Love: Bachelor party

Bachelor party

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 417

Love

Triage

Dysfunctional

Another great day to be alive

By Dummas - 15/01/2017 12:00

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 620

You deserved it 6 058

By Whoops - 22/01/2013 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 033

You deserved it 46 680

By Sanchez - 07/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 420

You deserved it 2 786

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 2 829

By Rob - 16/10/2009 01:59 - France

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 3 548

By okay then - 13/02/2013 22:09 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 751

You deserved it 3 508

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 024

You deserved it 10 799

By Che_likes_you - 12/12/2014 15:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 2 837

By and not even in the good way - 30/03/2014 20:36 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 513

You deserved it 19 886

By sunshine - 29/06/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 898

By starboi - 20/12/2016 19:19 - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 462

You deserved it 1 310

By 3 More Months - 30/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 332

You deserved it 3 723

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 213

Where is everyone?

By Anonymous - 04/12/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to have a game night at my house. Suggesting a popular card game that everyone plays, snacks, and BYOB. No one showed or even said they weren't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 169

By contracted - 22/08/2016 05:49 - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 957

You deserved it 976

By Whyme? - 28/04/2016 02:39 - United States - Hackensack

Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 484

You deserved it 1 703

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 31 140

By notenoughsex - 19/03/2009 05:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 495

You deserved it 10 454

By Anonymous - 02/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 331

You deserved it 2 539

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 546

You deserved it 5 243

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 150

By Mr IT - 24/11/2009 01:47 - Sweden

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 746

You deserved it 43 011

By DrunkenMum - 20/07/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:05 - United States - Union City

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 525

You deserved it 3 731

Used

By Eric Jurgensen - 10/06/2020 17:03

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 01:10 - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 738

You deserved it 3 630

By cheated - 11/03/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 119

You deserved it 4 508

By Username - 03/08/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 780

You deserved it 51 904

By LA - 17/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 340

You deserved it 41 555

Woman DESTROYS her sex life with FACTS and some sort of LOGIC

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 22:59

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 809

By PeedMom - 16/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 1 791

By Laura_2118 - 12/12/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 837

You deserved it 4 310

By Justanotherwreck - 20/04/2019 16:00

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 3 930

By JC - 19/10/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly runs across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family that owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 263

You deserved it 5 929

By Username - 13/09/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 544

You deserved it 2 814

By fabiennemorin35 - 30/08/2016 09:29 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 156

You deserved it 1 485

By dentistftw - 08/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 892

You deserved it 2 885

By shart - 09/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 476

You deserved it 2 261

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 413

You deserved it 5 269

By addicted2v - 21/01/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 817

You deserved it 4 126

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 7 February 2020 18:29

Go to the club, find the stripper, give her your engagement ring and say "you can have him" and then leave all that clown show in a cloud of dust!

Mungolikecandy 19

Friday 7 February 2020 21:35

Why would he have a stag night the night before the wedding?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 7 February 2020 18:29

Go to the club, find the stripper, give her your engagement ring and say "you can have him" and then leave all that clown show in a cloud of dust!

Mungolikecandy 19

Friday 7 February 2020 21:35

Why would he have a stag night the night before the wedding?

Allie614032 34

Send a private message

Friday 7 February 2020 21:40

Oof. What was the stripper's name?

jbuckets_404 38

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Saturday 8 February 2020 6:41

..., it's Allie; her name was Allie.

thefmlman2011 35

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Friday 7 February 2020 22:00

This is definitely a repost. I remember reading the original

Pixiefingers83 3

Saturday 8 February 2020 1:01

You should have shoved some anti-nausea tablets down his throat and forced him to marry you...and be pleasant, smile, dance and socialise with everyone...as punishment.

alycion 38

Send a private message

Saturday 8 February 2020 17:31

I thought we’ve established they were reposting, mostly due to the lack of decent submissions. If no name/info is on it, it’s a repost for sure. Do they have to be pointed out every time? Not everyone has been on here that long and it’s new to them. Want new ones? Start sharing your embarrassing moments.