Health: Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

hahaha #1 made me legit lmao. haha and it's better cause he's the first comment and not some fag who just said first. well played good sir, well played.

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Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 895

You deserved it 5 307

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 557

You deserved it 10 695

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 030

You deserved it 17 332

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 733

You deserved it 286

Today, half-asleep, I stumbled into the bathroom in the dark. I didn’t notice my boyfriend had yet again left the toilet seat up. I sat down, fell halfway in, screamed, and in my panic flushed the toilet with my phone in my hand. Goodbye, my little Samsung friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 359

Today, I have a rowdy toddler who will run off if I'm not watching her like a hawk. I got sick of it and bought a tether for her. It works wonderfully, but now I get judgmental stares and nasty comments about "putting a child on a leash like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 123