twinkybandit

Today, I'm a 22 year-old guy with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

You're welcome…

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML