Love: Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 282

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 123

17/09/2009 09:23

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 146

You deserved it 5 534

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Late term

30/09/2013 21:59

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 3 812

15/06/2010 07:11

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 785

You deserved it 15 839

04/10/2016 14:43

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 353

You deserved it 1 281

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 122

Running late

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 23:01

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 189

14/04/2012 06:27

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 3 101

30/11/2012 07:30

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 001

You deserved it 1 762

06/05/2016 11:34

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 174

You deserved it 1 699

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 604

You deserved it 18 006

13/10/2018 11:30

Today, my cat peed on my long-term project so I had to stay up until 4 am doing the whole thing again... just for it to fall in the train tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 277

The Trifecta

By AkaiKitsune - 27/08/2017 04:30

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 065

You deserved it 252

Prejudice

By EpicOracle - 20/09/2021 10:00

Today, I found out that even when I have written and submitted freelance work, the client can refuse to pay and it'd be acknowledged because I'm from Nigeria. Also, they can still use my work. I guess the "Nigerian Prince" issue is affecting even the innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 75

15/08/2012 00:12

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 067

You deserved it 2 891

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 152

21/03/2016 20:12

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 092

You deserved it 1 614

18/08/2015 07:07

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 662

You deserved it 6 797

12/12/2012 05:29

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 440

You deserved it 3 172

11/11/2009 05:16

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 463

You deserved it 3 426

21/05/2012 05:56

Spicy

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 654

You deserved it 7 771

07/06/2009 02:25

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 127

You deserved it 3 420

03/08/2009 06:06

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 983

You deserved it 45 815

24/11/2009 01:47

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 745

You deserved it 43 004

So you had a bad day…

By That guy - 15/10/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 103

Take your time

By Kitty - 08/08/2021 09:59

Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 736

FREEDOM

By Idontlikefireworks2 - 07/07/2018 19:00

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 220

You deserved it 251

18/12/2009 22:14

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 428

You deserved it 32 888

22/02/2013 01:21

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 171

You deserved it 3 522

26/03/2014 03:53

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 994

You deserved it 6 227

10/07/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 13 742

24/10/2011 01:37

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 4 052

27/03/2011 17:55

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 295

You deserved it 4 187

30/07/2016 17:45

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 625

You deserved it 1 035

02/08/2018 21:00

Spicy

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 051

You deserved it 4 085

01/05/2011 05:50

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 629

You deserved it 4 452

12/04/2011 04:27

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 068

You deserved it 14 877

21/01/2009 23:15

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 895

You deserved it 38 626

14/07/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 843

You deserved it 1 188

14/01/2015 07:18

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 3 029

11/06/2012 12:01

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 3 566

06/09/2009 18:19

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 786

You deserved it 9 381

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:06

BURN!! for real, tho... that's kinda funny and all, but your friend is a big douche.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:13

How did the lad take it? Was he excited or creeped?

Comments

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:06

BURN!! for real, tho... that's kinda funny and all, but your friend is a big douche.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 18:30

In Soviet Russia, crushes follow you!

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Thursday 17 September 2009 18:50

I love your Russia comments

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Friday 18 September 2009 0:38

Really? They make me want to kill that guy...

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:13

How did the lad take it? Was he excited or creeped?

well_this_sucks 0

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Thursday 17 September 2009 21:11

im guessing creeped out.. otherwise why would this be on FML? hahaha

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:13

Well everyone will soon figure it out when you don't actually disappear to Aus anyway, so no big deal.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:18

YDI for sharing stories and feelings with your family and for not asking the boy out. CREEPER

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:24

sorry i meant friend

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Friday 18 September 2009 5:44

YDI for sharing friend and feelings with your family and for not asking the boy out ???

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:21

wahoo! Australiaaaaaaaaaa (Y) Hate to say it, but he'll love it here!

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Thursday 17 September 2009 17:06

Sure, if he loves thinly veiled intolerance of anything not christian and white he'll love it here.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 18:22

Because we all know there's NOTHING ELSE to enjoy in Australia. Douche bag.

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Friday 18 September 2009 5:15

Considering your profile says that you live in Australia, it interests me why you have such a negative view of Australia. Your bad experience is definitely uncommon, considering Australia is known for its multicultural community.

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Friday 18 September 2009 5:17

Opps.. Double Post

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Friday 18 September 2009 11:29

Just becuse Australia is a multicultural community doesn't mean they accept who lives there. Australian's are racist!

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Friday 18 September 2009 18:20

Ahah , we Aussies are nothing but racists! We only accept those of our own cultural background, which completely contradicts the idea of multicultralism. but, nevertheless, Australia is an amazing place to live. the weather is amazing, the landscape is beautiful & once you've found you're little niche and the place you belong in, then everything is perfectt. I'd suggest to anyone planning on moving to another country to move to Australia (Y)

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Friday 18 September 2009 22:31

Your comment doesn't exactly encourage people to go there...

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Saturday 19 September 2009 4:56

Mate I'm a white Aussie male from Melbourne. I don't follow any religion, 3 of my best mates are gay, sri lankan, and indian. Theres alot of people like me,

aussiegirlsydney 0

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Monday 21 September 2009 5:54

girl, you are out of wack!! I live in Sydney and go to school in the city, and my best friends are Indian, Sri Lankan, Chinese, Korean, Aussie... one is half Iranian. My boyfriend is half Lebanese and New-Zealander. Speak for yourself, you sound like one of the terrible racists that doesn't deserve the opportunities that this beautiful country has to offer. Grow up

m311 6

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Tuesday 26 October 2010 7:26

Iol Melbourne has the worst weather. nonetheless I love it here..

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Thursday 6 January 2011 7:48

I've heard rumors like "Austrailians hate Indians." I'm sure they are the same as the stereotypes about Americans, like we are all fat, idiot, George W Bush loving assholes. It is only true for a small percentage and is only well known because the media focuses on them. So don't listen to the stereotypes you here about Austrailians, they are probably mainly wrong aswell.

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Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:30

australia's pretty cool to live in just don't go to Tasmania and it's all good but we're far from racist our government gives them everything they could ever want and they still complain about us, Australian government needs to get in to gear and start treating them the same as they treat Aussie born Australians, especially the illegal immigrants

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:25

Um, so follow him. :)

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:28

ahaha

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:29

I Love Australia I'd Move

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:30

apparently the OP is a well known creeper if the rumour spread that quickly, and was actually believed.

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Friday 18 September 2009 0:26

Not really... S/He might as well be a hated lad (those that the whole school hates for stupid or unknown reasons)... Those guys get the largest piece of shit cake.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 16:32

You sound pathetic.