Intimacy: Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away.... - FML

By dr.mantistobagon - United States - South Burlington

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

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Commando

Catching up

Send virtual hugs

By chocofreak - United States

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

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By wtfkasey - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Stranded

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

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By Marie - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

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By GrossedOut - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

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By dogdays - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles. FML

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By anon - Canada

Today, I walked in on my cat trying to mate with my favorite sweater. FML

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By looking4newvenue - United States

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

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By campus pussy - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By Groped - United States

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

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By snickerdoodles - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

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By xxbobsan - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

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By TwinDad - United States

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

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By Lor - Canada - Toronto

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

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By MistressSuzuka - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

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By needsnewshorts - United States - San Clemente

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

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By marie519 - United States

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

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By agnosticstudy - United States

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

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By Nomoreballs - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 02:00

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

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By sickday

Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML

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By AVeryConfusedGuy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

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By little tooth - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

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By kenabrookee - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

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By sportskidguru - United States

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

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By Chubby - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

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By sdeeter - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

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By dogwheels - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

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By cantdolife - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

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By LockedDown - 3/2/2021 23:03 - United States - Vancouver

Need warmth

Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML

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By growlr - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

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Top comments

By uniformed | 13

#6050380 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:41

Nice free porn!

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6050387 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Why are you complaining?

COMMENTS

By uniformed | 13

#6050380 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:41

Nice free porn!

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6050427 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:35

Hey, it's one way to go out with a bang.

Oh.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6051273 - Friday 29 August 2014 8:40

Talk about a Bad Grampa. The Viagra is coming next...

Reply

Blake77_fml | 19

#6051924 - Saturday 30 August 2014 2:41

*Replys to top comment to be seen*

And the problem is.....?

Reply

CaptainCola | 7

#6052253 - Saturday 30 August 2014 11:21

All the people that hit "you deserved it" are just encouraging you to keep the porn

By ArashiGirl | 13

#6050385 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Guess Grandpa wants you to have some fun

Reply

naajster | 14

#6050839 - Thursday 28 August 2014 23:15

it's a gift from the after life

Reply

ArashiGirl | 13

#6050923 - Friday 29 August 2014 1:03

It keeps on giving

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6050387 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Why are you complaining?

By TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6050388 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:46

This is almost as bad as the recent FML with the granny's dildo

By jubskant101 | 4

#6050389 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:48

It's a miracle!... Hmh porn from grampy...
This is better than the shit in his will! Lol :)

By SandyBella | 17

#6050390 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:48

Enjoy it while its there haha.

By miliaras93 | 17

#6050392 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:52

Good old granny porn xD

Reply

feelingold | 18

#6050612 - Thursday 28 August 2014 19:16

Who says old men have to like porn with old women?

Reply

miliaras93 | 17

#6051276 - Friday 29 August 2014 9:00

Its a fucking joke , but just think about it , and old man watching young girls have sex .. Hmm

By MandyMeow_fml | 18

#6050394 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:52

It's like he's still with you.. In a weird way that happens to involve porn.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6050706 - Thursday 28 August 2014 19:59

OP: (snif) I miss those days when gramps and I used to fap together.

Reply

Lanker | 17

#6050959 - Friday 29 August 2014 1:58

#39 OP is a girl, so thats kinda awkward...

Reply

that_band_nerd | 22

#6053562 - Monday 1 September 2014 2:56

I think it would be awkward no matter what OP's gender is.....

By Mobius638 | 8

#6050395 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:58

You'll always have something to remember him by.

By euphoricness | 28

#6050399 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:01

Which sites are they?

Reply

joemud | 13

#6050402 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:03

He gets them in the mail, so magazines or DVDs

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#6050423 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:28

does it really matter what kind?

Reply

MAD01502 | 20

#6050450 - Thursday 28 August 2014 14:35

who are you to complain?!