Miscellaneous: Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 478

You deserved it 5 297

Walk the line

Taking stock

Stop talking!

By Sir Vom-a-lot - 14/06/2012 16:28 - United Kingdom - West Drayton

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 580

You deserved it 6 569

By just-a-fat-cat - 03/05/2016 03:25 - United States - West Bend

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 439

You deserved it 4 620

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 162

You deserved it 78 464

By yamaha_313 - 11/08/2015 04:20 - United States - Wartburg

Spicy

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 592

You deserved it 2 198

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 2 189

By GavinHosler - 29/01/2009 21:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 33 686

By Guilpie - 29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 348

You deserved it 718

By oops - 18/05/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 261

You deserved it 18 101

By SickSmick - 09/02/2010 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 528

You deserved it 3 478

By pinkleopleurodon - 09/12/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 2 560

By zero_minded12 - 21/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 70 996

By flyingpuppy - 17/06/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 3 842

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 472

You deserved it 197

By Noname - 25/02/2009 22:06 - Canada

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 680

You deserved it 3 587

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 131

By thatsfine - 14/07/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 582

You deserved it 3 255

test light

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must have spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 1 203

Close Zoom, quick sharp

By Slow Down - 29/10/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I had a first date via video, due to Covid. It was the first time a girl had asked me out, and she seemed very enthusiastic. Until she started to worry me by throwing in the L-word about 10 minutes in, and talking about our wedding. I've never even met this person in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 114

Furry family

By crazy dog lady - 02/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 213

By atleastwedidntdie - 02/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 276

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 14:59 - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 3 218

By justgreatgirl - 11/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 245

You deserved it 13 466

By kidswithnomanners - 05/09/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 10 230

Inked

By Rubach - 13/06/2021 02:01

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my dad will die without knowing I have tattoos on my body. I'm afraid my dad will suffer a deadly heart attack due to the revelation, as he had two heart failures in the past. My dad is still the sort of person who thinks that people with tattoos are criminals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 309

Welcome!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 517

You deserved it 38 247

By nothing - 18/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 648

You deserved it 56 671

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 186

You deserved it 9 114

By Anonymous - 04/04/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 326

You deserved it 34 460

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 151

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - 11/07/2015 03:49 - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 835

You deserved it 2 825

By Jen_ - 26/01/2012 22:08 - France

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 428

You deserved it 3 007

By Anonymous - 16/05/2013 04:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 489

You deserved it 4 050

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 02:50 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 058

You deserved it 2 222

By ugly - 31/08/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 415

You deserved it 6 729

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 20:34 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 3 637

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 029

You deserved it 3 156

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 479

You deserved it 3 350

By lolilovemyboyfriend - 19/10/2011 14:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 825

You deserved it 18 497

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Top comments

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:47

They need to piss off

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:48

maybe your ego caused them to piss on your locker?

Comments

melissafleming 7

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:42

ha

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:47

They need to piss off

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:00

one up them, take a dump in your locker

sinking_fish 12

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:13

21- ...take one in his? Or theirs?

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:55

No need to escalate the situation. Simply say your locker has gonorrhea, and whoever stuck their penis inside should expect a bloody trip to the bathroom.

hellokaitty13 0

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 23:07

Hey it's better to be pissed off than pissed on

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Thursday 16 February 2012 3:15

I dig your sarcasm

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Thursday 16 February 2012 7:06

definitely.

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Friday 17 February 2012 0:57

21-That's kinda gross but they deserve it!!

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Thursday 20 March 2014 16:58

Better to be pissed on than pissed through >.>

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:47

Yeah, that definitely means you're popular. :)

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:51

Sarcasm.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:53

I actually know what sarcasm is, which is why I was using it.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:53

You don't say...

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:57

They do need a sarcasm font

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:57

^ That was for #10. I got ninja'd. Twice.

murdersquirrel 15

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:41

Sarcmark. It's real. Google it.

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Thursday 16 February 2012 4:33

Me and my friend jake are actually in the process of making a sarcastic font app for the apple and android market. It's still being designed so if you have any ideas for it reply to this or send me a message. We plan to call the app sarcastica. (yes I did accidentally post this comment instead of replying so that's why this is also comment 99)

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Sunday 19 February 2012 4:45

I think OP means he/she is suddenly popular because of the incident, #3...

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:48

maybe your ego caused them to piss on your locker?

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:06

He was claiming his territory. Establishing male dominance. And being a faggot

Civilianswilldie 0

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:34

Why was that comment moderated? There was nothing wrong with it. Smfh

Civilianswilldie 0

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:39

Fuck the system and I hope the moderator dies along with his peace of shit family

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:40

Hey moderator. I hope you burn to death. And you faggot mom.

