Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML
Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML
Today, I found out that my unemployed and very needy mother-in-law will be moving in with us soon. And during my conversation on the phone with her, she expects us to buy a house and my wife and I can "live with her." My wife agrees with all of this. FML
Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML
Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML
Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML
Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, my psycho sister came home. Why did she leave? To manipulate my parents to let her live here rent free. My mother built her a new bedroom, twice the size of my unit, so she can fuck my ex with privacy. She earns 4 times what I do, but doesn't have to pay rent. I own the house with mum. FML
Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML
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Top comments
xrainbowshadowx 17
Stick one of the toy lizards on the shower wall.
SuperKnuckels 6
i thought most politicians are shape shifting lizards.
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Comments (210)
Feklfekl2222 32
You could if you were on a track with kits of speedups
ThecomingofTan 9
Tell your mother-in-law to lay off of those Youtube videos. There is some crazy shit on there. I remember when I first heard about the Reptilian conspiracy, I actually was at work scoping out the random people to see if they had the characteristics of one. But eventually, I rubbed one out and moved on with my life.
br0ccoli 15
You rubbed one out to reptilians?? That is concerning.
iilovecokee 6
Is she crazy enough to kill you? No? Ok, proceed to make her believe you are a spy for the lizards. NO! Pretend to be a shape shifting lizard! Buy some contacts at the dress-up shop, casually bump into her making sure she takes notice of your lizard eyes. When you see/sense her alarm, quickly excuse yourself, remove your contacts and act like nothing happen. Let her catch you watching her from time to time. Man, seriously. You could have so much fun with this.
bulldoghitman97 4
FINALLY, somebody with the right idea!
br0ccoli 15
I want to shape shift into a phoenix with wings of fire and lazer-beam, x-ray eyes and claws that could shred metal. That would be awesome.
FalconWhitaker 20
But... David Cameron is just NOT lizard-like. A lizard-man would have a pointed face and Cameron just doesn't. I'd say he's more like a newt, really.
IndieApathy 21
Schizophrenia is never a nice thing to deal with... Perhaps you should get her to see a psychologist, and from there a psychiatrist. If you're lucky, she'll be institutionalised. This will help with her, and get her out of your hair. Just a suggestion...
sammyluvspugs 4
Maybe IDK TAKE HER TO AN ASYLUM?
drakej 0
It sounds like my highschool spanish teacher LMAO
KatieKupcake4195 9
This sounds like my paranoid-that-everyone-is-watching-me-and-wants-to-send-me-secret-messages-from-Satan uncle who frequently stays at my house. FYL, OP.
Noodle911 9
...Are you sure you don't mean red shells? They purposely go after other characters and there's a 50/50 chance of getting hit by your own shell if the others are near..