Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
Calyx_fml 22
And you're still married because...?
jayleensmama 14
Because it doesn't take 5 minutes to get divorced.
unknown_user5566 27
Hopefully only because a divorce takes time.
unknown_user5566 27
Take comfort in the fact that you are a good person willing to risk your life for your country, and your soon-to-be ex-wife is a *****. Thank you for your service, OP. I hope you find a woman who is worth your time.
huskerz20 4
Very comforting to know his good deeds protect a cheating wife and a illegitimate son
Nomosaur 0
Sounds like the commercial for GO ON
unknown_user5566 27
You're right. Flowers WOULD make me forget that I'm a stupid, cheating bitch who deserves to get back-handed for having an affair, and hiding it from my husband. Solid advice!
katiebrynn 2
Your wife is a ***** you deserve way better anyways ..that really sucks tho you will find someone better
SK_babii123 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I wouldn't have wanted to be present at the conception if I were you..
unknown_user5566 27
So, you wouldn't want to be involved in creating a baby with your spouse? Interesting.
genericfmluser 17
I think you missed the joke. o.o
SK_babii123 5
I meant that I don't think he would want to have witnessed the conception of THIS baby..obviously if it were him and his wife, then he would want to be there, but it was another guy...why would he want to be there to watch that?
cntryiscntrywide 0
Id put my boot up her ass.
SovietBarney 8
OP, you're an officer. If all the women back home knew about you, you could find someone ten times better than that cheating wench in no time.
niallsprincess 9
Wow. How can somebody disrespect a troop like that? Terrible.
LaughinStock 16
I don't know you should ask the VA office that same question. As for Op thank you for your service.
BloodFaerie 21
That is just disrespectful... what a ******* *****. You're off risking your life for our country and that bitch can't even risk keeping her legs together? And obviously, that means more scum breeding....