By oops_i_did_it_againnn - Canada - Welland Today, I'm afraid to show my face in church ever again after I farted too hard and shit myself there this past Sunday. I'm the priest. FML I agree, your life sucks 2985 You deserved it 506 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yoda - United States Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML I agree, your life sucks 41864 You deserved it 4881 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne Keep the peace Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML I agree, your life sucks 619 You deserved it 79 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wenchfucker - France - ?pinal Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML I agree, your life sucks 29190 You deserved it 2154 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - France Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML I agree, your life sucks 29609 You deserved it 4347 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stillembarrassed - United Kingdom Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML I agree, your life sucks 52277 You deserved it 6664 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By implantme Give Me Novacaine Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 2981 You deserved it 228 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poorpony Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML I agree, your life sucks 3628 You deserved it 329 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck kids - United States - Binghamton Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML I agree, your life sucks 46291 You deserved it 3423 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML I agree, your life sucks 18296 You deserved it 43312 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By accountingclown Today, I travelled cross-country to interview for my dream job. The team seemed to love me and I had a lot of fun. In the airport on the way home I saw a news report that the company is closing. FML I agree, your life sucks 7601 You deserved it 563 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Mommy Goes Commando Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML I agree, your life sucks 4210 You deserved it 2737 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Bite me Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML I agree, your life sucks 1750 You deserved it 170 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML I agree, your life sucks 10133 You deserved it 40415 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 32421 You deserved it 6563 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 - 5/12/2020 02:02 Weird-ass kids Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML I agree, your life sucks 1027 You deserved it 83 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rie - Ireland Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML I agree, your life sucks 26341 You deserved it 5384 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cary Today, I resorted to buying some expensive flowers and sending them to my boss anonymously with a mysterious love letter, just to get her to lighten the hell up and stop constantly harassing and berating me over every little thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 24122 You deserved it 2474 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yourmainman - Canada Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML I agree, your life sucks 55682 You deserved it 15845 200 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jen__ - Canada - Kitimat Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML I agree, your life sucks 41132 You deserved it 4456 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By carson28 - United States Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML I agree, your life sucks 50101 You deserved it 6316 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By millie219 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML I agree, your life sucks 31274 You deserved it 2168 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sammatthews2007 - United States Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML I agree, your life sucks 105060 You deserved it 7463 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dickhead - United States Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML I agree, your life sucks 30065 You deserved it 3371 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Elmoo - Netherlands Today, I was at work when a customer, who was going to pay for her groceries, started sorting through her money. She put some coins in her mouth, seemed to suck on them for a while, and then gave them to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29453 You deserved it 1926 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I learned that the guy I was seeing had a girlfriend that he hid from me. I found this out when she attacked me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1725 You deserved it 129 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Toolate Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 13513 You deserved it 1287 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gibbette - United Arab Emirates - Dubai Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML I agree, your life sucks 55459 You deserved it 7285 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Christopher - Canada Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML I agree, your life sucks 111497 You deserved it 6164 257 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stolemylady - Australia Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating. FML I agree, your life sucks 32215 You deserved it 6758 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By baldintheback - United States Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML I agree, your life sucks 51535 You deserved it 14316 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML I agree, your life sucks 45390 You deserved it 6789 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Amelia Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML I agree, your life sucks 41211 You deserved it 3583 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mommydearist - United States Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML I agree, your life sucks 33638 You deserved it 2879 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chessgeeksam - United States Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML I agree, your life sucks 77283 You deserved it 4034 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By erpuchi - Dominican Republic Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 31381 You deserved it 6994 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrokenHangLow - United States - Havelock Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML I agree, your life sucks 4089 You deserved it 378 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hey, thats not math!? - United States - Sunnyside Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML I agree, your life sucks 13428 You deserved it 1283 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML I agree, your life sucks 31716 You deserved it 5920 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML I agree, your life sucks 5387 You deserved it 202 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By darianvilla - United States - College Park Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML I agree, your life sucks 8937 You deserved it 16686 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 29 #7686277 - Saturday 1 September 2018 16:12 You need to convert to Buddhism, because now even Jesus can’t look at you with a straight face. Send a private message 18 1 Reply
By BurnInDemonFire | 30 #7682676 - Sunday 26 August 2018 0:14 "Our Father, who fart in Hea... hang on, that's more than just a fart..." Send a private message 16 1 Reply
By BurnInDemonFire | 30 #7682676 - Sunday 26 August 2018 0:14 "Our Father, who fart in Hea... hang on, that's more than just a fart..." Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply Leeono | 26 #7682843 - Sunday 26 August 2018 10:51 Give us today our daily toilet tissue.... Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #7686277 - Saturday 1 September 2018 16:12 You need to convert to Buddhism, because now even Jesus can’t look at you with a straight face. Send a private message 18 1 Reply
By Charlie Given | 23 #7686279 - Saturday 1 September 2018 16:16 LMFAO you definitely were preaching the brown gospel 😂🤣 Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By saberjpg | 6 #7686283 - Saturday 1 September 2018 16:20 Just tell your flock that even the king of kings needed to sit on the throne from time to time. Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By Chewy1 | 18 #7686289 - Saturday 1 September 2018 17:02 Holy shit. Send a private message 10 0 Reply
By GoogieWithers | 21 #7686298 - Saturday 1 September 2018 17:10 Ask and ye shall receive... Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By Boyufd | 22 #7686319 - Saturday 1 September 2018 17:58 priest don't curse Send a private message 5 2 Reply
By Linda Mau | 10 #7686335 - Saturday 1 September 2018 18:30 the father, the son, and the holy crap. that's what it was. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Lionize | 6 #7686336 - Saturday 1 September 2018 18:30 Samuel 12:20 Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your shart. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly... I agree, your life sucks 535 You deserved it 34 8 Comments
Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1044 You deserved it 99 20 Comments