Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend still hangs out with her "abusive, violent, psychotic, misogynistic, manipulative" ex. I told her to block him and she pitched a mega tantrum. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
Then you'll know the debt is paid ??
pastel_fml 18
She must relate to the nastiness that is Cersei at the very least with that quote.
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Comments (69)
Silk_Routes 14
turn into the game mode...u lucky bastard...UDI
Pharmkitty 11
If she is anything like Cersei... Run. Run far away!
BlueXephos 10
Or contact your nearest faith militant.
Pharmkitty 11
We can only hope the nearest high sparrow steps in.
joe3_fml 15
Guess that answers the question of who wears the pants in the relationship.
Noreason89 6
Not really
joe3_fml 15
Please elaborate further.
Jirekianu2 19
who's in charge in a relationship isn't based on who assaults and threatens who. that just indicates who is an abusive piece of garbage.
joe3_fml 15
Pretty sure the person who uses violence and force on the other person in the relationship is usually the one who wears the pants in the relationship.
Matheo_fml 21
Is she practicing Krav Maga?
Jirekianu2 19
I'd contact the police for an order of protection. she's threatened and assaulted you. abuse is abuse no matter who commits it.
dudeofawe 15
Definitely agree. People seem to be not taking this seriously, but personally if I were the guy in that situation, I'd contact the police.
orsombre_fml 11
I totally agree. OP, contact the police and make sure they give you back some evidence you did it. It is important, especially she had obviously anger issues that you have some restraining order against her.
Enkeria 30
Restraining order? That bitch is psycho!
Bibblejomin 18
And then you pressed charges for assault, right?
thesmeagol 22
Throw her through the moon door.
MrThump 16
Knee to the nuts is never fun. Hope you can walk ok bud.
MadInTheMorning 10
You have to give her credit for taste of quotes though.