Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend still hangs out with her "abusive, violent, psychotic, misogynistic, manipulative" ex. I told her to block him and she pitched a mega tantrum. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
Then you'll know the debt is paid ??
pastel_fml 18
She must relate to the nastiness that is Cersei at the very least with that quote.
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Comments (69)
olillia 16
Everyone keeps commenting about Cersei... It was definitely Tyrion that said this quote. No big deal.
cfett199 8
No day like today. Well at least now you're safe right? You thought you were safe, and while I've never had ash in my mouth, I'm sure its close to being knee'd in the groin.
Abhinow 7
She may have borrowed the words but her deed was original
Wakachulak 22
Original? Knee to the nuts is a classic girl move.
josace 9
You know, it sucks, but that's kinda awesome haha. But I am sorry about all that
Quasars 10
Its ironic that I noted Game of Thrones in the comment before this on a different FML.
quackImapenguin 16
Given that you're the kind of guy who calls your ex "psycho" ydi
TheLadyOpal 30
Some people deserve to be called psycho.
Lilkat39 5
I'm not a fan of labeling women psycho, it's used far too often and mostly unwarranted, but you sir have a real dyed in the wool psycho on your hands. Good riddance crazy bitch!!
mccrightp 29
Did telling that make you "relaxed and happy"?
jezka374 15
Never insult a pissed off woman...
vlalam 24
See.. U didn't see that one coming..