Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away.... - FML

By dr.mantistobagon - 27/8/2014 22:03 - United States - South Burlington

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

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Proactive

In my day…

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By mrrichkid - 6/3/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

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By =( - 15/2/2015 14:52 - Australia

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

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By teeeessst - 13/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

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By 360whoroscoped - 16/1/2015 18:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

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By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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By Me - 11/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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By Bloop - 14/5/2016 00:58 - United States - Ayer

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

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By tattooooooface - 28/1/2010 13:08 - United States

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

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By charmed - 12/8/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

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By forewhatnow - 7/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

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By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 06:52 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

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By terrified - 9/8/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

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By EB - 6/11/2012 01:01 - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I asked my parents if they'd pay for me to go to the eye doctor and consider it my Christmas present. FML

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By ulisha5 - 2/8/2013 21:54 - Bulgaria - Burgas

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

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By hannahisacooler - 16/7/2013 23:41 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 16:00

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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By airplanes-suck - 21/8/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year old daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "the talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

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By u raised him - 10/2/2018 01:30

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 18:00 - United States

The one that got away

Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML

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By buggermonster - 16/6/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

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By creepedoutlady - 16/8/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

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By Doubleyew1 - 2/8/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

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By Jesse - 1/8/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

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By Radgirl - 28/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By failed - 23/2/2011 10:06 - Switzerland

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

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By madfather - 23/2/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

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By m - 9/9/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

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By anon - 9/7/2011 04:48 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

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By fml - 13/11/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

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By single - 27/3/2020 05:15 - Canada

The Boxer

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I checked the box with the ring to make sure it was still there, and saw a piece of paper in it. It said, "No." FML

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By Kirta - 9/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

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By jodulieu - 2/9/2010 02:31 - France

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

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By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

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By Noname - 11/3/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

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Top comments

By uniformed | 13

#6050380 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:41

Nice free porn!

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6050387 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Why are you complaining?

COMMENTS

By uniformed | 13

#6050380 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:41

Nice free porn!

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6050427 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:35

Hey, it's one way to go out with a bang.

Oh.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6051273 - Friday 29 August 2014 8:40

Talk about a Bad Grampa. The Viagra is coming next...

Reply

Blake77_fml | 19

#6051924 - Saturday 30 August 2014 2:41

*Replys to top comment to be seen*

And the problem is.....?

Reply

CaptainCola | 7

#6052253 - Saturday 30 August 2014 11:21

All the people that hit "you deserved it" are just encouraging you to keep the porn

By ArashiGirl | 13

#6050385 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Guess Grandpa wants you to have some fun

Reply

naajster | 14

#6050839 - Thursday 28 August 2014 23:15

it's a gift from the after life

Reply

ArashiGirl | 13

#6050923 - Friday 29 August 2014 1:03

It keeps on giving

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6050387 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:45

Why are you complaining?

By TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6050388 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:46

This is almost as bad as the recent FML with the granny's dildo

By jubskant101 | 4

#6050389 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:48

It's a miracle!... Hmh porn from grampy...
This is better than the shit in his will! Lol :)

By SandyBella | 17

#6050390 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:48

Enjoy it while its there haha.

By miliaras93 | 17

#6050392 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:52

Good old granny porn xD

Reply

feelingold | 18

#6050612 - Thursday 28 August 2014 19:16

Who says old men have to like porn with old women?

Reply

miliaras93 | 17

#6051276 - Friday 29 August 2014 9:00

Its a fucking joke , but just think about it , and old man watching young girls have sex .. Hmm

By MandyMeow_fml | 18

#6050394 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:52

It's like he's still with you.. In a weird way that happens to involve porn.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6050706 - Thursday 28 August 2014 19:59

OP: (snif) I miss those days when gramps and I used to fap together.

Reply

Lanker | 17

#6050959 - Friday 29 August 2014 1:58

#39 OP is a girl, so thats kinda awkward...

Reply

that_band_nerd | 22

#6053562 - Monday 1 September 2014 2:56

I think it would be awkward no matter what OP's gender is.....

By Mobius638 | 8

#6050395 - Thursday 28 August 2014 12:58

You'll always have something to remember him by.

By euphoricness | 28

#6050399 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:01

Which sites are they?

Reply

joemud | 13

#6050402 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:03

He gets them in the mail, so magazines or DVDs

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#6050423 - Thursday 28 August 2014 13:28

does it really matter what kind?

Reply

MAD01502 | 20

#6050450 - Thursday 28 August 2014 14:35

who are you to complain?!