By Crapper. - United States - Fayetteville Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML I agree, your life sucks 11076 You deserved it 717 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jlover42 - United States Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 64754 You deserved it 18312 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By greattt - United States Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML I agree, your life sucks 30086 You deserved it 3835 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By W T F - United States - Jacksonville Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML I agree, your life sucks 43720 You deserved it 3592 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By charlie043 - United States Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML I agree, your life sucks 12791 You deserved it 41828 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissedoffexgirlfriend Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML I agree, your life sucks 6732 You deserved it 556 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boundandgagged - United States Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML I agree, your life sucks 41384 You deserved it 4966 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lyssthemiss - United States - Joliet Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 25648 You deserved it 2292 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML I agree, your life sucks 22705 You deserved it 3160 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML I agree, your life sucks 1324 You deserved it 280 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - India Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML I agree, your life sucks 43820 You deserved it 7092 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JB - United States - Somerset Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML I agree, your life sucks 27450 You deserved it 4886 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bouh - France - Paris Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML I agree, your life sucks 51124 You deserved it 9284 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ima_Moronski - United States Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML I agree, your life sucks 39319 You deserved it 7081 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Congrats? - United States - Charleston Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML I agree, your life sucks 28631 You deserved it 1833 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By confused - United States Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML I agree, your life sucks 32690 You deserved it 5620 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML I agree, your life sucks 70165 You deserved it 3551 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML I agree, your life sucks 10942 You deserved it 980 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML I agree, your life sucks 33715 You deserved it 4092 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By R - Australia - Melbourne Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML I agree, your life sucks 16774 You deserved it 1412 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By confusedandnowsingle - Finland - Espoo Today, my boyfriend's proposal speech somehow ended with him breaking up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 62543 You deserved it 4293 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sharibabi65 - United States Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML I agree, your life sucks 31311 You deserved it 6799 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By allgrowedup - United States Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML I agree, your life sucks 41268 You deserved it 5478 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By special-ingredient - Canada Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML I agree, your life sucks 36895 You deserved it 13886 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By allennn - France Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML I agree, your life sucks 12885 You deserved it 38417 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML I agree, your life sucks 18394 You deserved it 36587 224 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML I agree, your life sucks 47994 You deserved it 5507 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Crystal Lake Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML I agree, your life sucks 46772 You deserved it 3814 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops secretary Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4060 You deserved it 588 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML I agree, your life sucks 28967 You deserved it 9338 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh shit - United States - Palatine Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML I agree, your life sucks 58609 You deserved it 8667 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ilovecowboys - New Zealand Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML I agree, your life sucks 26783 You deserved it 7001 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jazzyfizzle - United States Acting 101 Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML I agree, your life sucks 14080 You deserved it 70817 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By depressed - United States Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 10755 You deserved it 26164 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grrrr - United States Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML I agree, your life sucks 12096 You deserved it 48055 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By so scared - Canada - Barrie Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML I agree, your life sucks 46543 You deserved it 6179 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coco1234 - 9/3/2020 12:35 Brain melt Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 1320 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By preggers - Canada Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 33456 You deserved it 3912 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By planes - United States Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 36885 You deserved it 2572 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EdwinOEF - United Arab Emirates Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML I agree, your life sucks 39566 You deserved it 3016 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brian - United States - East Wenatchee Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML I agree, your life sucks 32105 You deserved it 5085 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StormfrontX33_fml | 24 #6700272 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:09 It takes a shit person to sink so low. Send a private message 104 6 Reply
By mcruff | 12 #6700279 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:17 Middle schoolers are a bunch of shits Send a private message 73 3 Reply
By ThrottleJockey | 34 #6700267 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:02 Please tell me it had Groucho Marx eyebrows on it! That would be awesome! Send a private message 8 2 Reply
By Welshite | 39 #6700268 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:02 That poor little bear. They even took his Honey Pot. Send a private message 6 13 Reply
Reply TeraBaap | 21 #6700421 - Saturday 8 October 2016 11:24 Winne the poo(h)? Send a private message 0 4 Reply
By StormfrontX33_fml | 24 #6700272 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:09 It takes a shit person to sink so low. Send a private message 104 6 Reply
Reply Valak_fml | 12 #6700471 - Saturday 8 October 2016 14:45 You've become a staple of these comments, it's amazing Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By lizzypacker | 14 #6700274 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:10 What is wrong with people? Send a private message 12 2 Reply
By _EnderDoge | 22 #6700276 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:10 12 year olds. Send a private message 10 2 Reply
By tosdyke | 16 #6700277 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:10 Shit happens! Send a private message 6 3 Reply
By mcruff | 12 #6700279 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:17 Middle schoolers are a bunch of shits Send a private message 73 3 Reply
By coolmike699 | 26 #6700280 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:18 Every middle school has a Shitler. I remember walking into a bathroom stall once and seeing a turd placed directly on the rim of the toilet bowl once. That's some precision shartshooting there. Send a private message 22 1 Reply
By cnewton84 | 28 #6700286 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:29 I remember some dumbass did that when i was in 9th grade. He did it to what are the odds, got 3 days OSS Send a private message 6 1 Reply
By rgetting | 24 #6700287 - Saturday 8 October 2016 3:32 I remember being in middle school. This doesn't surprise me. Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 617 You deserved it 181 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1080 You deserved it 168 11 Comments