Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend still hangs out with her "abusive, violent, psychotic, misogynistic, manipulative" ex. I told her to block him and she pitched a mega tantrum. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
Then you'll know the debt is paid ??
pastel_fml 18
She must relate to the nastiness that is Cersei at the very least with that quote.
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Comments (69)
BlueXephos 10
Go Ramsay Bolton on the bitch! Sansa way or Reek way doesn't matter.
knightmareengage 16
You know nothing john snow..
RabbitOfAurora 28
As someone who has never seen game of thrones, I was going to say maybe you made a mistake dumping her because that was very eloquent and that's hard to find in people. You made the right call though. A volatile, violent and unoriginal Ex definitely earns you a FML OP.
TheLadyOpal 30
No, it shouldn't matter whether or not she's eloquent with her own words. She threatened him. Leaving that situation is never a mistake.
Krwman 8
I think this woman has hostility issues. Your best hope is that she can suppress them long enough to ensnare some other clueless/gullible dupe.
Sathane 21
That's when you headbutt the **** dead centre in her face.
orsombre_fml 11
Sure. He does that and then SHE presses charges and HE is in trouble.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
lanisters I tell you what.
worldclassrager 41
I think her using that quote makes the kick uncalled for...
THEDUDE1553566 24
This made me laugh so hard, I'm sorry op at least you left she is a crazy bitch
Britt125 16
Hmmm I wonder why you dumped her...
rafa015 20
you forgot the one rule after a break up...just leave before she tears you apart and you also never talk back to a girl after a threat