Intimacy and Health: Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have... - FML

By ReallyRyan?

Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

All over

By nikko blue - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

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By my kids smell bad

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

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By tool - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

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By "Audrey Harmon"

Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML

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By BadKneeBackAndSinuses

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

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By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

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By schwange - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

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By alone - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

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By Darth Spasticus - United States - Flower Mound

Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML

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By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

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By sisco2901 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

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By Eddy - United States - Mountain Pine

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 20:01

Childlike

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

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By krystal - United States

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

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By Hopeless

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By yup - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

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By oprahahaha - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

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By notcool - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

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By JT - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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By whut - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Thanks, I guess

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

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By anonymous198913 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

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By jkon - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

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By Blondegirl - United States

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

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By Sweet Jesus - 18/6/2020 14:02

NCIS: Dumbass Response Team

Today, when my almost-16-year-old asked if the 9-1-1 phone number was named after 9/11, I forgave her because she wasn't even born when it happened, but when my 18-year-old asked if jelly comes from jellyfish, I wondered if I've failed as a parent. FML

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By crap car - United States - Golden

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

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By jshum - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

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By Weightlosshereicome - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

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By why - United States

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

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By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Pile on

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

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By poorkids - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

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By Brown345 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

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Top comments

By Jerry Leberer | 12

#7686074 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:36

at least you found out now before you got it somewhere.

By tounces7 | 27

#7686063 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:11

I mean....how? Did your brother sit on it completely bare-assed or something? I mean was he wiping with it too? I'm failing to understand the mechanics of this.

COMMENTS

By Boyufd | 22

#7686061 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:08

this is like the other FML, when OP caught her boyfriend bending over for their neighbor's teenage son

By tounces7 | 27

#7686063 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:11

I mean....how? Did your brother sit on it completely bare-assed or something? I mean was he wiping with it too? I'm failing to understand the mechanics of this.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7686076 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:44

Could have happened if OP's bro and boyfriend were getting it on outside.

Reply

blightsight | 10

#7686230 - Saturday 1 September 2018 13:32

the brother and boyfriend were having anal sex

Reply

tounces7 | 27

#7686301 - Saturday 1 September 2018 17:16

Yes I understood the sex part....however the parts that would be touching each other, would not typically be the parts that also touch the poison Ivy unless you really just rubbed it all up in there.

Reply

EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7686437 - Saturday 1 September 2018 23:09

you ain't the only one.

Reply

Alexiskovich | 6

#7691275 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 10:16

The OP's bf and younger brother are fucking. The OP's bf fucked the younger brother in the ass and got poison ivy.

By Jerry Leberer | 12

#7686074 - Saturday 1 September 2018 6:36

at least you found out now before you got it somewhere.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7686087 - Saturday 1 September 2018 7:49

Apparently the call of nature is strong with those two 🤣🤣

By _Hakuna_Matata_ | 12

#7686099 - Saturday 1 September 2018 8:21

Well, maybe, just maybe your younger brother sat on your boyfriends lap accidentally in a steam room? (FRIENDS for reference XD)

By EggyDogger | 13

#7686111 - Saturday 1 September 2018 8:52

Hol up

By boredgirl_02 | 14

#7686200 - Saturday 1 September 2018 12:33

He could have slapped him on the ass in a good game type a way and then touched himself.
I got it cause my ex or my dog walked in it and somehow whatever my hands touched got it.

By silentbabydeer | 10

#7686247 - Saturday 1 September 2018 14:19

Why in the world is there so many FML that their own relative had stabbed them in the back by sleeping with their boyfriend/girlfriend? What’s wrong with these relatives?

Reply

thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7686313 - Saturday 1 September 2018 17:49

I know FML is like a soap opera

By dwight7476 | 11

#7686372 - Saturday 1 September 2018 20:04

At least you didn’t find out about from somebody else

By Chazzster | 20

#7686503 - Sunday 2 September 2018 1:17

Why is boyfriend not now your ex-boyfriend?