Miscellaneous: Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions.... - FML

By tftm - 05/01/2013 05:37 - United States - Elmhurst

Spicy

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 282

You deserved it 2 117

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

Another great day to be alive

By stupid - 07/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 668

You deserved it 61 186

By littlemiss - 10/02/2013 16:17 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 521

You deserved it 3 031

By shyshy96679 - 20/06/2011 22:42 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 025

You deserved it 3 858

By duhitskelly94 - 24/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 813

You deserved it 57 197

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 23:26 - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 355

You deserved it 1 332

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 324

You deserved it 9 726

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 15:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 760

You deserved it 5 764

By dearme - 02/06/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 69 484

By Jayanka - 03/05/2018 05:00

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 581

By Nat - 13/09/2014 06:29 - United States - Frisco

Spicy

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 18 590

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 37 960

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 782

You deserved it 15 365

By MrG - 12/10/2014 03:14 - United States

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 809

You deserved it 2 842

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 1 649

By ollie_ollivia - 11/07/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 556

You deserved it 2 716

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 398

You deserved it 4 827

By AnonymousOne - 08/12/2016 10:57

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 974

You deserved it 621

By Speedy - 20/07/2010 13:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 616

You deserved it 40 955

By blah blah - 28/02/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 401

You deserved it 250

Deadly cocktail

By blame the maid - 13/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 125

Action - Reaction

By CaptBlood - 21/05/2021 00:01

Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 148

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 392

You deserved it 8 550

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 12:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 267

You deserved it 6 532

By Till We Pass Out - 03/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 607

You deserved it 5 271

Debate bro

By Fuck Trump. - 03/05/2021 14:01

Today, after a supervisor, who is a Donald Trump fanatic, kept pestering us with the subject, I decided to debate with him, never swearing or disrespecting him at all. I was fired, presumably for disrespecting a supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 306

You deserved it 3 557

By Nat3_2020 - 27/01/2015 14:02 - United States

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 3 722

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 04:36 - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 892

You deserved it 15 797

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why my girlfriend removed me from Facebook last week. Turns out she didn't want me to see pics of her with a new boyfriend. How I found out? My coworker, her new boyfriend, left his messenger open during lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 539

Photoshopped

By Noname - 18/02/2009 21:55 - United States

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 525

You deserved it 3 936

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 952

You deserved it 6 226

By gooddaydude - 04/04/2015 19:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 305

You deserved it 4 279

By bass - 22/09/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 384

You deserved it 2 889

By LibraryPedo - 26/04/2013 01:37 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 850

You deserved it 4 043

By anon - 31/07/2010 17:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my cat trying to mate with my favorite sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 6 962

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 136

By Down - 16/01/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 277

You deserved it 1 902

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 31 616

By knolan - 20/07/2011 04:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 275

You deserved it 5 794

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Saturday 5 January 2013 11:59

Everyone just has that one dirty uncle!

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:00

Unfriend him?

Comments

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Saturday 5 January 2013 11:59

Everyone just has that one dirty uncle!

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:18

The obvious solution would be to unfriend him unless your family has a rule about you keeping family members as friends?

SuperDanielNL 23

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Saturday 5 January 2013 13:11

Why in would a family have that as a rule? Everyone is free to choose his own friends, for instance I hate my uncle's guts why would I friend him?

megzaz 10

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Saturday 5 January 2013 14:20

Some parents think that if you refuse to add family it's because you've got something to hide.

SuperDanielNL 23

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Saturday 5 January 2013 15:18

So what, I'd say that it's my life. Besides if you really got things to hide, why put them on facebook?

chlorinegreen 27

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Saturday 5 January 2013 15:53

#12 OR you could tell your uncle it's annoying... OR you could just ignore them

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Saturday 5 January 2013 16:09

My mom had a rule a were I had to add her and keep her added... She didn't say shit about privacy setting.. Just a tip for some people..

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Saturday 5 January 2013 16:52

Actually I'm 18 And my dad basically forced me to friend my mom or else I get the car taken away. He must think I'm up to no good as I continue to do nothing but play black ops 2

SuperDanielNL 23

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Saturday 5 January 2013 16:56

If you pay for that car he can't legaly take it from you. On the other hand, if the car is his and you use it, he can make any dip-shit demand. Then again, have you got any reason not to friend your mom?

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 6 January 2013 5:15

Hey!.. I resemble this remark!

JustAGirlOnFML 11

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Sunday 6 January 2013 8:32

I don't.

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 11:53

I dont

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:00

Don't take it so hard, he's just being friendly

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:20

I think wildly inappropriate is closer to the mark.

Wishez 12

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Saturday 5 January 2013 14:35

I agree, sending people friend suggestions of people you meet on porn sites it incredibly friendly.

Metallica36176 16

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Saturday 5 January 2013 14:54

What kind of family do you have? Friendly uncles? Riiiiiiiiiight.

poccocurantes 7

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Saturday 5 January 2013 16:26

Maybe he just thinks you need to broaden your horizons. You know, get out and meet some new people, contract a few STDs. Oh the stories that man has.

MagicStallion 9

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Saturday 5 January 2013 17:14

Did anyone else see the pun? "Don't take it so hard" xD

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Saturday 5 January 2013 19:35

I did.

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:00

Unfriend him?

patrickalamo 47

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Saturday 5 January 2013 16:24

Or spam him back with people from the Jesus channel.

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:00

Show your mum or dad who evers brother it is and see what their reaction is lol

yup93 7

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:01

That 'block' button really comes in handy for situations like these. Family or not, that's just wrong.

tj5810 21

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Sunday 6 January 2013 14:50

Most names on my block list are blood relatives. You can't pick your family!

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:02

It's called the unfriendly or block button...

drkrissy1331 12

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:04

Block!!!!

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:04

Time to prove to him that you can make friends on your own...

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:05

This reminds me of how people have that one relative on Facebook that comments on or likes EVERYTHING you post.

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Saturday 5 January 2013 12:07

Maybe he's hinting that you are missing out on the action?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 70

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 43