Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
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Top comments
Dinoporeon 9
That is NOT the sex talk. Your mom made you watch creepy ****.
joea21 21
Better than her making sure you're using proper technique.
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Comments (114)
Ihavegas 22
hands up to those who never got the sex talk, (from parents) but learnt everything you needed to know from **** and other movies.
perdix 31
#26, my hand is occupied at the moment ;) , but I didn't get "the talk" from my parents. I got it in school. We had a sixth-grade science teacher who opened the floor up and let us ask her what all the dirty words actually meant.
DanielleinDC 34
My mom actually got books for me to read about these changes.
Alexthegreat475 13
Yuup.
Spark_Slicker 19
Depending on how old OP is, hasn't that been considered child abuse before?
Obacooba 14
No, i am pretty sure she is just introducing you to the world of ****
buckdharma 38
Op, you must take your mom's sex talk literally and get busy making videos that look natural. Remember the importance of lighting and using different camera angles.
JMichael 26
Great talk mom. Thanks for scarring me for life.
hulopro 16
Congrats you're now mentally scarred
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
I believe there's a hidden agenda behind this. She's testing OP straightness.
Enslaved 38
Hope the video doesn't make you feel inferior. I've seen some water blaster!
perdix 31
#41, ummm, ..., that's not water ;)
limitedition 25
Time to buy dear Mom a parenting book. Hard to imagine the thought process that lead to "showing my kid random guys masturbating" as the winner.
spoo 24
Or mess with her screen savers :o, ring tones, text tones. etc
ahsanmasood 4
LOLOLOLOLOLOL i am so sorry OP! this has got to be the most awkward uncomfortable moment for you ever!!!!