Health: Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

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Health

Rock, hard place

Late term

Triage

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

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By single once again - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

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30286

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By kenken5

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

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2178

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339

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By cheeseburglar_9000 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

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36682

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By absense - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13496

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By DarkSerebii - United States

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45743

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3628

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By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

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43667

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By girl - United States

Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33212

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6418

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By pandasbear - United States

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

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22793

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By Anonymous

Loser

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

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By lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

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By Evil_Angel_90 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

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42931

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By Username - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12990

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By shitfaced - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

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22573

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By couchsurfer - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11028

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By Teeny

gross

Today, my creepy co-worker informed me that he was going to stick his "peeny-weeny" in my "teeny-vageeny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5857

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378

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By Himynameisjacob - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33469

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By Anonymous

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

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4516

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By blawbo - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

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58546

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By reluctant teacher - United States - Clarksville

School's out for summer, thank God!

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1649

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By BearGrillz - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36239

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By NoValentine - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

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35519

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By luckygirl

Today, I have a bad cold, so I've been carrying tissues around with me. I noticed our puppy had pooped on the floor, so I grabbed a napkin and cleaned it up, then threw it away. I then blew my nose with my tissue. Apparently, I threw away my tissue and used the napkin. FML

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1609

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30517

You deserved it

4344

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By Username - United States

Today, I got an anonymous letter, stating my condo's community and all my neighbors can hear me having sex. Not only that, but kids gather around my window to listen. FML

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18621

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By Superman - United States - Bellflower

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

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24006

You deserved it

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By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Spreading

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

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870

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108

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

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1130

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By fatface - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

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58040

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By DanniRae - United States

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35231

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By dole_out_the_fml - Canada

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

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59128

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By couldntholdit - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

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43296

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By Brayden - Australia - Crib Point

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24213

You deserved it

1743

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By mr_cheese - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17436

You deserved it

40032

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By Cliché... or Touché?

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36691

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By Yudor - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26382

You deserved it

2417

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By lprocter1982 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36304

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By Hatemyjobbb

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

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3831

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By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

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Top comments

By Salaminizer | 0

#1033516 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:51

When they're gone, sneeze on everything they own, sleep in their beds, etc. So when they get back, YOU can go to the beach and THEY can be sick.

By terror_twins | 0

#1033480 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:31

Your family is fucking horrible. Get a new one. hahaha.

COMMENTS

By ltrtbt666 | 0

#1033405 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:03

haha you suck

MrLefty | 8

#1033414 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:07

I'm sorry OP. FYL for sure. sucks that everyone else decided to go without you.

noshatsherlockk | 15

#1033436 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:13

fyl. find a new family(:

marinus_fml | 19

#1033447 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:16

fyl if the only time you get to go down to the beach is on your birthday!!

ruby84 | 1

#1033459 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:23

op if no one had said yet, then I'm telling you. SUCK IT UP PRINCESS!

arc794 | 0

#1033498 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:41

Your family wouldn't even stay home with you on your birthday? I agree with 1, you must really suck.

banders234 | 0

#1033599 - Thursday 17 June 2010 11:37

ydi for not getting a flu shot

ladiesman14 | 0

#1033617 - Thursday 17 June 2010 12:43

flu shot

lizamaphone | 6

#1033688 - Thursday 17 June 2010 14:54

fyl, but if your parents had already planned the trip why do you expect them to cancel it just for you?

Dizzygrl08 | 4

#1033715 - Thursday 17 June 2010 15:50

Wow, your family are assholes. Sorry OP, you can always have the dog piss on their bed or have sex in it!!! lol

marylovesyou8D | 7

#1033771 - Thursday 17 June 2010 16:36

awww. :( happy birthday, though.....

(:

zach055 | 23

#1033860 - Thursday 17 June 2010 17:56

FYL

rudiznell | 0

#1033887 - Thursday 17 June 2010 18:27

FAKE AND GAY

AlbinoMoose987 | 14

#6676827 - Tuesday 23 August 2016 19:57

#38 - I still got the flu after a flu shot, it was mild but it still happened

By damnitcarl | 0

#1033409 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:05

u shulda charged them lol but fyl op

kayladance101 | 13

#1033644 - Thursday 17 June 2010 13:29

what?

eehizle | 0

#1034416 - Friday 18 June 2010 3:09

what?

By teffyweffy | 6

#1033420 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:08

happy birthday

ARScratch | 0

#1033533 - Thursday 17 June 2010 10:02

Why hello, 6. Lol :P

JeffGoesRawrr | 0

#1033646 - Thursday 17 June 2010 13:37

Happy Birthday.!! ;DD

By Mikeymikey | 4

#1033428 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:11

OP, just throw a house party with all your friends!!... and your dog!!

By sweetdreams999 | 0

#1033429 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:11

that sucks OP :(

By porkchopsammich | 0

#1033431 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:12

Watching a dog seems more appealing than goin to the beach in my opinion.

By heyygirll | 0

#1033445 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:15

suuucckkksss forrrr youuu lozerrr ps all of you that previously commented are ugly I'm the only hot one ha ha. ha. ha hahahah

porkchopsammich | 0

#1033448 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:16

Nies grammer skiilz

spzb | 3

#1033449 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:17

put up a pick then heyygirl. otherwise........

ruby84 | 1

#1033462 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:24

prove it. show us how you look like, ugly!

chocolatejuggalo | 0

#1033474 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:28

I hate when people type like that. and I bet your totally smokin, "heygirll"...

By PeaceLoveAmelia6 | 0

#1033461 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:24

Yuck.
...My parents nearly did this to me when I was sick two weeks ago...

ruby84 | 1

#1033472 - Thursday 17 June 2010 9:27

oohh no they didn't!!! are you serious?
woow i'm speechless! how could they!! how mean of them!!
ah!! I can't beleive all the torture and the pain you went through. poor you!