Love: Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 0

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 708

19/11/2011 19:08

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 6 436

Love

Taking stock

Good kid

Let it all out

30/06/2011 08:18

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 286

You deserved it 3 591

21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 995

Big up retail workers

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 14:00

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 115

Extreme makeover

By skunk head - 22/07/2020 05:01

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 217

22/10/2009 13:11

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 995

You deserved it 3 278

02/03/2009 21:26

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 591

You deserved it 11 339

12/01/2017 20:00

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 446

You deserved it 2 434

09/01/2012 18:53

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 4 340

10/08/2015 17:04

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 858

You deserved it 6 049

08/05/2013 06:59

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 545

You deserved it 12 411

30/04/2016 20:33

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 363

You deserved it 2 941

24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 319

15/07/2019 16:00

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 171

13/07/2012 17:08

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 3 412

14/08/2010 23:23

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 079

You deserved it 3 037

07/02/2010 14:21

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 995

You deserved it 9 042

13/01/2016 18:30

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 767

You deserved it 6 986

17/05/2019 01:00

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 119

20/10/2012 15:10

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 858

You deserved it 1 726

Quickfire round

By Driri - 31/07/2021 08:00

Today, I had a panel job interview with 3 people. My nerves got the best of me, especially when they asked me about my weaknesses. I gave them an answer, but they kept bombarding me with additional follow-up questions that I couldn’t think of the answers to. It got so bad, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 101

20/12/2016 03:15

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 487

You deserved it 768

08/08/2010 01:05

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 854

You deserved it 18 989

06/10/2012 22:58

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 640

You deserved it 2 196

Revenge strikes again

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 20:01

Today, we inherited a house from my grandma in a homeowners association. My husband told the HOA president he's looking forward to defying the rules and annoying the rich snobs on this street who made grandma miserable by complaining about the state of her house while she was dying. FUCK THEM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 127

24/01/2013 21:25

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 165

You deserved it 3 222

09/09/2010 07:48

Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 961

You deserved it 3 731

17/12/2013 01:50

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 708

You deserved it 4 314

Thief

By Mommabear - 15/06/2018 01:30

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 228

04/01/2010 15:49

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 218

You deserved it 7 864

18/03/2010 04:02

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 18 878

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 20:00

Today, my truck got towed after being parked for ten minutes, even though wasn't in a no parking area. Now I have to pay 500 dollars to get it out of impound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 92

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 147

22/09/2018 05:30

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 207

10/12/2018 09:30

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 329

19/08/2019 16:00

Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 331

26/04/2013 22:03

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 148

You deserved it 3 402

13/03/2010 05:16

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 606

You deserved it 41 875

11/04/2012 07:34

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 783

You deserved it 2 834

23/10/2009 19:13

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 566

You deserved it 11 770

OK Stephanie, whatever

By yankeebelle - 06/03/2009 00:15

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 688

You deserved it 3 496

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Top comments

Damn_Hippster 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

Pelt him back with your shit!

elephantom12 9

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:55

Few seconds late for that one buddy, now it's time we pelt you with thumbs downs.

Comments

MwahFMLS 6

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:34

Whoops

cruxx 0

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

I want snow..

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

Whoops? Really?

MwahFMLS 6

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

I read that wrong, My apologies.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:37

Griffinnn.

tswift89 2

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:38

Youre the worst kind of commenter because you want to be first so bad that you don't even make any sense

skinthesnakes 6

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:40

He snowed you.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:43

Mort, he apologized. @22

yuggi1 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:34

Happy snowing!!!

Philliesfan9391 3

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:39

Tis' the season to be jolly...

tellithowitis 13

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:49

FALalalala la la la la

elephantom12 9

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:06

Dawn we now our GAAAAY apparel...

jon120ukfan 2

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:10

Gotta love America.. F*** yeah!!

H3YG1RL 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:51

Or maybe "Happy-Dumping-Him-Head-First into-a-Snow-Pile!"?

cinamonkoko 15

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:14

or happy sleeping in the snow tonight?

tellithowitis 13

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:17

Or happy just shut up everyone you fail

natashax21 5

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:26

74- You have no Christmas spirit :'(

22cute 17

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Sunday 20 November 2011 2:07

Lol that's a fun & funny way to play. You guys must have a sweet relationship. Congrats!

