Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl.... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

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Instadrama

Mixed signals

Minefield

By Idiot - 26/5/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2016 17:32 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 20:29 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

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By M. Night Shytefuck - 20/1/2015 22:52 - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

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By Ouch - 6/3/2017 22:00 - United States - Amelia

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

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By Anonyme - 27/3/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

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By busrides - 24/12/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

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By tax-man - 2/3/2013 02:35 - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

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By Shiet - 10/2/2016 04:08 - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

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By chairlee - 7/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By Kurt's Dad - 15/5/2019 16:04

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

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By Kaboom - 21/4/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

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By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

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By highlycontagious - 22/2/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

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By Good Parenting? - 26/6/2015 16:38 - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

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By Banana_Lord - 11/9/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

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By A_W - 6/7/2018 19:00

Today, in desperate need of cash to get me by until payday, I decided to pawn one of my nicer possessions, a Coach purse. Today, I learned that counterfeiters are getting a lot better at their profession. Now I have no money AND a fake purse. FML

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By britanyann - 6/1/2012 03:45 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

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By womanoski - 20/2/2016 17:56 - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

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By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/7/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

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By Ali (New York) - 24/6/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2017 13:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

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By Takegami - 22/11/2018 23:00 - United States - Norge

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

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By BassGuy - 18/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

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By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

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By Noname - 23/2/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2019 02:00

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

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By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

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By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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By almost governmental - 5/9/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

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By princess_stabitty - 1/8/2020 08:01

Jealousy

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2019 16:00

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2013 20:36 - United States - Montgomery Village

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

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By whoops - 1/8/2014 20:45 - United States - Vincennes

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

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Top comments

By Swedish_Eagle | 21

#5789380 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:45

Both jobs suck

By squidgy787 | 22

#5789379 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:45

Oh come on.... there's only a slight difference there ;-)

Seriously though, explain to your mom what the difference is. I'm sure she'll clear it up right away.

COMMENTS

By ZY1431 | 24

#5789378 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:45

well I guess its the same thing. ..indirectly.

Reply

naxeeb | 33

#5789391 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:51

They're not even in the same league! Directly or indirectly.

Reply

ZY1431 | 24

#5789393 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:55

play of words considering the situation. ..

Reply

SabriLittleRed | 25

#5789399 - Thursday 12 December 2013 8:00

Does she not know the difference between the two??

Reply

IvyOswin | 17

#5789517 - Thursday 12 December 2013 11:39

Call girl or not, at least she's bragging about you to her friends

By squidgy787 | 22

#5789379 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:45

Oh come on.... there's only a slight difference there ;-)

Seriously though, explain to your mom what the difference is. I'm sure she'll clear it up right away.

Reply

TwistedCherub1 | 15

#5789471 - Thursday 12 December 2013 9:21

The major difference being that a call girl makes way more money. Well, a good one anyway.

By Swedish_Eagle | 21

#5789380 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:45

Both jobs suck

Reply

drewflav | 17

#5789459 - Thursday 12 December 2013 9:02

One sucks balls, the other sucks up.

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5789464 - Thursday 12 December 2013 9:08

Sucks up the balls?

Reply

mya55 | 11

#5789737 - Thursday 12 December 2013 16:33

Mmm yum

Reply

KK3137 | 31

#5789999 - Thursday 12 December 2013 21:22

Well, technically both suck balls.. Just in very different senses.

By moosetracks22 | 10

#5789381 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:46

Explain the difference between the two to her. Hopefully she will see the error of her ways.

By breakinlegs | 19

#5789383 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:47

Do you have a sweet sounding voice?

By hjackson5353 | 3

#5789385 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:47

hahahahahahaha

By xnyletak | 17

#5789386 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:48

Eh, close enough.

By naxeeb | 33

#5789388 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:48

Close enough?
But seriously though, you should explain to her, exactly what you do, OP! Make sure she understands the difference between the two jobs.

By thweakmn | 3

#5789389 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:50

Hope you corrected her

By LaLince | 40

#5789390 - Thursday 12 December 2013 7:51

I can't honestly say which job is worst.