Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
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Top comments
Dinoporeon 9
That is NOT the sex talk. Your mom made you watch creepy ****.
joea21 21
Better than her making sure you're using proper technique.
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Comments (114)
Bioshockxs 9
It's better than her getting your dad to show you first hand or her giving an example by using you.
mimiminx 23
You're disgusting
HeinrichHimmler 9
Sounds like you're into incest ****
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
12 was just listing all the possibilities. god somebody has to think outside the box sometimes...the worlds a ****** up place..dont be afraid to discuss all topics.
HeinrichHimmler 9
As the wise man once said: so?
DanielRamirez 10
Isnt that from the anchor man 2? Great movie
why6so6serious 6
Why would anyone make their online name himmler Do you have any idea what he did..?
cricketsins 36
I'm curious to know if the OP is male or female.
HeinrichHimmler 9
"Reassuring its natural" what do you think genius?
glabberfasted 16
15 - If OP was a girl, she may have said that in case OP catches her future boyfriend doing it.
perdix 31
#14, me, too! This story is much funnier if the OP's a girl. Let's hope "she" replies and confirms this.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
25-- "its natural" for chicks to ********** too genius! but yaaaaa a mom making her daughter watch videos of guys jerking it is a bit off...but it was to scare her and make her stay away from them altogether. that's if op is a chick..more than likely its a male though.
skyewalkerr 7
thats a really weird way to explain birds and the bees... mostly the bee part lol
Enslaved 38
"Let me tell ya 'bout the birds and the bees And the flowers and the trees And the moon up above And a thing called 'Love'"
spoo 24
I still would like to hear more about this bee that scored a bird
booze_n_bitches 37
Well, it is natural !
steffidallasbfl 16
That's not the sex talk and creepy
brandoneyez1 25
I didn't know the sex talk involved watching male ****. That's a new twist.
Indianboy9321 25
Are you male or female? Either way, this is really creepy, and I feel sorry for you having to sit through what I'm assuming was a VERY awkward period of time.
perdix 31
If the OP is a guy, I guess she's saying that his sex life will most likely be based on masturbation. I wonder if he'll use an Eastern, Western or Continental grip?
smokecloud_ 37
You guys have different grips? :o Fascinating.
TheBrochure 22
I prefer the Russian grip, myself. :P
Baucis 10
you need to get a grip and stop beating around the bush with this sex talk.