Kids and Parents: Never too old for freedom - FML

Never too old for freedom

By Anonymous - 11/06/2023 00:02

Today, my last grown child moved out and into their own place. As I stood in my house, which was finally empty and quiet for the first time in 37 years, all I could think was, "THANK GOD THOSE IRRITATING SODS ARE GONE, I HAVE MY LIFE BACK, BUT DAMN IT, I’M TOO OLD TO HAVE REAL FUN ANYMORE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 772

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Same thing different taste

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 19/11/2023 00:00

Today, our youngest child finally moved out of our house. I went to embrace my wife and say something romantic about us growing old together, but she said, "Thank God they're gone, I can finally leave you." An hour later, she was gone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 149

By CollegeBound - 17/08/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 259

You deserved it 2 361

No rest for the wicked

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 02:00

Today, our youngest daughter bought her first house and moved out, meaning all three of our kids are now gone, so we can relax and gracefully grow old together, right? Nope. Barely an hour later, my wife showed me a positive pregnancy test. In nine months we have to start all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 925

The future is bleak

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 10:00

Today, I just bought my own house after divorcing my wife of 30 years. We'd been childless by her choice, and as I stood in my new living room, looking at the emptiness, I couldn’t help the feeling I just bought a 2-storey, £125,000 coffin that I’ll one day die alone and be buried in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 295

Not interested

By Anonymous - 19/05/2023 06:00

Today, it's been a few weeks since I moved into my own place, so I decided to visit my parents. I rang to ask for a good time to come over but all I got was basically, "Nope, you’re moved out now, a grown up, no longer our problem, ring us when you get some girl pregnant with our first grandbaby, bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 110

A news day

By Not Wanted - 03/02/2014 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 4 682

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 06:42 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 449

You deserved it 3 242

Cut the apron strings

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 291

By college kid - 31/07/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 227

You deserved it 5 370

Sentenced

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 29 272

Next

Top comments

Anderling 32

Sunday 11 June 2023 0:57

You’re never too old to have fun. Go enjoy your regained freedom

Hangryko 29

Sunday 11 June 2023 3:27

Why did you have kids if you hate them?

Comments

Anderling 32

Sunday 11 June 2023 0:57

You’re never too old to have fun. Go enjoy your regained freedom

Hangryko 29

Sunday 11 June 2023 3:27

Why did you have kids if you hate them?

Amanda Marie Nehez 13

Sunday 11 June 2023 4:28

I mean, that's what happens when you have kids. That's also why I'll never have them lol

Melisssa 3

Sunday 11 June 2023 5:48

In 20 years you will look back and think you were so young now

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 11 June 2023 16:44

Fathers' Day is coming up. I'm guessing you're not expecting much from the IRRITATING SODS.

Marjo86 29

Thursday 15 June 2023 22:32

wow, such a loving parent…

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 911

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 100

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 767

You deserved it 82 670

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 300 280

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 062

You deserved it 3 184

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 924

You deserved it 4 779

Today, I flirted with the cashier at the local bagel joint. I complimented her unique blue hair and got her number. Later on that evening, she served my girlfriend and me our food at a different restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 6 308