Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my mom’s rescue dog snarled at me in an especially nasty way when I passed his bed. Turns out he stole mom’s purse, opened the zipper, and was now lying in a cozy nest of paper money. He was not at all amused by us trying to steal his treasure back. FML
Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML
Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML
Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML
Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and spent an hour tracking down the owner. When I finally returned it, he opened it, counted the cash in front of me, and asked if I was sure there hadn't been more money in it. FML
Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML
Today, I was cleaning my apartment when I found a €20 note underneath the sofa cushion. I was pretty happy until I remembered I'd lost €20 a few days earlier and spent an hour looking for it. I'd finally found my own money and felt lucky about it. FML
Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML
Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML
Today, I lost my wallet while out shopping. Panicked, I retraced my steps and found it at a store, turned in by an employee. Grateful, I opened it to find a note that read, "We left the money but took one dollar for karma." I checked. They did actually take one dollar. FML
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Top comments
hedgerow 0
dude your dog could've been killed.
alkanechain 0
Your mom is an idiot. Whether or not you deserved losing your money, the puppy doesn't deserve having all those plastic shards tearing through his system.
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Comments (130)
Blue_Coconuts 7
Be glad you only had 60 in there, you could have had more, and actually gotten it stolen. Seriously, you keep ID's, address, etc in a wallet you shouldn't leave it around. It's just dumb.
Kylias 6
Nice use of capslock. It is English.
PhoenixFiend 0
Maybe she kept it lol. Do you know for sure that the puppy ate it?
Belief_fml 0
Bet you never leave your wallet lying somewhere again...
stef1330 0
you diserve it fir not bein american
Lg11 3
Retard much?
Ty_The_Man13 0
You misspelled Deserve, and for and being.
nice18 0
Possibly the stupidest thing anyone has ever said.
taycandy96 2
And she forgot to capitalize American.
Taylorfacepwns 0
and forgot the period.
Shokz992 0
Capitalise* full stop* Jeez, you Americans don't know much English, do you ;) England <3
nelleyyy 0
Hate to be an absolute retard hey!
stgeorge 0
Shokz is refering to real English. From England. The original and best. Where we spell it capitalise and call it a full stop. and they're clearly having a laugh when they're saying it. Get a grip on yourself.
jessamused 0
good gosh, I hope American English isn't going to take over the world, though if SHE has anything to do with it. It's almost like when i logged onto FB in the UK after being in the US and it asked me if it wanted me to translate to British English.... I thought thats what i had been using... or- at the very least the slightly less bastardised- Australian English. Where we too spell it Capitalise. and call it a full stop. stupid american english. now, let the teenage language nazi please feel free to correct my grammar with the knowledge that i will not be checking back, as i never do. XD Colour.
idkweird 0
Agreed! Expensive lesson, but one well worth learning.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
#19 Thanks for repeating my comment almost word for word! I'd always thought this site was big enough for an echo, but never as big as you!
celtics734 2
consider it a Life Tax
Ajjas013 6
Woah, can he eat a **** magazine? I'm having a hard time deciding where I should stash them.
alkanechain 0
Your mom is an idiot. Whether or not you deserved losing your money, the puppy doesn't deserve having all those plastic shards tearing through his system.
kazumaslayer666 3
I would take your dog to the vet if he really managed to eat shards of your debit cards. I wouldn't want his insides damaged. if he just chewed them I guess it'll be ok.