Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
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Top comments
Dinoporeon 9
That is NOT the sex talk. Your mom made you watch creepy ****.
joea21 21
Better than her making sure you're using proper technique.
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Comments (114)
challan 19
my mother promoted a pro-masturbation household, telling us that it's perfectly okay and even encouraged us to handle our own sexual needs. She felt that if we were able to handle our own sexual needs, we would be less likely to look to others for satisfaction. HOWEVER, she NEVER forced us to watch masturbatory ****!
rlb123 6
It is perfectly okay, but why must it be encouraged or even talked about?
challan 19
Because things that are hidden and never discussed are usually taboo. As a woman, it's important to know that it's perfectly alright to **********. If you do not learn how to sexually satisfy yourself, how can you expect your partner to be able to?
perdix 31
#61, you bring in someone creative who thinks like a scientist and tries all kinds of things on you. He'll note what works and what doesn't, and repeat the successful techniques. Such a person doesn't charge much, often he'll do the work... *Lowers sunglasses* pro bone-o ;)
Dark_Stream 29
That's really sad. She may have not had any better an introduction herself. Here's hoping you got at least some introduction to the topics from school before you got too much playground mis-information. There is so much good information out there that she should not need to show you ****. If you still have questions, or just want some better information, you can easily find good unbiased reliable articles on wikipedia. A good starting point is basic human anatomy. Stick with learning about the basic usual appearance and functions of the male and female parts. A point to remember is that **** is intended to be entertainment. It is designed to appeal to folks with a wide range of tastes. Sometimes the activities depicted are unusual or rarely practiced outside of that industry. Those things may be stimulating, but may not be common practice for a lot of people, especially beginners.
3kitten3 10
prettttty sure that's some type of sexual abuse ...... gross
israelnotjacob 20
Walk out of the room and refuse to come back. Nothing could have kept me in there.
mylifeisgreat99 2
My mom made me do the same but I'm a girl. FML
zahidnasir 22
now we know your mom's choice
kellyem2 20
This would have been perfect if it ended with "I'm a girl."
worldclassrager 41
You'd be surprised actually how many people learn through ****...but recording sex is a bit off...
awilliams44 9
usually the sex talk is where mums try to make u not wanna have sex..
spoo 24
Mission accomplished
skyeyez9 25
I remember reading an fml where a dad forced his kid to watch a **** video while his dad sat there with an erection, and pointed out step by step what they were doing. It was his dad's version of the sex talk.