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Thursday 16 February 2012 7:59

U meant "in" not ON your locker

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Friday 17 February 2012 10:34

I'm only human D': I'm bound to fuck up sooner or later I'm sorry I can't be perfect like you :'(

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Sunday 19 February 2012 0:15

Fuck you you look like a herpes infested justin bieber

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Saturday 17 March 2012 23:49

You mean 'you' not 'U'.

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Thursday 12 April 2012 2:52

Aww, Mr. MilkMan, døn't worry, the dude correcting yøu is just a hypocrite with nothing better to dø.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:49

Ladder? Naw. If you want something badly enough, it'll get done. Assassin's Creed style or not.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:08

They probably pissed in spray bottle or something like that....sounds like op is probably popular or is a huge nerd that everyone pics on...

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 23:39

Ninja pee

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 23:44

25- *picks

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Thursday 16 February 2012 4:22

If it is anything like the top lockers at most schools (all the schools I have been to) it is only about 4 ft or so off the floor. I could stand back and aim up a little and piss a locker full. My opinion is it wouldn't be too hard. But that is assuming it wasn't a female who peed in OPs locker.

freakinglaugher 10

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Thursday 16 February 2012 4:38

The vent holes for our lockers is about 6ft. I of course could reach that, and not because I'm tall. Ladies. *sniffles forever alone*

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Thursday 16 February 2012 5:41

You know you're a cocky asshole when you're profile pic is if your abs...

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Thursday 16 February 2012 6:04

OR I am not ashamed of my body. Are girls "cocky assholes" because the show cleavage? If I was fat and had a picture of me shirtless it wouldn't bother anyone, but I keep getting people like you who don't like that anyone is proud of anything. How about you enjoy the life you have and stop trying to bring people down that do? That'll make you more happy.

DKjazz 20

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Thursday 16 February 2012 6:09

25 & 79- *pisses

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Thursday 16 February 2012 6:15

That game is awesome hence my name

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Thursday 16 February 2012 7:06

Yes, 117. Girls who show off their cleavage are cocky. That's kind of a "duh" thing.

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Thursday 16 February 2012 7:15

Anyone could have done this with a cup. Problem solved.

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Saturday 25 February 2012 6:41

Yeah Buddy!

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Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:07

When its a close up of JUST abs or boobs, then yes, it is cocky. Be a little more subtle and not just "HEY LOOK GUIZ I WORK OUT"

heyyitscharley 6

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:50

Popularity sounds fun in ur school.

Feklfekl2222 32

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:55

You haven't figured out that pouting your lips makes you less attractive yet, have you?

FirstTigerHobbes 13

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:18

Are we making fun of someone? I wanna try! Hey 6! You're dumb! *runs away giggling*

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:31

34 - That's really uncalled for, whether it's true or not.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:46

BANG!!! Duck Hunting Season

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 21:27

lmfaooo WIN!

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:13

I don't know why this got so many dislikes. Y'all do know she was being sarcastic right?

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:27

It's probably a weird day for FML...

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:34

BANG!

yermomsanus08 0

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Thursday 16 February 2012 2:04

Too bad you wouldn't have any

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:51

The most important question is, are you male or female? Pissing in a locker from a ladder is a feat I'd pay to see performed by a female. For educational purposes, of course. I'm not a pervert. Really.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:06

"No, you're not."

sinking_fish 12

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 19:25

24- Was there a point to the quotations? Or..?

hueybuntfosho 4

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 23:42

He was quoting everyone who has said that phrase

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Thursday 16 February 2012 0:14

Di fucking tto

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Thursday 16 February 2012 2:59

Seems Legit

Buttsexpirate 9

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:51

That's nasty and wrong. Find out who it was and shit in their locker! That'll learn em'

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:10

*Waits for wanna be Grammar Nazis*

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 20:44

I fuckin hate grammar nazi's!!!

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:11

*fucking My work here is done. HI-HO GRAMMAR NAZI, AAAWAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 22:18

9 - I just read "That's nasty" in Cleveland Brown's voice, am I the only one. . . . ?

Mister_Triangle 21

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Thursday 16 February 2012 7:24

As a Grammar Nazi, I find nothing wrong with that comment. 'Ironic' mistakes are perfectly acceptable for humor. Move along

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:54

You obviously pissed off someone enough to get pissed on.

ninjuh_wingman 29

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:55

If thats what being popular gets you, I'd rather be a nerd.

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 23:17

accidentally commented and can't delete it on my phone. don't mind me...

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Thursday 16 February 2012 4:22

It probably was a nerd who peed in his locker. Compared to the popular guys, they'd be the only ones smart enough to manage making it happen.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 145

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 47