Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not...

By notsosmart - 6/3/2011 11:28 - Australia

Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37161

You deserved it

4479

Favorite

Money

Rich people problems

Business savvy

Higher standards

By spitballer1 - 6/7/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49098

You deserved it

28980

Favorite

By AV - 30/1/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19010

You deserved it

5949

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2011 13:39 - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18887

You deserved it

10289

Favorite

By wtf did i do?? - 11/1/2013 22:22 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34200

You deserved it

3225

Favorite

By Female - 12/2/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I went to a conference for work. When I got there I sat beside a woman about my age. She immediately got up and moved to the opposite side of the room. We were the only two there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24563

You deserved it

6108

Favorite

By herpderp - 11/2/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43269

You deserved it

3580

Favorite

By Birthday1313 - 15/7/2019 12:10

Today, my mother learned a new expression and uses it in every sentence. Her special, new expression is "boom diggity." It's apparently "hip." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1387

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By KenzoBVB - 2/9/2015 03:55 - Canada

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25006

You deserved it

1712

Favorite

By NotYourDaddy - 8/8/2017 00:31

Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6281

You deserved it

530

Favorite

By Ahook1 - 23/8/2010 23:31 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20233

You deserved it

53830

Favorite

By its_all_legit - 19/3/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18422

You deserved it

127463

Favorite

By areyoukiddingme - 7/1/2013 06:09 - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31345

You deserved it

6621

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me a chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2900

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By wasted_life - 18/1/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I got demoted at my job. Instead of working with patients, they want me to file. The thing is, I'm a volunteer; I work for them for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22929

You deserved it

3713

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43113

You deserved it

2558

Favorite

By Polmkk - 14/2/2019 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30591

You deserved it

5412

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57802

You deserved it

8356

Favorite

By uglyswimmer - 23/4/2009 01:58 - United States

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her "that guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, thats my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said "EW." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57388

You deserved it

7691

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2015 16:18 - Denmark - K?ge

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23549

You deserved it

1926

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/7/2012 20:26 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28420

You deserved it

3104

Favorite

By juliestrawsky - 5/8/2019 04:00

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

You deserved it

523

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46301

You deserved it

15115

Favorite

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 4/7/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65226

You deserved it

12287

Favorite

By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/2/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9321

You deserved it

54617

Favorite

By Crazy Cat Guy - 9/1/2015 06:44 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32323

You deserved it

4367

Favorite

By luceeloo - 23/11/2016 22:10

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11116

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By collegestudent - 1/6/2019 12:00

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1864

You deserved it

273

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23065

You deserved it

48067

Favorite

By Embarrassed Swimmer - 11/12/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30675

You deserved it

18485

Favorite

By Anonameow - 15/3/2016 18:42 - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19600

You deserved it

1604

Favorite

By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Early wake-up

Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1665

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By aubrey - 14/10/2017 01:30

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3093

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Oh. - 23/7/2019 02:00

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

581

You deserved it

2295

Favorite

By Nearly blind - 7/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2789

You deserved it

564

Favorite

By Donnie - 18/7/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2324

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By AHHH_REPTAR - 23/6/2016 04:54 - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12519

You deserved it

1368

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 03:58 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7087

You deserved it

36421

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49614

You deserved it

10883

Favorite

By bdiddy - 11/7/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39633

You deserved it

11311

Favorite

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31488

You deserved it

2086

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pattheaninal | 9

#2156225 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:18

wow. your son is dumb.

By young_al | 4

#2156244 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:20

Sucks for you, make him work and pay for it himself!

COMMENTS

By evan_789 | 7

#2156222 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:18

first?

Rebi3144 | 8

#2156242 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:19

Damn you D:

Zmeilerr | 22

#2156251 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:20

No one cares. Now go back to your bridge, troll.

Zmeilerr | 22

#2156253 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:20

No one cares. Now go back to your bridge, troll.

Themuffinman728 | 0

#2156655 - Sunday 6 March 2011 21:22

Makes perfect sense. I don't see the problem here.

By pattheaninal | 9

#2156225 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:18

wow. your son is dumb.

Kurtis123 | 0

#2156368 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:45

What are you talking about, his son is a genius! *sarcasm*

Achead | 0

#2156665 - Sunday 6 March 2011 21:28

Very

froob | 0

#2156689 - Sunday 6 March 2011 21:37

Fo'real

persianjr1 | 7

#2156791 - Sunday 6 March 2011 22:32

your kid has a strong throw!! haha. two windows?

