Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML - FML

By bmonehh - 24/11/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45270

You deserved it

3468

Tweet

Share

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Gratitude walks

Mind your own beeswax

By Sonofaquiche - 26/1/2017 02:00

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4891

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2018 18:30

Today, in front of our family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black man. I do not have a racist bone in my body; this man is an actual gang member and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2840

You deserved it

184

Tweet

Share

By - 30/1/2020 20:00

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3678

You deserved it

314

Tweet

Share

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3109

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/3/2011 11:43 - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58738

You deserved it

4884

Tweet

Share

By peter - 11/9/2009 04:33 - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47628

You deserved it

2968

Tweet

Share

By no, YOU raised him - 3/4/2015 21:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32944

You deserved it

6465

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

On call

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1542

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By Madison43097 - 24/9/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29589

You deserved it

2514

Tweet

Share

By shittyemployee - 28/7/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1789

You deserved it

3056

Tweet

Share

By Peter - 25/11/2010 10:25

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32727

You deserved it

2824

Tweet

Share

By FaceTime issues - 6/4/2014 06:57 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41952

You deserved it

4983

Tweet

Share

By kkbb - 14/3/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23404

You deserved it

2534

Tweet

Share

By Wounded_irony - 5/12/2017 05:00

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3802

You deserved it

573

Tweet

Share

By Why - 3/9/2015 19:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29842

You deserved it

1809

Tweet

Share

By ugly - 15/4/2011 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42894

You deserved it

3351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36821

You deserved it

4200

Tweet

Share

By El Sayer - 3/3/2020 23:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Hey, Big Spender!

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1680

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By OUCH - 19/5/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51320

You deserved it

3218

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/6/2011 19:58 - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36657

You deserved it

4158

Tweet

Share

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2010 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27712

You deserved it

9972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18881

You deserved it

9744

Tweet

Share

By omfgfmlife - 5/7/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32203

You deserved it

3040

Tweet

Share

By BoringFucker - 6/2/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42256

You deserved it

4712

Tweet

Share

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27983

You deserved it

7208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 02:49 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36158

You deserved it

17851

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 06:00

On Target, almost

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1765

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By anotherfmladdict - 26/9/2013 07:06 - United States - Muscatine

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38907

You deserved it

5248

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35854

You deserved it

4015

Tweet

Share

By halfie - 26/9/2015 05:06 - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10497

You deserved it

33165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23887

You deserved it

3151

Tweet

Share

By junior07 - 31/5/2017 22:00

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3526

You deserved it

1870

Tweet

Share

By Dumbass - 20/6/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63552

You deserved it

3698

Tweet

Share

By Alexander D. - 14/7/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8594

You deserved it

36507

Tweet

Share

By katelynm - 8/2/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39836

You deserved it

8870

Tweet

Share

By lookwhereyasittin - 24/1/2016 17:47 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17840

You deserved it

6545

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46431

You deserved it

3270

Tweet

Share

By Ihavethickthighs - 7/9/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3400

You deserved it

524

Tweet

Share

By fuckmuppet - 27/5/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43618

You deserved it

7434

Tweet

Share

By Drizztreri - 5/3/2014 00:09 - United States - Imperial

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42681

You deserved it

3305

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#686910 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:23

Lying bitch.
... Isn't that illegal?

By kira1kira | 0

#686931 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:53

there has never been an FML this bad, this short, you should get an award

COMMENTS

By awesome_o | 0

#686888 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

perdix | 29

#686942 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 0:15

Go for it, but remember the warning from "Ghostbusters"

Don't cross the streams!

(Swords, either.)

Reply

kelslovesyou | 0

#693770 - Sunday 29 November 2009 3:24

hahahahaha yeahhhhh

Reply

michael32123 | 0

#820913 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:12

^^win

Reply

epicfailburger | 0

#874822 - Saturday 20 February 2010 8:09

like that movie coraline?

Reply

Fridiculously | 0

#1002495 - Saturday 22 May 2010 17:47

Soo... how'd it go?

Reply

claireful | 4

#2433138 - Saturday 30 April 2011 8:07

Reverse polagamy! You can have your own TLC show called "Brother Husbands"

Reply

Zeek63 | 0

#3328340 - Thursday 22 September 2011 14:24

3-way the golden rule. Lonely Island reference!

Reply

Ramanella | 26

#5778188 - Wednesday 4 December 2013 7:07

How about Noway

By mzbosii | 0

#686893 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:12

omg that sucks

Reply

devinluttrell | 0

#896414 - Saturday 27 February 2010 6:17

lol

Reply

spaerro | 8

#2492112 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 6:26

polygamy?

By Hurt16 | 0

#686895 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:12

yay I'm number 1!!! n ooommmg that's fucked up on all types of levels... I wonder how the conversation went...

husband #1walks in the store with his wife...

husband #2 spots his wife with another dude

husband #2 says hiiiiiiii Babi

husband #1 gives husband #2 a dirty look

wife opens eyes wide

husband #1 says hi I'm Jack her husband

husband #2 slaps wife

husband #1 gets mad n screams what the fuck

husband #/ says I'm fucking her too that's my wife

yes indeed FUCK YOUR LIFE!!!

Reply

swhockey02 | 0

#1007427 - Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:18

your actualy # 3 idiot

Reply

lilduke22 | 0

#1186317 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:01

72 number 1 or 3 was on a roll and then you kinda killed it

Reply

Frosc | 0

#1356056 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:06

You're*

Reply

entwinedrose | 9

#5183532 - Sunday 25 November 2012 9:21

This post hurts to look at.

By polliander | 0

#686897 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:13

YDI for not saying something clever or original

By Greggeh67 | 0

#686900 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:14

Was he a nice guy?

By sammy6597 | 0

#686901 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:16

LOL AT #6

Reply

123e3 | 0

#687139 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 5:16

Not funny...

Reply

thirdbase1733 | 0

#909822 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:40

dousche

Reply

qwertyuiopdead | 0

#1046960 - Monday 28 June 2010 13:37

wtf

By thommo00 | 0

#686906 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:21

haha yea

By YDI_King | 0

#686907 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:22

YDI for falling for a sluttly sperm dumpster

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#686910 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:23

Lying bitch.
... Isn't that illegal?

Reply

fisher50 | 0

#985120 - Monday 26 April 2010 14:34

I smell a conspiracy. 0.o

Reply

ukenagoth | 0

#992044 - Thursday 13 May 2010 19:02

not all wemon are like that you ass

Reply

Fab0luZ | 0

#1070346 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 7:36

its Illegal in the states to have more than 1 wifeyyyyyy--- like the uhmmm the Mormons--they say its part of theire 'religon' or whateverrr-- yeaaa genital warts

Reply

htb2050 | 11

#2526935 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 4:10

wtf

Reply

The_Appendix_ | 13

#6078482 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 13:40

when did they say all women are like that?

Reply

ZombieSazza | 34

#6322933 - Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:22

It's known as bigamy and yes, it's illegal.

Reply

chicken_dip | 22

#6362760 - Monday 27 July 2015 6:37

Very illegal. And just plain mean.

Reply

potuyit | 10

#6546347 - Saturday 27 February 2016 3:03

It's illegal unless your religion allows it I believe.

By Stranger35 | 0

#686911 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:25

that one line says it all. short and sweet FYL