Miscellaneous: Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in...

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 249

You deserved it 3 044

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Get out

Health hazard

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 357

You deserved it 3 205

By naps aren't what they used to be - 27/04/2013 22:05 - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 25 898

Creepy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 02:04

Today, I found out what my son has been celebrating. Apparently, his boss caught him smoking weed and fired him, then had a massive stroke and now has the IQ of a potato, so my son just kept turning up to work since his boss hadn’t had the time to tell anyone he was fired, or to fill out any paperwork. My son is scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 395

By yarhyun1 - 19/08/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 2 523

By seriously - 14/04/2018 01:30

Today, I was spoken to by my boss about an argument I had gotten into with my co-worker, saying I needed to be "respectful of others' beliefs" and less "close-minded." The argument was over whether or not the Earth was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 803

You deserved it 369

By Crappit - 06/10/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 356

You deserved it 3 354

By piper55 - 10/05/2019 14:00

Today, for the first time in a month, I talked to someone in person besides my grandmother and my husband. It was a store clerk calling me "Miss" and asking if I was finding everything okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 283

Money money money

By hmmm - 01/10/2013 12:32 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 214

You deserved it 4 006

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 15:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 446

You deserved it 15 989

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 924

You deserved it 2 768

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 991

You deserved it 3 739

World's best babysitter

By KarinaO - 22/06/2021 22:01

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 240

Geography

By Fhhmylifeman - 11/04/2021 11:00

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 179

By mistake - 11/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 988

You deserved it 5 710

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 205

You deserved it 245 846

By shredded - 12/02/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 303

You deserved it 56 060

By Tori - 16/02/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 5 002

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 2 323

By drucle - 18/03/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 897

You deserved it 16 144

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 02:03

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 204

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 309

You deserved it 2 927

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 648

You deserved it 14 924

By ... - 12/03/2009 18:57 - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 603

You deserved it 27 277

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 986

You deserved it 7 082

By Falafax - 12/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 4 449

By thatonegirl.SBS. - 29/09/2012 05:38 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 253

You deserved it 2 173

By vanessa_d15 - 09/11/2009 07:55 - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 725

You deserved it 6 639

Hi how are you?

By KereKris - 17/06/2020 14:05

Today, I texted my boss, "I'm looking forward to doing you" instead of, "I'm looking forward to seeing you" thanks to a very unfortunate combination of my atrocious typing skills on a smartphone and an overzealous autocorrect function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 391

By YAABOIII - 05/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 128

You deserved it 8 782

Modernity

By Jules - 29/10/2020 02:03 - Germany - Aachen

Today, my health insurance has finally gone digital, so I sent them a message through their webpage, asking a question. I then got an email, telling me they'd replied. I had to log into their webpage again to see the reply, which read, "A letter concerning your question has been sent to you by post." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 70

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 100

You deserved it 7 769

Bunged up

By P DarklyKira - 18/05/2020 23:00

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 154

By tired waitress - 25/04/2016 23:05 - United States

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 608

You deserved it 1 175

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 229

By holycrap - 03/03/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 753

You deserved it 2 773

By anon - 04/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 2 712

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 06:18

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 079

You deserved it 52 610

By whorecrux - 02/07/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 803

You deserved it 9 787

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Top comments

xxsarahfxx 6

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:03

Always listen to your mother ! :)

FUGYU 2

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:04

Just be lucky you didn't pick up her genetics, hopefully.

manatees_r_epic 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:02

So? I don't see the problem.

patebishop 7

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:02

Haha is she blonde? Btw first!

idunnolol108 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:03

Fail.

xxsarahfxx 6

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:03

Always listen to your mother ! :)

lakaiskate 12

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:08

moms always know best dont they?

woodzy1993 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:11

Only if she's a milf

Lauren10102 3

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:40

I don't get the FML here! I water my fake plants to make them look realer, and I stopped watering my real plants cuz that makes them more perfect like fake plants right? I mean, I'm no idiot I know these things

ImAHomosexual 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:41

What?^

Iamnotmyself 17

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:47

You heard your mom! she wants them to be cleaned durr.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:21

Pretend you actually did it and if she asks why it's not wet just say the plant absorbed it up already, it's worth a try(:

Klums02 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:29

Lol I know someone who didn't realize tht the flowers at the front of his house were fake so he kept watering them FYL OP

katsteak 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 21:04

:o no wonder my plants never died!

OWNZ 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:24

88- ITS MAGIC!!! :O

blanquito 1

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:43

was this after her and your dad barked at everyone on the way home??

OneNightStan 2

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:53

freaken old people!

purplefatmidget 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 5:24

49 You're a dumbass.

bluekid7 5

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:52

op's mom should read and see if she seems smarter

GuitarFail123 9

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 17:08

49 makes noooo sense lmao

FUGYU 2

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:04

Just be lucky you didn't pick up her genetics, hopefully.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:36

There should only be ONE nut job in a family.

EatnBeef 7

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 21:32

fill her bed with soil and REAL flowers lol

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 2:48

But then it would be kinda like Facebook an I like FML the way it is. If you want to like it though you can add to favorites and you can comment "lol" and even though people will thumb you down for saying that, you still said what you wanted too.