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Sunday 20 November 2011 2:43

Don't eat the yellow snow?

AshleighNason 24

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Sunday 20 November 2011 5:05

you fail

enonymous 8

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Sunday 20 November 2011 7:32

This is how the Civil War started.... Lee didn't know what hit him

Rinat_fml 26

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Sunday 20 November 2011 13:08

Lock the door next time? jeez

steve247 2

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:34

'Tis the season!

SkoomaKi 27

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:37

To be jolly! xD

Damn_Hippster 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:42

Fe le la la la - le la la la!!

jillianmathers12 13

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:59

Fa la la la la la la la?

KiddNYC1O 20

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:02

Fele?!

cudi504 4

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:08

But what about thanksgiving?

CrizzyCream 1

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Sunday 20 November 2011 4:11

To be jolly Deck the bathrooms wit tons of snowballys falalallalalala.....la:)

madelinebriana 11

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Sunday 20 November 2011 19:09

'tis november and 108 your profile picture is gawgeous

lkalili 7

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Monday 21 November 2011 6:15

I was gonna say that!!

Damn_Hippster 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

Pelt him back with your shit!

thisisafunnyname 12

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:53

GIRLS DON'T POOP, SILLY!!!!

KatyB_fml 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:54

Um gross?

hollyau17 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:21

What a crappy situation!

cupcakesnpot 9

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:55

No 68, this comment = awesome!

cjguthrie 8

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:43

Nahh that's nasty

JenDanielle917 13

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:50

Your face is nasty. *crawls back under rock before being forever pelted with harsh comments by the FML family*

thisisafunnyname 12

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:51

118, pelted by snowballs and shit, not harsh comments

ceepevoy 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 4:51

Girls do too poop!! how else do you wanna explain two girls one cup?

wlfmanjack 5

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Sunday 20 November 2011 6:42

ha ha a Cleveland reference that's awesome

Rickilynn1 10

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Sunday 20 November 2011 8:53

75- you punny person, you!

IKickPuppiesHard 16

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

You should have pelted him....with poop.

elephantom12 9

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:55

Few seconds late for that one buddy, now it's time we pelt you with thumbs downs.

tellithowitis 13

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:07

Thats harsh...... I LIKE IT!

bryannab1 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:29

Both posts are at the same time so they are just unlucky.

ilovebigtimerush 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:02

49- they were posted at the same time. No need for you, smart ass.

nava1210 12

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Sunday 20 November 2011 4:27

49 is still right though, he was a few seconds too late so no need for you..GET OUT!

Manganimegrl 16

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Sunday 20 November 2011 4:56

105- "smart ass" is one word, smartass.

Thabb 0

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Sunday 20 November 2011 6:10

132- asshole is one word, asshole

thaCODgod 4

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Sunday 20 November 2011 8:13

75 is a failure

DFlit1 0

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:35

Nows the perfect time to go make a yellow snowball

Blackmail111 9

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:54

Or a brown one

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:59

6- is that a G36C? In ur pic

mk58 31

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:05

Or a green one...

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:11

54- thxs for a smartass remark and what makes u think I have CoD? What if ik the gun??

Zomg_Okay 26

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Sunday 20 November 2011 0:56

I'm confused, 54. Are you saying it isn't a G36c? It certainly looks like one. *Shrug* Anyway, just because someone knows or pretends to know something about firearms doesn't make them a CoD gamer... I know a bit about firearms and the like but I don't play CoD. I'm just interested in that kind of thing.

fromthesuck 8

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:05

All of your arguments are moot. All he did was ask for Christ's sake. And it doesn't have to be one way or the other. I've shot with German army AND I've play cod. There's no difference if he's just asking if it is.

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Sunday 20 November 2011 1:52

It is a G36c. #54, you're a dick. Just because someone recognized a weapon and asked what it was doesn't mean you can assume they play Modern Warfare 1 or 3. You have the mentality of a youtube commenter who are assholes to people who recognize weapons from games. Please don't be an asshole.