By fml - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

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1744

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222

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Illustrated FML

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By theydidsmellitthough - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26131

You deserved it

9346

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By Anonymous - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9593

You deserved it

27877

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By jalapeno_popper - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself and it came down too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7588

You deserved it

34605

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By Ouch

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1386

You deserved it

164

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41341

You deserved it

4212

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By sh33zy - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41305

You deserved it

3482

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By unwanted - Canada

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2110

You deserved it

127

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By SlothyMolly - United States

Hey, it's you!

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34755

You deserved it

4167

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By StayPositive - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27388

You deserved it

9554

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59509

You deserved it

6219

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By WorstMedicalBill - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11113

You deserved it

21710

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By jeremyj - United States

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29132

You deserved it

2809

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By ugh - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23562

You deserved it

1553

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By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28446

You deserved it

4325

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By D-Man - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27190

You deserved it

4102

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By Anonymous - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41348

You deserved it

3009

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By Joe - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25176

You deserved it

5712

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By petty petty petty

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3375

You deserved it

246

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By Curles - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1747

You deserved it

138

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By LoveStinks

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16127

You deserved it

2528

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21496

You deserved it

2258

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18813

You deserved it

20550

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By Anon - United States - Mesquite

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34699

You deserved it

2854

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By Anna

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2677

You deserved it

292

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By StickyWicket

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1966

You deserved it

115

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By Tigerlily

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4125

You deserved it

593

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By akasha - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25890

You deserved it

2594

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By UnluckyGroom - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8116

You deserved it

59475

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By Ouchies - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50192

You deserved it

3777

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By Anonymous - United States - Glen Ellyn

Whoops

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20503

You deserved it

1325

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By fatty - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23663

You deserved it

49798

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By Uhmm... - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46839

You deserved it

4276

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By the_emilymohr

Gourmet dinner

Today, after feeding my cats, I walked out of the room. Five minutes later, I heard one of them making a hacking sound. Knowing the outcome, I went to get some paper towels to wipe up the mess. When I went in, my other cat was eating it. Certain things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1243

You deserved it

206

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By Anonymous - United States - Kingman

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22663

You deserved it

4083

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19926

You deserved it

57379

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By city_girl - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32959

You deserved it

2530

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46581

You deserved it

7091

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By number2 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44940

You deserved it

4485

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By - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23067

You deserved it

2788

Favorite

By buggingout - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43043

You deserved it

4483

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7874030 - Monday 13 January 2020 16:36

Hand her divorce papers -- that'll make her day.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7874032 - Monday 13 January 2020 16:49

How long were you waiting for your marriage certificate if your wife is already regretting marrying you? Also, why does she regret marrying you?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7874030 - Monday 13 January 2020 16:36

Hand her divorce papers -- that'll make her day.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7874032 - Monday 13 January 2020 16:49

How long were you waiting for your marriage certificate if your wife is already regretting marrying you? Also, why does she regret marrying you?