Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML
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Top comments
Tehalon 0
Aslong as they were unused its not that bad ;P
Xyrian 0
This sounds suspiciously familiar to American Wedding, which also happened to be on television last night, go figure.
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Comments (96)
lilplayahater08 0
lol dude :)
TEAZO 0
well then. why u giving your mom my beads damn it! kidding.
Puolukka 4
#4 Maybe the OP saw that movie and that's why he came up with that excuse :)
alex_vik 1
#10 - Yes, stick 'em in, take 'em out, used on both genders. Really a disgusting sex toy though.
crazy_cat_lady 0
And you kept the gag gift.... why?
Ldy_S_FTW 0
sooner or later, ur mom's gonna figure out wat those were, and she's gonna think back to that day that u scratched her back with anal beads lol.
corbincorbin 0
then she will go ew and burn her clothes
choppedNskrewed 0
LOL! that reminds me of some show i saw on TV....i don't remember what it was but this teenager found her mom's vibrator (she knew what it was) so she confronted her mom about it. her mom said "oh...that's a potato masher." So the daughter kept trying to get her to admit what it was, so she brought home a bunch of potatoes and asked her mom to make mashed potatoes for dinner. The mom had to use the vibrator to mash the potatoes so her daughter wouldn't think it was a vibrator. Then, the daughter asked the mom to buy one for one of her teachers as a gift. The mom hesitantly said okay, because she didn't want to admit what it actually was. So they bought another vibrator, wrapped it up, and gave it to one of the teachers. Then as they were walking away, they looked at each other and said "we can't do this!" They ran to get it back, but the teacher had already opened it. the teacher was like "oh. what is this?" the mom and daughter looked at each other and both said "oh...that's just a potato masher!"
Sessee 4
Didn't this happen in American Wedding? Except the mom thought they were for massaging your neck?
AngelaSialaris 0
she thought it was a necklace! right?
m0nicam0nster 0
#15 I got a card with a naked man on it, a vibrating *****, a penis blow pop and edible underwear as gag gifts but that doesn't mean I'm throwing them away anytime soon.
Ldy_S_FTW 0
#17, i SAW that show too! but i don't remember wat show it was on...omg, now i really wanna kno...figure it out and post it on here...i'm curious to kno.
musicbunny 1
oh my friking god WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PUT THE DAMN W AFTER THE O IN KNOW IT TAKES A HUNDRETH OF A SECOND THAT BOTHERS THE CRAP OUT OF ME grrr