Morenna4 | 0

#2157165 - Monday 7 March 2011 1:33

lol , actually thts pretty smart lol .

theten_fml | 9

#2157632 - Monday 7 March 2011 5:55

congratulations! it's an idiot

spearhead | 5

#2157660 - Monday 7 March 2011 6:15

86 op lives in Australia football is our soccer not American football

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2161025 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 6:23

Think it's time for the comparison between stupidity and football, sí?

CalebEatsZombies | 2

#3728003 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:28

Fucking ball has a boomerang in it

By ramboman19 | 8

#2156239 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:20

kids do the darndest things!

By young_al | 4

#2156244 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:20

Sucks for you, make him work and pay for it himself!

By RealChinese | 7

#2156258 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:21

your dumb if you didnt make him pay for it or at least not give him allowance or w.e if you do until it adds up to 800$

liindsey | 25

#2156311 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:31

You're dumb if you don't know that the dollar sign goes in front of the money amount.

And by the way? It's "You're* dumb" not "your dumb" for future reference.

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2156378 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:46

Yeah get him 19!! Show him what proper grammar looks like!

breenntt | 0

#2156756 - Sunday 6 March 2011 22:13

First off, some countries in Europe do the currency sign after the number because you don't say "Dollars eight-hundred".

john7h567hgrd | 0

#2157116 - Monday 7 March 2011 1:10

Ya but this is America where our grammar makes no fucking sense... so up yours!!

RealChinese | 7

#2157307 - Monday 7 March 2011 2:44

my bad i didn't know i was writing an essay for school sorry teach

ForeverAloneGuy | 1

#2157411 - Monday 7 March 2011 3:40

Can't you read? He's a real Chinese, he doesn't care about non-mandarin grammar.

andinho | 0

#2157652 - Monday 7 March 2011 6:10

his allowance would need to be pretty big to pay it off

lmfao_shame | 9

#2157654 - Monday 7 March 2011 6:11

LOL GOOD ONE

spearhead | 5

#2157662 - Monday 7 March 2011 6:18

hi 122 :)

PushMyButtons | 5

#2157758 - Monday 7 March 2011 8:02

crap it was 101 still. I love it.

always_smile_fml | 3

#2158094 - Monday 7 March 2011 9:41

you're sad

ligerzz | 0

#2159147 - Monday 7 March 2011 17:05

19, it's "And by the way,", not a question mark tyvm.

TYDIRocks | 2

#2159560 - Monday 7 March 2011 20:25

If it was an allowance wouldn't it still be coming out of OP's pocket? lol

By stun23 | 8

#2156260 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:22

:((( dang

By demetrius19 | 7

#2156266 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:22

u need to beat the hell out of him because thats the stupidest hing i ever heard.

newfiegirl | 8

#2156324 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:34

someone needs to beat the hell outta you, for even saying they should beat the kid.. you have issues.

ScuseMePrincess | 2

#2156408 - Sunday 6 March 2011 19:52

There's nothing wrong with beating a bad kid. Obviously, you shouldn't strike a child with a clenched fist, but spanking never hurt anybody.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#2156458 - Sunday 6 March 2011 20:08

Except the people getting spanked.

o76923 | 8

#2156489 - Sunday 6 March 2011 20:19

and all the people the spanked kid eventually beats up because they are taught violence is an appropriate response to anger.

newfiegirl | 8

#2156988 - Sunday 6 March 2011 23:57

spanking and beating are two different things..
10 clearly said "beat the hell" out of hiim.. obviously abuse.

iluffmcrandbvb | 1

#2157564 - Monday 7 March 2011 4:53

oh yeah spanking never hurt anybody except for the person that got spanked. ppl who abuse kids are horrible, vile people.

Grimmerie | 31

#2158193 - Monday 7 March 2011 10:28

i was spanked as a kid. as a result, i know if i fuck around i'll be punished. i have never, would never, and will never wilfully cause harm to befall another human being or animal. spanking =/= child abuse.

Dragons_corner | 6

#2158511 - Monday 7 March 2011 13:00

I was spanked and I don't go beating people up. I plan on spanking mine too.

also 96 I believe 56 might be right. I say to my parents and they say it to "I would gave beat the shut out of you" and they and me mean spank.

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2159366 - Monday 7 March 2011 19:09

This is why I dislike freedom of speech. Everything on FML turns into a huge, neverending internet argument. Stop stating your opinions people, nobody cares.