie 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 13:36

Or maybe because if your dad doesnt have a beard you have two mums.

OptimusVader 23

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Sunday 23 March 2014 14:44

Or maybe it's like with my dad where you've only ever seen him with a beard and couldn't imagine him without it. My dad shaved his beard only once before and I thought there was a stranger sleeping on my living room couch when I got home that night. Weirdest situation ever.

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:41

Guess he wasn't clear about what you meant...

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:47

#9 Just like how OP wasn't clear what he meant in the FML

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Monday 24 March 2014 21:50

#13- No, OP was pretty clear about it...

Ashamed_Sister 60

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:42

Now you can glue it to yourself ... wherever you need hair.

Stryker78cRS 15

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Sunday 23 March 2014 16:43

WHEREVER you need hair... LOL

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Sunday 23 March 2014 9:43

Sounds more like an FML for him. "Today, my [son/daughter] told me [he/she] wanted me to keep my beard. So I shaved it off and put it in a jar in [his/her] room. [He/she] is now afraid to come near me. FML"