Intimacy: Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a... - FML

By soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Mind control

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By poop_mcqueen - United States

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

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By FirstDaddy - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

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By FastTurtle9 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

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By Ignored - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

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By Cheated - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

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By Murphy’s Law - 4/3/2021 20:01 - United States - Troy

Operation time!

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

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By gettinghotinhere - United States - San Francisco

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

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By notyouraverage

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

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By addie - United States

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

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By skreweduP - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

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By Samantha

Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

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By snorlax - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

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By NAT - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Sounds like a keeper, actually

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

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By Anonymous

Decisions, decisions

Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face and he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

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By Sadboy - United States

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

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By hitchcock2013 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

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By ewww - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

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By ev_lyn_aw

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

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By notmarriedyet - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

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By Jaymail - 17/5/2020 17:00

You snooze, you lose

Today, I saw some really nice dining room chairs sitting out on the curb waiting for the garbage man. I went to the door to ask the owners why they were throwing them out. They told me it was because they had just bought new furniture. While I was talking to the owner, somebody else picked them up. FML

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By For - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

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By bowler99 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

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By ahhhhhh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

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By mizzleshizzle - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

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By sleepy - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

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By Wreet - United States

Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

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By AJL - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

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By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

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Top comments

By Rich531 | 21

#6518191 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

"Yeah after the aliens broke in they started punching things and that's why there are dents in the ceiling"

By ThePerry | 23

#6518198 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Even if they were annoying, pounding on the ceiling is a stupid idea, and might get them pissed off at you since they aren't in the greatest mood. However, explaining that to your landlord, sheesh, that really sucks. YDI & YLS

COMMENTS

By cassidyfaber | 5

#6518190 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:15

Why didn't you stop after the first hole?

Reply

Curtis66 | 19

#6518196 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:17

hitting the ceiling with both hands at once maybe?

Reply

Rich531 | 21

#6518212 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:25

I have a feeling it went along the lines of, "but wait there's more"

Reply

dragoongirl90 | 34

#6518305 - Sunday 24 January 2016 3:45

That's what she said.

By Rich531 | 21

#6518191 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

"Yeah after the aliens broke in they started punching things and that's why there are dents in the ceiling"

By hugoni2000 | 20

#6518192 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

You should have had it recorded so you have some proof that they were making noises way too late. Still sucks OP

Reply

theblondeone | 16

#6518257 - Sunday 24 January 2016 2:01

That's no excuse for pounding on the ceiling. If OP was irritated with the neighbors, he should have been an adult, knocked on their door, and politely ask them to lower the noise level. Problem solved.

Reply

ChelseaTheEnchan | 7

#6518787 - Sunday 24 January 2016 19:14

And if that didn't work, call the police with a noise complaint. OP needs to learn how to be an adult. YDI

By Curtis66 | 19

#6518193 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:16

well, you shouldn't have hit your ceiling so hard.

By sleepwalker13 | 25

#6518195 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:17

Nice user name.

Reply

Dilexar | 26

#6518529 - Sunday 24 January 2016 10:42

Didn't even notice till I read the comments XD

By ThePerry | 23

#6518198 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Even if they were annoying, pounding on the ceiling is a stupid idea, and might get them pissed off at you since they aren't in the greatest mood. However, explaining that to your landlord, sheesh, that really sucks. YDI & YLS

By pop17123 | 19

#6518199 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:18

Should have used a broom or went to their apartment personally. YDI

By MyUsernameisEpic | 29

#6518202 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:19

If you had the energy to stand up and pound on your ceiling with such force, would it have been too much to go upstairs, knock on their door, and ask them politely to keep the noise down?

Reply

weatherxveins | 29

#6518248 - Sunday 24 January 2016 1:39

I think it's probably less about energy and more about wanting to avoid confrontation.

Reply

MyUsernameisEpic | 29

#6518256 - Sunday 24 January 2016 2:00

True. It was foolish of me to assume that since OP could boldly pound holes into their ceiling to shut up their neighbors, they would also have the bravery to ask said neighbors to quiet down in person.

By dracolich | 27

#6518205 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:20

If you were too scared to go there and ask them to stop you could always call the cops with a noise complaint. /shrug

Reply

igive | 29

#6518318 - Sunday 24 January 2016 4:27

No! That makes too much sense.

By trellz17 | 19

#6518217 - Sunday 24 January 2016 0:30

Next time, record the fight and how loud it is. Take it to your landlord or the police, for proof of how disrupting they are.

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6518328 - Sunday 24 January 2016 4:46

That doesn't solve the holes in the ceiling. Just because someone is loud doesn't mean you punch holes into the ceiling.

Reply

trellz17 | 19

#6518449 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:19

Noooo shit! If he has a reason to go to the landlord or the police then he won't have to bang on anything anymore, because the neighbors would've stopped being so loud.