Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a... - FML

By soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass - 23/1/2016 07:49 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

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Instadrama

Banished

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By fatpooch - 13/5/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

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By NoBasement4U - 26/11/2015 20:24 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

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By Matthew - 4/7/2018 22:30

Today, during science, my friend thought it would be funny to pour corrosive acids into the reaction test I was making. I had to explain to my parents why I have no eyebrows, but the worst part is that I only got a D. FML

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By ouch - 28/4/2012 06:54 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2015 18:04 - United States - Milton

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

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By Me - 11/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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By welly223 - 20/1/2011 06:01 - Canada

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

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By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

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By MikeA - 9/6/2017 12:00

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

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By Anon - 28/5/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

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By Heartbroken - 20/1/2009 15:16 - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

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By partycats - 23/7/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

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By anonymous - 20/11/2011 11:31 - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

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By jaymash - 22/10/2011 13:25 - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

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By Noname - 4/2/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

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By Savannah - 15/6/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

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By Lame - 10/7/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

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By John - 24/6/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

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By breathexali - 24/7/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

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By badidea - 23/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - 28/1/2010 17:27 - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Sam - 2/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

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By sad-sexed - 6/9/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

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By - 26/4/2019 18:00

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

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By Bella - 26/10/2018 03:00

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

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By fuck the fucking cops - 16/3/2012 18:41 - Belgium

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:50 - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

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Top comments

By Rich531 | 21

#6518191 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

"Yeah after the aliens broke in they started punching things and that's why there are dents in the ceiling"

By ThePerry | 23

#6518198 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Even if they were annoying, pounding on the ceiling is a stupid idea, and might get them pissed off at you since they aren't in the greatest mood. However, explaining that to your landlord, sheesh, that really sucks. YDI & YLS

COMMENTS

By cassidyfaber | 5

#6518190 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:15

Why didn't you stop after the first hole?

Reply

Curtis66 | 19

#6518196 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:17

hitting the ceiling with both hands at once maybe?

Reply

Rich531 | 21

#6518212 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:25

I have a feeling it went along the lines of, "but wait there's more"

Reply

dragoongirl90 | 34

#6518305 - Sunday 24 January 2016 3:45

That's what she said.

By Rich531 | 21

#6518191 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

"Yeah after the aliens broke in they started punching things and that's why there are dents in the ceiling"

By hugoni2000 | 20

#6518192 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

You should have had it recorded so you have some proof that they were making noises way too late. Still sucks OP

Reply

theblondeone | 16

#6518257 - Sunday 24 January 2016 2:01

That's no excuse for pounding on the ceiling. If OP was irritated with the neighbors, he should have been an adult, knocked on their door, and politely ask them to lower the noise level. Problem solved.

Reply

ChelseaTheEnchan | 7

#6518787 - Sunday 24 January 2016 19:14

And if that didn't work, call the police with a noise complaint. OP needs to learn how to be an adult. YDI

By Curtis66 | 19

#6518193 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

well, you shouldn't have hit your ceiling so hard.

By sleepwalker13 | 25

#6518195 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:17

Nice user name.

Reply

Dilexar | 26

#6518529 - Sunday 24 January 2016 10:42

Didn't even notice till I read the comments XD

By ThePerry | 23

#6518198 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Even if they were annoying, pounding on the ceiling is a stupid idea, and might get them pissed off at you since they aren't in the greatest mood. However, explaining that to your landlord, sheesh, that really sucks. YDI & YLS

By pop17123 | 19

#6518199 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Should have used a broom or went to their apartment personally. YDI

By MyUsernameisEpic | 29

#6518202 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:19

If you had the energy to stand up and pound on your ceiling with such force, would it have been too much to go upstairs, knock on their door, and ask them politely to keep the noise down?

Reply

weatherxveins | 29

#6518248 - Sunday 24 January 2016 1:39

I think it's probably less about energy and more about wanting to avoid confrontation.

Reply

MyUsernameisEpic | 29

#6518256 - Sunday 24 January 2016 2:00

True. It was foolish of me to assume that since OP could boldly pound holes into their ceiling to shut up their neighbors, they would also have the bravery to ask said neighbors to quiet down in person.

By dracolich | 27

#6518205 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:20

If you were too scared to go there and ask them to stop you could always call the cops with a noise complaint. /shrug

Reply

igive | 28

#6518318 - Sunday 24 January 2016 4:27

No! That makes too much sense.

By trellz17 | 19

#6518217 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:30

Next time, record the fight and how loud it is. Take it to your landlord or the police, for proof of how disrupting they are.

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6518328 - Sunday 24 January 2016 4:46

That doesn't solve the holes in the ceiling. Just because someone is loud doesn't mean you punch holes into the ceiling.

Reply

trellz17 | 19

#6518449 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:19

Noooo shit! If he has a reason to go to the landlord or the police then he won't have to bang on anything anymore, because the neighbors would've stopped being so loud.