By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 11:01

Bad day?

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

815

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

The smell detective is on the case

Gas giant

Jonah begs to differ

By TKDConnor92 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31582

You deserved it

6694

Tweet

Share

By RB84

Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5607

You deserved it

608

Tweet

Share

By Ep1cF4ce - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

3408

Tweet

Share

By -1 friend - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55209

You deserved it

14635

Tweet

Share

By themcdave - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25500

You deserved it

4519

Tweet

Share

By Thomas - United States

Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35494

You deserved it

2983

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23951

You deserved it

2125

Tweet

Share

By Claire.L - 10/5/2020 20:00

Catch 22

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By lebowski - United States

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8756

You deserved it

41453

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26983

You deserved it

3506

Tweet

Share

By soontobesingle - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

I agree, your life sucks

62308

You deserved it

4302

Tweet

Share

By nowhereman1990 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47067

You deserved it

4072

Tweet

Share

By Shameful - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35744

You deserved it

3766

Tweet

Share

By Jim

Today, I dropped my car off at the dealership for a bumper replacement due to a hit and run in a parking lot. After being told it was ready, their shuttle picked me up, and backed up into my just-replaced bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4470

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By KillMeNow - United States

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

105059

You deserved it

12081

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12326

You deserved it

20561

Tweet

Share

By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36631

You deserved it

3337

Tweet

Share

By deadandwasted - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34457

You deserved it

2432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32220

You deserved it

7194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26300

You deserved it

1572

Tweet

Share

By Samson - United States

Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31938

You deserved it

3709

Tweet

Share

By Topher - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30919

You deserved it

6166

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42761

You deserved it

4979

Tweet

Share

By Mygawdwhy

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4074

You deserved it

1952

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30506

You deserved it

3146

Tweet

Share

By Zuzubat - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40103

You deserved it

2555

Tweet

Share

By musicaddict - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77218

You deserved it

24150

Tweet

Share

By xRyu - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35141

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By Toothy. - Australia

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54920

You deserved it

2911

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31004

You deserved it

2478

Tweet

Share

By Ihatemyfamily - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14299

You deserved it

1321

Tweet

Share

By crap - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11835

You deserved it

44774

Tweet

Share

By Novocain - Australia

Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51390

You deserved it

5355

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29540

You deserved it

6885

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13225

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1377

Tweet

Share

By ima nerd - United States

Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33204

You deserved it

5832

Tweet

Share

By reyoflight - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60296

You deserved it

7380

Tweet

Share

By ip7 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16922

You deserved it

21019

Tweet

Share

By daddyowl - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25854

You deserved it

2987

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44672

You deserved it

5988

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7972017 - Tuesday 16 February 2021 14:35

How do drugs and/or alcohol figure into this?

By rainbowdonnareed | 15

#7972074 - Tuesday 16 February 2021 19:32

Okay so you're a klutz.
I was on your side till I saw you put your laptop on the toaster.
There's so many people trying for the Darwin Awards

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7972017 - Tuesday 16 February 2021 14:35

How do drugs and/or alcohol figure into this?

By rainbowdonnareed | 15

#7972074 - Tuesday 16 February 2021 19:32

Okay so you're a klutz.
I was on your side till I saw you put your laptop on the toaster.
There's so many people trying for the Darwin Awards

By peterblack67 | 9

#7972085 - Tuesday 16 February 2021 20:06

You really don't seem that upset that your ex died. You seem more upset about the juice.