Intimacy: Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML - FML

By bmonehh - United States

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Blender time!

By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

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By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

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By Sarah - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

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By tapeissticky591 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

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By SpaceAstronaut - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

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By single - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

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By caltech - United States - San Jose

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

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By Bad sibling

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

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By allinicolesmh - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

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By towelwindow - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

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By Stupid

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML

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By cooldude - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

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By corfan01 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

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By Anonymous

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

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By badhairday - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

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By DarkMaskDiva

Vicious circle

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By nerdychick - United States

Stalker vibes

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

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By OhJoy - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

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By hangman - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

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By Wheresthecreamfilling

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

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By sick of life - United States

Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 02:02

Denied

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

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By sales ham - United States

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

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By Hard in flip flops

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

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By PUA - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 21:28

Congratulations!

Today, I received the most comments and likes on a Facebook post for years. What exciting thing had happened in my life? Well, I bought a glow-in-the-dark plant. FML

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By snow

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Shawna - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

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Top comments

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#686910 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:23

Lying bitch.
... Isn't that illegal?

By kira1kira | 0

#686931 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:53

there has never been an FML this bad, this short, you should get an award

COMMENTS

By awesome_o | 0

#686888 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

perdix | 29

#686942 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 0:15

Go for it, but remember the warning from "Ghostbusters"

Don't cross the streams!

(Swords, either.)

Reply

kelslovesyou | 0

#693770 - Sunday 29 November 2009 3:24

hahahahaha yeahhhhh

Reply

michael32123 | 0

#820913 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:12

^^win

Reply

epicfailburger | 0

#874822 - Saturday 20 February 2010 8:09

like that movie coraline?

Reply

Fridiculously | 0

#1002495 - Saturday 22 May 2010 17:47

Soo... how'd it go?

Reply

claireful | 4

#2433138 - Saturday 30 April 2011 8:07

Reverse polagamy! You can have your own TLC show called "Brother Husbands"

Reply

Zeek63 | 0

#3328340 - Thursday 22 September 2011 14:24

3-way the golden rule. Lonely Island reference!

Reply

Ramanella | 26

#5778188 - Wednesday 4 December 2013 7:07

How about Noway

By mzbosii | 0

#686893 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:12

omg that sucks

Reply

devinluttrell | 0

#896414 - Saturday 27 February 2010 6:17

lol

Reply

spaerro | 8

#2492112 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 6:26

polygamy?

By Hurt16 | 0

#686895 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:12

yay I'm number 1!!! n ooommmg that's fucked up on all types of levels... I wonder how the conversation went...

husband #1walks in the store with his wife...

husband #2 spots his wife with another dude

husband #2 says hiiiiiiii Babi

husband #1 gives husband #2 a dirty look

wife opens eyes wide

husband #1 says hi I'm Jack her husband

husband #2 slaps wife

husband #1 gets mad n screams what the fuck

husband #/ says I'm fucking her too that's my wife

yes indeed FUCK YOUR LIFE!!!

Reply

swhockey02 | 0

#1007427 - Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:18

your actualy # 3 idiot

Reply

lilduke22 | 0

#1186317 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:01

72 number 1 or 3 was on a roll and then you kinda killed it

Reply

Frosc | 0

#1356056 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:06

You're*

Reply

entwinedrose | 9

#5183532 - Sunday 25 November 2012 9:21

This post hurts to look at.

By polliander | 0

#686897 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:13

YDI for not saying something clever or original

By Greggeh67 | 0

#686900 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:14

Was he a nice guy?

By sammy6597 | 0

#686901 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:16

LOL AT #6

Reply

123e3 | 0

#687139 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 5:16

Not funny...

Reply

thirdbase1733 | 0

#909822 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:40

dousche

Reply

qwertyuiopdead | 0

#1046960 - Monday 28 June 2010 13:37

wtf

By thommo00 | 0

#686906 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:21

haha yea

By YDI_King | 0

#686907 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:22

YDI for falling for a sluttly sperm dumpster

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#686910 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:23

Lying bitch.
... Isn't that illegal?

Reply

fisher50 | 0

#985120 - Monday 26 April 2010 14:34

I smell a conspiracy. 0.o

Reply

ukenagoth | 0

#992044 - Thursday 13 May 2010 19:02

not all wemon are like that you ass

Reply

Fab0luZ | 0

#1070346 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 7:36

its Illegal in the states to have more than 1 wifeyyyyyy--- like the uhmmm the Mormons--they say its part of theire 'religon' or whateverrr-- yeaaa genital warts

Reply

htb2050 | 11

#2526935 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 4:10

wtf

Reply

The_Appendix_ | 13

#6078482 - Wednesday 1 October 2014 13:40

when did they say all women are like that?

Reply

ZombieSazza | 34

#6322933 - Wednesday 17 June 2015 6:22

It's known as bigamy and yes, it's illegal.

Reply

chicken_dip | 22

#6362760 - Monday 27 July 2015 6:37

Very illegal. And just plain mean.

Reply

potuyit | 10

#6546347 - Saturday 27 February 2016 3:03

It's illegal unless your religion allows it I believe.

By Stranger35 | 0

#686911 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:25

that one line says it all. short and sweet FYL