By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
I agree, your life sucks 6 974
You deserved it 79 342

Same thing different taste

Top comments

You deserve it just for saying "my sucker of a wife."

feldco1 17

Serves you right; you sound like a dick.


You deserve it just for saying "my sucker of a wife."

100% agreed. I hope your wife reads this and kicks your sorry ass! Wow, just wow... Doing the dishes? What are you? A 2 year old?

Under top comments it says: "YDI just for "my sucker of a wife." But under the comments it says: "You deserve it just for saying "my sucker of a wife." I can't figure it out & it's turning into a slight obsession

the_smart_way 10

She really must be a sucker for marrying op

#27: I edited it slightly after I originally submitted it. No worries, there aren't any great mysteries at work here. :)

X_Codes 11

@31 - Well, if you edited it then they should both be edited, yeah? On the other hand, I have no sympathy for any misfortune that would befall OP. Taking pride in petty lies and such gives men a bad name.

I doubt she was hopping on his balls about it if she let him just because he had a cold either. I mean a cold? Seriously? Washing dishes isn't exactly the most strenuous activity.

No 87 it's not that difficult a chore, but I prefer my dishes washed by someone who's not sick. When my boyfriend gets sick I wash the dishes, and when I get sick he does me the same courtesy. OP is definitely a pathetic husband. Marriage is a partnership, tricking someone into doing your share is low.

Dusty_Busters 15

No way! If the man says his wife is a ball riding sucker then that's what she is! Haha jk

#87 - I bet it wasn't an ordinary cold. It was a man-cold. You know, the one of the kind that when it happens, the world is very nearly coming to an end and everybody must leave everything and take care of the poor man, and obviously not make him do anything that makes him uncomfortable, because he SUFFERS. And I mean SUFFERS, not just suffers. Now, I'm not saying that all the men use their sicknesses like that; but from the sound of what OP wrote in his post...

Drnightingale 4

119, if a women comes down with anything a man is supposed to take care of her, and whatever she has is the worst possible thing in all of history and she has the right to give the guy who is trying to help hell over it. Now, don't get my wrong, what op did was a horrible thing. However, you cant just go and say what you said without stating what happens on the other side. It's not just men that do that, its women too; especially when talking about a women being on her period.

Many women do not have "normal" textbook periods; this is a fact that men seem to conveniently forget or not be aware of. There are many chronic diseases and other complications which can make periods extremely harmful or uncomfortable to an unbelievable extent. People can develop cysts, simply not stop bleeding and start fainting and having seizures from the blood loss, have migraines and have such bad contractions that hospitalisation is required. PCOS, migraines, endometriosis and adenomyosis, as well as ovarian, uterine and cervical cancer together affect a huge percentage of women and these are women who do not have "normal" periods. Grow up, 127; not everything is as simple to your mind as it might seem.

I ******* wash my family's dishes after every meal and every night, and although I don't enjoy it, I wouldn't pretend to get sick to avoid doing them. The author of this FML is pathetic.

So Drnightingale: People with ovaries get extra sympathy for periods because their entire body is causing a massive overreaction to prevent dangerous kinds of pregnancy--they're flooded with hormones that do all sorts of things to them. As a dude with ovaries, it would be a problem even WITHOUT disorders, and when you throw those in it gets to places like 'can't walk or sleep because of uterus contractions' and 'triggers underlying mental health conditions'. Everything from the brain to the immune system is affected. A lot of people can go about their lives, but if someone can't, there's a reason we give them sympathy.

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KooLDooD121 0

Why lie in the first place? He should be helping out his wife in the first place.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Not lying at all would be a better solution.

spekledworf 18

Do men think chores are lethal or something? It's strange how much some guys dread them!

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No, he should have manned up and helped his wife with the dishes instead of being a baby about it.

feldco1 17

Serves you right; you sound like a dick.

People like this make me wish you could hit ydi multiple times.

BunchieRules 31

59 - Luckily for us, FML allows us to vote with or without an account separately. Essentially, you can vote twice.

Hopefully she's not a "sucker" of his dick because he doesn't deserve that!

