Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After...

By Anonymous

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

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Family values

Dementia or hate? You decide

Tense

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

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By sadSarah - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

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By footfetish - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

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By ShouldBeSingleSoon - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was stopped in traffic when a woman rear-ended me, backed up, and sped off along the shoulder, taking my passenger side mirror with her. FML

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By stoggie96 - United States - Wooster

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

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By xmelissadavisx

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

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21483

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

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By buttpain

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

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5952

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

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By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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31080

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By creepyguy - Australia

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

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By Falcon - United States

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

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29376

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By cheaphubbyswife - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

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4155

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By yerface - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

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By Rosie - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

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36218

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By unsuccessful popping - United States - Tappan

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

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By of course

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML

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1666

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By MySistersDogisStupid

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

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By coyote - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

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By Burntintomyretinas - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

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25757

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By Monkey - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

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33569

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By toughbf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

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28732

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working the drive-through at McDonald's. I greeted a customer with a, "Hi, how are you doing today?" His response: "Better than you." FML

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By bear - Australia - Sydney

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

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41296

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By Cakeman - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

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8271

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By titou - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

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By Syferix - United States

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

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By Gurior - Canada

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

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14855

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By sadbride

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2896

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By Jacquelinez - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

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27967

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

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27976

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By bootyislife - United States - Lynnwood

Hidden

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

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31534

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7696218 - Thursday 20 September 2018 4:56

You should have punched him in the face, and asked how that smelled.

By NPDclusterBaware | 8

#7811951 - Thursday 13 June 2019 23:35

Gross and I bet all the YDIers are /r/niceguys

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7696218 - Thursday 20 September 2018 4:56

You should have punched him in the face, and asked how that smelled.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7812379 - Saturday 15 June 2019 16:02

Another old post? I thought we were done with these?

By Dthsapprntc | 23

#7811945 - Thursday 13 June 2019 23:06

How to get girls to NOT like you 101.

By Wadlaen | 19

#7811946 - Thursday 13 June 2019 23:10

Well, was he right..?

By NPDclusterBaware | 8

#7811951 - Thursday 13 June 2019 23:35

Gross and I bet all the YDIers are /r/niceguys

rebelwithmouseyhair | 16

#7812122 - Friday 14 June 2019 14:21

each with a really small one.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7811972 - Friday 14 June 2019 2:27

The nose knows!

By Briarpatch | 20

#7811987 - Friday 14 June 2019 4:50

Ew. Just.... ew..... [shudder]

By Joshawott | 21

#7812060 - Friday 14 June 2019 10:04

"That's odd, because I can only smell one c- here?"

By RoyalSafari | 26

#7812065 - Friday 14 June 2019 10:26

That's odd. I thought 'Multiple Miggs' had died in The Silence of the Lambs.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7812110 - Friday 14 June 2019 13:40

That's the moment when you start carrying mace.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7812185 - Friday 14 June 2019 19:44

Well, were you ovulating?