By Diana - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

362

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Out of it

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By imfromtexas02 - United States

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49358

You deserved it

12591

Favorite

By wtf fml - United States - Hesperia

Aaand blocked.

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5319

You deserved it

490

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By izziegrl - Mexico - Naucalpan

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28328

You deserved it

3607

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By Tony

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37704

You deserved it

2576

Favorite

By hopeless cluts - Canada

Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29019

You deserved it

2367

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By TragicallyAnxious

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

573

You deserved it

2343

Favorite

By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39716

You deserved it

3223

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27876

You deserved it

4481

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23951

You deserved it

4588

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By what_a_loner - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33105

You deserved it

12379

Favorite

By RedLion23 - United Kingdom

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38148

You deserved it

2903

Favorite

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34841

You deserved it

2392

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By Idontlikefireworks2

FREEDOM

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3202

You deserved it

249

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12847

You deserved it

39924

Favorite

By lalalalainie - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11727

You deserved it

35308

Favorite

By embarassed - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33268

You deserved it

12909

Favorite

By Lexiebear27 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29914

You deserved it

6784

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41222

You deserved it

3225

Favorite

By AntiAxe

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28075

You deserved it

3556

Favorite

By Kevin

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25427

You deserved it

11289

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Professional

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

225

You deserved it

1540

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By Unlucky - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51882

You deserved it

12907

Favorite

By maisie - 31/3/2021 21:30

Skinny issues

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks

842

You deserved it

Favorite

By unifail - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22664

You deserved it

4780

Favorite

By badjob - United States

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36158

You deserved it

3065

Favorite

By zzzgrady - United States

Damn

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

4111

Favorite

By lolomg - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40390

You deserved it

3041

Favorite

By claira

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3684

You deserved it

357

Favorite

By reedcarter

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25943

You deserved it

2023

Favorite

By photonut13 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44464

You deserved it

2991

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 07:59 - Australia

Bad timing, dude

Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

896

You deserved it

112

Favorite

By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/7/2020 14:01

Kitchen Nightmares

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2527

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By SimpleSimon - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47148

You deserved it

19637

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 05:02

Best Baby Names of 2021

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks

834

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By sadddddd - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40760

You deserved it

3250

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44549

You deserved it

8907

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2831

You deserved it

504

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31173

You deserved it

15832

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46001

You deserved it

17517

Favorite

By sportskidguru - United States

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35499

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

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Top comments

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7854148 - Saturday 26 October 2019 0:32

Oh my god! Are you ok? What happened to your eardrum?

COMMENTS

By misswilwarin96 | 11

#7854148 - Saturday 26 October 2019 0:32

Oh my god! Are you ok? What happened to your eardrum?