KooLDooD121 0

Your wife must be a strong woman to be able to deal with your lazy and lying ways.

maimengming 10

I'm sorry, but I have to point this out. It's a pet peeve of mine. This is the wrong definition of karma. If karma is real, it would have to do with dharma, or fulfilling your duty in life. If you do your dharma, you go up a caste. If you don't, you go down. That's how we have the untouchables. They are the lowest caste. This is taken very seriously in Hinduism. Like I said, sorry. It's just been bothering me.

All 6 means is what goes around comes around

maimengming 10

I understand that. I don't mean to come off as offensive or anything, but karma would be the wrong term for that. Karma wouldn't even come around in this life. Like I said, it's just a pet peeve. I don't mean to be rude, if that's how people are reading it.

53- as far as i know Hindus were classified mainly as BRAHMANS associated with doing temple works and considered close to god. KSHATRIYAS as those who take place in battles and wars considered as the brave hearted people. VAISHYA those who are involved in rich businesses. SHUDRAS skilled workers like goldsmith, locksmith... UNTOUCHABLES they classified people as untouchables since the Hindus needed someone to do the dirty job for them right from picking up shit and such stuffs, who weren't allowed in temples and other rich gatherings. And now with so many constitutional reforms and benefits given to them, they've risen up and are so stable that they even misuse their reservations. I feel they were classified on their birth and their work; Everyone does karma and dharma.

Yes, but karma IS a Hindu principle. Everyone may "use" it because it has become a pop culture reference, but it really is a major aspect of the Hindu faith, not some ideology for teenagers to justify action.

This just took me back to World Religion 101 and I don't like it.

I may be wrong, but I thought "dharma" was the teachings of the faith, not just fulfilling life's duties? Perhaps that has more to do with Buddhism.

thelindseyyy 4

Now once you have a real cold, your wife isn't going to believe you and will probably show you no mercy with those dishes. Karma!

You fake a cold just to avoid washing dishes? Seriously? That's just pathetic.

Why do I get the feeling the wife knew he was being a lying ass from the get-go? I mean, it's just a cold. All you have to do is stand (or sit) there with a sponge and a dish-towel. It's not exactly a strenuous task that a cold would prevent you from doing.

pheebs314 17

I typically don't want someone sick washing my dishes because I want to avoid catching whatever they have...

Eh. Chances are, if you live with the person you'll probably end up getting their cold anyway. So it doesn't really matter if the OP is in bed or at the kitchen sink (though at least the latter ends with the dishes being washed. lol)

You're what I like to call a "Double Idiot". First, for scamming your wife over something as simple as doing the dishes. Second, for believing that going out in the cold rain actually gives you a cold. Idiot.

Little do you know, there is a second part to the FML. "Today, I avoided having to take out the trash by faking a cold."

zingline89 18

I don't think he's saying going out in the cold gave him a cold. I think he's saying he feels a cold coming on which makes the prospect of going outside in the cold all the more dreadful. I suppose it depends how you interpret what he's saying.

It bothers me when people think cold or rain makes you sick. My mom always chastises me when I turn the air in my house down or leave my fan on because I'll get everyone, or myself, sick. I keep reminding her that hospitals are cold because it slows down bacteria, not create viruses, and that no one would get better in a hospital if that were the case.

I read it as meaning he feels a cold coming on again so he can get out of taking out the garbage. Any way you read it, the guy is a little bitch. If it was my sister he was married to and pulling that crap, I'd take him out. OP, it's ****** like you that make a lot of women hate our gender. You might get away with this behavior for a little while but your wife is going to eventually put up with one lie too many and you're gonna wake up one morning to find yourself alone wondering what the hell happened I sure hope that day comes soon, for your wife's sake. Ya little pussy bitch.

This irritates me too. It gets above thirty degrees Celsius here and my fiancé is convinced that having a fan or aircon on will give him a cold. Meanwhile, my nail polish melted its that damn hot.

Wait, if getting sick because it is cold doesn't make you sick, how come every time I go out here in Sweden where it is really cold and snowing I get a cold?

Obvious douche detected, you don't have to do all the chores but if you don't do them your wife will have to so grow up and be the man of the house FFS